heartbroken.

Maybe I should give it all up.

Elison.

오랫만 이에요..

Whoa, it's been almost a month since I got this updated! I was kinda caught up with the examinations and so I didn't have time to sit down and blog.

Now that exams are over, I get busier as Christmas is approaching. This year's Christmas is going to be greater than ever. I know it. Hahah, things to be done just have no end to it. ><

Thankfully the holidays are here! Haha, I remember being uber excited for school to start, and now, I can't wait for holidays to come. tsk. There are so many things I want to do this holiday, like bringing my babies out to take photos, watch my korean dramas, study hard for korean and of course hang out with people that I've been missing on!

As 2009 comes to an end, I can't help but do some reflections. This year has been a year full of up and downs. Many things have happened - graduating from NJ, first-time working, getting A level results, going to university, first-time filming for movie, forging new friendships while others terminated.

I realised the reality of the world, reality of society? People are fake. Indeed, you guys are pretty different from us.

And you, I feel so sorry for you. For love for a woman, you sacrifice what God has in store for you. I feel so sorry for you and your sheep. I'm not over-reacting. What is the point of gaining what you want, and losing your own soul? There are consequences that you chose to overlooked, because to you, feelings and love, are more important.

But 2009, God has been a faithful God. While there were people who were very important to me in my life who left me, God has given me new found friendships and strengthened old ones. No one is better to me than God.

Day one of fasting! :D

Okie, gonna rest a while. Have to go for rehearsals later. (:

Elison.

just felt like so.

I just felt in the mood to write.

Sometimes I guess I really hate facebook. I hate the fact that some people have evolved to be just lifeless profile pages. I can only see them off my computer. That's all.

Goodbye-장근석

어떡하죠 바라만 보네요
짧은 인사조차 건낼수가 없네요
시리도록 차가운 내 손 잡아주지만
이제는 그만 보내야하죠

어떡하죠 멀어져 가네요
가슴 가득 눈물만 차오네요
애써 감춰봐도 멈출수가 없어요
끝내 잡지 못한 이 맘을 어떡하나요

사랑했던 그 기억을 놓지 말아요
다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지도 그대라 다행이죠
슬픈 눈물 모아서 안녕

아무것도 해준게 없네요
못나게도 상처만 남겼네요
변해간 맘조차 감싸 안아준사람
이제 보내야할 그대를 어떡하나요
사랑했던 그 기억은 놓지 말아요
다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지도 그대라 다행이죠
숨이 멎을 만큼 아파와 눈물 흘러도
행복했던 그기억은 놓지 말아요
다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지 그대라 다행이죠
닿지 못한 내사랑 이젠 보내야 하죠

오직나를 웃게 할 사람 그대 뿐인걸
사랑이 깊어져 마음이 아파와도
행복했던 그 기억은 놓지 말아요

다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지 그대라 다행이죠
슬픈 눈물 모아서 내가 할 수 있는 일
안녕.

What should I do? All I can do is gaze at you
I can't even extend you a short greeting
My achingly cold hand, don't hold it
Now I have to let you go

What should I do? You grow further away
My chest fills with tears
Even though I try hard to hide it, I can't stop
What should I do with this love I can't end

Please don't forget that we loved each other
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Gathering my sorrowful tears, goodbye

I've done nothing for you
Pitifully I've only left you with scars

You who embraced even my changed feelings
Now I have to let you go. What should I do?
Please don't forget that we loved each other
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Even though the pain stops my breath and my tears fall

Please don't forget that we were happy
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Now I have to let go of this love that was unable to connect

The only person who will make me smile is you
Even though as my love deepens I feel more pain

Please don't forget that we were happy
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Gathering my sorrowful tears, the only thing I can do is say...

Goodbye

I just need to hide this.

Elison.

the art of writing

My apologies for the lack of updates on my beloved blog. But writing to me is more of an art, definitely more than mere words. It requires the right timing, the right weather, the right feel, and substantial content. There's a kairos moment to it. Okay okay, I'm talking rubbish, I know. =.=

It's been a while since I blogged. I was pretty caught up with all the project meetings. Now that marketing presentation is over, there are more things to come! Like movie filming, drama rehearsals, and exams. Well, it's a ton of work, and work is never-ending. There's no time to complain, but to put in my best effort in all these that I'm doing. :D It's going to be tough maybe, but it's definitely a period of stretching and enlarging my capacity and abilities. Nonetheless, it's a joy to serve God. It always feels good to go for rehearsals and church. :)

다시 그 때로 가면 우리 만날 수 있을 것 같아.
그댈 닮은 사람 없어도 나는 그댈 기억하니까.
어디서든 무얼해도 나는 기억하니까.
그대 이름 같은 사람 없어도 나는 기억하니까.
내가 숨쉬는 동안은 그대 기억하니까.
마음이 아파와.
하고싶은 말은 많지만 가슴 속에 묻어.
너를 그만 보내야 하니까.
사랑했던 사람을 또 다시 나는 안보게.
사랑했던 사람을 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해.
기억으로도 추억으로도 모두 지우게.
그래야 내가 살 수 있을 것 같아.
이제는 더이상.
너를 부정하고 싶지 않은.
나를 알고 있지만.
가까이 있는 널 사랑할 수 없는 걸 알고 있기에.
날 바라볼 수 없는.
널 기다림이 너무 힘들어.
이젠 견딜 수 없어.
이뤄질 수 없기에.
그 이름 이제 적어놓고 나 울먹여.
내 안에 숨고 싶어져.

Elison.

Ring ding dong!~

Daddy was asking me if I had brought baby out to take photos. And then I realised I haven't really done so! I wanted to use baby to take nice sceneries, but I had been so busy, there hadn't been time for me to do that! :( I promise after the exams end, I will bring baby out...

Anyway, if you are wondering, I'm going to take up the offer. Gee, there are so much uncertainties ahead, especially having to juggle with so many things, I know it's not going to be easy. But it's really a good chance to go into the marketplace. Besides, building fund is coming, and this would probably help a lot in fulfilling it. I guess everything will work out. Even though it may be tough for now, all things WILL, eventually, work out.

I'm always only free on monday or tuesday to blog. the rest of the week usually breezes past me. =.= Life.

Elison.

waraku

ahhh, I'm back to blog after being missing for a week. Hmm, i seem to be a really busy person, and staying committed to blogging and facebooking is too difficult. Perhaps it's the reason why my blog posts are getting shorter as time goes by?

Anyway, I went for the movie audition today! Hmm, I should say it was a good experience? But really stage and camera are very very different, filming for the past few days didn't really help me to get used to it. =.=

YAY! Today I met lovely for dinner at waraku, finally fulfilling our appointment from 2 years ago? Haha.

Me (putting the sushi in my mouth): Mmm, this fish sushi is very fishy.

Lovely stares at me.

We burst into laughter. :)

It's always the little things that we do together that means so much to me. <3

Oh yes, I bought 2 bags for 35 bucks. Unbelievable? Believe it. :)

Love,

Elison.

not so good

정말 미안해요, I had been tied down by the mid-term examinations, so I couldn't find the time to update. Now that the exams have finally ended yesterday, I'm feeling so much more at ease. Yet of all times, I have to fall sick NOW? :( I thought I was getting better in the afternoon, cause I stopped sneezing that much already, but my head just hurts like crazy. It seems like a fever is going to follow soon. It making me groggy and all. Worse still, I had to go for subject pool despite being sick. That $2 i earned didn't serve as much consolation. =.=

Tomorrow is going to be another long day, will be going for leadership dialogue, filming for announcements and then helping out at drama workshop. ><

I don't understand you. I doubt anyone of us does. Do you even treat us as your friends? You are 20, but you are not acting like one. I guess I thought of you wrongly. But then again, how could 2 months be sufficient for us to know you, when you opened some doors and closed some other? If men is all that matters to you...

Elison.

dead tired.

I guess I'm still looking like this (referring to the picture above). I thought after a night of sleep I would feel replenished and all, but that is not exactly true. Hence, I resolved that having 2 university examinations in 1 day can actually be quite deadly.

I'll be back again to update with nice pictures after school today. :) My baby is going to school with me. Yay, everyone loves my baby, especially the girls. Hmm, I need suggestions for a name for my baby. Anyone?

Elison.

random post.

Tuesday blues. I've been studying since I woke up this morning but it's been really hard trying to focus on that thick economics textbook. But nonetheless I will blend it and gulp it all down!

It's getting dark outside, I'm not sure if it would rain. And even if it rains, life has to go on, there are places I still have to go and things I still have to do. The rain won't stop me.

I guess I became stronger. I didn't have to fight with tears, it no longer pained me like it used to. Like what Pastor Kong said, God allows us to go through things in our lives not to tear us down, but all so that we can eventually change, be dealt with and move into the greater calling for our lives. Things may not always be easy, but still I'm excited, excited to move towards that calling that God has given to me. 3 years of nursing the dream...I won't let it go.

RAWR, I'm gonna head back to the books. Gotta head down to church office later then meet liang to eat chicken! ^^

toodles~

Elison.

happy 便当!

Yay, this is the happy 便当/ 도시락 lovely and I shared on friday. :D I cooked this to supposedly help me destress...but whatever that happened on the way to school on friday totally defeated the purpose of me cooking.

See, I was just about to leave my house when it started to pour. So I thought I should wait till 1130 and see if the rain gets any lighter. Apparently it didn't. And because I had to rush to Clarke Quay after school, I had no choice but to attend the earlier lecture. So I took the umbrella and went downstairs in an attempt to flag a taxi to school. Within a few minutes, I was drenched waist down despite carrying an umbrella. =.= And all the taxis didn't have NETS! I didn't have cash with me you see. And there was one, there was obviously nets machine, but the uncle refused to take me. So I stood under my umbrella, in the rain, and I started crying cause I felt really pathetic! :( Yes I know. It's very stupid. ><

Doing market research for tomorrow's marketing project meeting. ><

Big fish, plant, worm. I guess yesterday's service made me have a brand new refreshed encounter with God. Perhaps sometimes I really feel like Jonah. There were times I wished I didn't have this calling, or at least something that require lesser, but I guess only God knows what He is doing. No matter how tough, no matter how painful, I will hang in there. No one knows my heart better than He does.

Elison.

beary pillow.

Staring at my awesome pillowcase is sufficient to induce sleep in me. I'm so thankful to God that today is Tuesday. Seriously, I love my timetable because of the mid-week off which makes life easier for me.

Hmm, the examinations are slowly creeping near. I don't think I'm exactly in the studying mode yet, but hopefully I'll get there during recess week next week.

I'm so tired. It's difficult to continue blogging now cause I can still see my pillow on the computer screen! RAWR, I'll be back soon...

Elison.

baby, baby one more time!

Say hello to my new baby!~

Finally, dslr. ^^

Elison.

sun+cloud=smiling tree!

It can't help but contradict. As much as I love marketing, the tutorials are like so hard to do. ><

Okay okay, got to go and finish up on marketing so that I can call up those people who have signed up for drama ministry and schedule them for auditions.

Busy busy.

Elison.

Xiao Guilin

I took this picture of Xiao Guilin when I went cycling today. I was feeling quite sick of LP, so i took my bike and went out to get some fresh air. For the first time, I cycled to Jiani's old house, and on the way, passing by Kyungsoo's house. Ah, passing by Kyungsoo's house made me really miss him! :( For a moment I wished he isn't Korean, but if he isn't, we probably wouldn't have met! =.= But I'm glad that he's doing fine back in Korea, hopefully he'll continue to be that fine when he enlists! ^^

Initially when I first thought of blogging, there were many things that I wanted to say. Now all of a sudden, the words left me. =.= I'll come back again later if they return. =.=

Elison.

AMBER!

Amber is so cute and cool. I can't believe she's so young. ㅠ.ㅠ

After God-knows-how-many hours, I finally completed my statistics tutorial 3! I was trying to keep myself awake the whole time because the entire tutorial was about sampling, variability, experimental design and bias?! =.= Almost died doing that, but thankfully I'm done with it already. But that's not all the homework, there're still 2 more tutorials to go. Management science will so kill me. ㅠ.ㅠ I hope I will score for the presentation on Thursday! ><

I feel like some girl who just broke up with 2 boyfriends. Just an analogy alright.

On the way home from school on Monday, Samuel and I had a talk. He commented that I'm very mature for my age. I beg to differ. If only I was more matured, I won't be in this situation I am in right now. But then again, we learn through the pain. This is my threshing floor, a wilderness experience. It's in the wilderness where the children of Israel found God. Talking to one another should always motivate, impart faith and stir each other to love God more. I hope I'll make a positive impact on this time. I thought about what Samuel said. Sometimes I just feel the same. Whenever I feel like I don't know why life is so tough, why I have to go through all these, all it takes is may be the birds in the air, the wonderful morning breeze or just people who genuinely care for each other to cause me to stand in awe of how great our God is, over His creations, and realise once again that life isn't that bad afterall.

There are too many "maybe"s. Let my yes be a yes and my no be a no. Period.

I haven't played Plants vs Zombies for 2 days. =.= I will do so after I'm done with LP. Bleah...

Elison.

라차타!~

f(x) is the new girl group under SM entertainment. They are a very strong rookie group, i must say. Currently listening to their song 라차타 and trying to read up on calculus and it's application in economics.

Finally, I'm going to leave it and move on. There's no use blaming anymore right? I just want to carry on this fight. Even if I fail, even if I fall, I don't want to give up, because God never gives up on me. I will repent and walk on with God. Although I'm not perfect, but I don't have to be perfect to be worthy of His love. But there's no excuse to remain imperfect, because God is perfect. Moulding, moulding.

"So the last will be first and the first last. For many are called, but few are chosen."

Reality is harsh.

Elison.

busy.

Heaves a sigh of relief. I'm finally done with all the tutorials for tomorrow. This week has been really tough! There's so much work to be done. They are just piling up on me. I wonder how things would go when marketing project and individual assignment kick in. University life is so taxing! :(

I had many thoughts.

Grace says that although I look fine, my mind runs elsewhere.

Circling around thoughts that should not exist.

Exercise control please, brain.

Who should I look to?

I'm too ashamed.

I asked the people around me if I am a bad friend.

No matter what their answers may be, my heart has already reached a conclusion.

Who I am hates who I've been.

It never rains but it pours.

It's not the first.

Elison.

心血来潮

可笑吧？
不知多久没有写华语的我似乎开始想念自己的母语。
就有如英语无法完整地表达韩语的意思，有些话用中文可能可以说得更清楚吧。
下雨天。
我哪儿都没去。
坐在家里尝试把那些堆积如山的作业赶完。
也许我需要些清新的空气。
昨天遇见你，可你却把我当成透明的，装作根本没有见到我。
心有点疼。
天作孽 、不可谓，自作孽 、不可活。
真是活该。
多希望人生能够重来。
我造的孽还真多。
雨停了。
和伤心暂别。
就写到这里吧。

Elison.

对不起朋友。

怎么我老这样，好像处处都在得罪人，处处都在对不起人。

不论我是有心还是无意的，对他们来说，这伤害是无法弥补的。

我也只能对你们说对不起。

可能就算赔上我这条命也还是没法获得你们的原谅。

是开始有点恨自己。

경수他走了。幸好在机场时我没哭。虽然心里是有点难过。 也许两年，也许六年， 朋友到时再见了。

挺可怜的，生命中的人来来去去， 到底谁才是真正的朋友？

对不起，我不是一个好朋友。

Elison.

COOKIES

Nothing is better than infinite happiness.

A cookie is better than nothing.

Therefore a cookie is better than infinite happiness!

Haha, i'm not spastic. This is what Professor Leong said during GEK 1005. And it is a totally logical statement. I promised my classmates that I'd blog about this. So here it is!ㅋㅋㅋ...

I want to watch so many movies...Need to find companions to watch! and of course, I need to find the time to do so. =.=

KEVIN SKINNER!~

Elison.

비가 왔어. 난 슬퍼요.

The perfect weather and timing to sit before the computer to blog while having a cup of hot coffee at hand. :) I just love rainy days. Allows me to contemplate over life you see.

One more week and Kyungsoo is going back to Korea, probably for good. Seriously, I'll miss him. Although we only met like June, he's been so much of a help to me, teaching me Korean language and the culture. Although he is always late cause he oversleeps, he's really a great friend. My first Korean friend in Singapore. Within a period of less than 3 months, my first Korean friend and teacher is leaving. It's sad I guess. I won't have a Korean friend to read Korean books to me and go through my texts anymore. And he'll be going into the army soon. Like Seungho. But it's not that bad. With technology, I guess we still can keep in touch via email and so on. But yes, I will miss him. Goodbye my friend. I hope to see you in Korea. I promise the next time I meet you, 2 years later, I'll speak in perfect Korean. 약속해...

I guess it's a spiritual fight. Yesterday Barry shared about temptations and today Pastor Kong shared with us about Goliath and the 5 stones we need to pick up. This few weeks has been really tough on me, cause many things have happened. But each time I feel like I don't want to do it anymore, it's through the encounters with God that I find new strength to carry on, healing of my heart, and encouragement by the Holy Spirit. It's about doing things even when you feel least like doing it. And everytime I do that, God is so faithful, it melts my heart. Thank God for God. Because without God, I could just die from a broken heart.

I'm not a perfect person. And I'm sorry for my imperfectness that may have hurt anyone. But no one is perfect. 这世上也没有所谓的“谁对不起谁”。We all fall, we all make mistakes. Sorry is all I can say. Pastor Kong said sometimes saying sorry once is not enough. Should I kneel before you and beg for forgiveness? If that is what it takes, I'd do it. But now when I've decided to move on? Maybe it's just good for it to end all here. I still keep you, in this corner of my heart, and in my wallet.

If time is all that you need...

Life is never easy, relationships are never easy. We live a lifetime to learn how to live with people. Because no one is able to understand us perfectly, or suit us perfectly.

Why are people often choosing the same route? And they seem to like to do it at the same time. I felt like everything was just my fault. All I could hear was Satan. Mocking at me. Demeaning me. Arrows shot at my heart. Bleeding. Pain. All my fault. It's all my fault.

But that is illogical. I don't live your lives or choose your emotions. You do. You make decisions over your own lives. Why then is it my fault? Why?

I hate my imperfectness. And through life, more imperfectness surfaces. And the more I hate this part of me. How can you guys expect me to be perfect when no one is? I'm not God. Yet I want with God in likeness. Let me grow to, hopefully, attain that perfection someday.

忘れないで - Tohoshinki/ 東方神起
I can feel your presence on the path we always walk on
Quietly closing my eyes wishing
that this feeling will never go away

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
I want to fly to the world you're in
I want to see you, I want to see you
I will always wait for you
Because I just can't forget you

The night that I felt you
was already broken
The sweet drifting memories become stronger, Baby
I never want this to end
and hold your hand tighter
I can't leave you

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
and fly to the world you're in
because I want to see you, I want to see you
I'll be waiting for you
I'll be waiting for you

Because I just can't forget you
I'll always be here, I won't forget you

Elison.

as spastic as ever

My love for mac and photo booth. I was mugging with the girls yesterday when we all got high after drinking hot mocha/chocolate and acted spastic. ^^ I had so much fun although we were doing some serious studying.

I hate this bad habit of mine, stuffing myself whenever I am unhappy. Thank God I am not unhappy often. But still...sigh...왜?

elison.

rawr.

Yes, my apologies for the lack of updates. No, school hasn't been that busy, just that I've been busy hanging out with the class and there wasn't much to blog about so yea... ><

Like the picture? Yesterday for dinner we went to the Korean restaurant at Bukit Timah. The boss is a Korean man, but the workers are from Vietnam. RAWR, man was I disappointed. But nonetheless....The jjajangmyun tasted differently from the one ruiliang and I had at Manna. I resolved that it may be from a different part of Korea. ><

I spent my sunday chewing on marketing. It was rather interesting, but apparently textbook writers love repeating themselves. =.= I should have like bought the rest of my textbooks like last week, then perhaps I could have engaged in more constructive activities this weekend. RAWR.

I don't know why things are going this way. Is there something that I have done wrongly and thus affected the outcome? But just like how I tell Luanxiang, God's ways are higher than ours. Only He knows the future and what is ahead. If avoidance is what you are trying, don't. It always starts with people getting too busy for others. Then they gradually slip away. No matter how, regardless how...draw closer to us, to God. Perhaps you feel that we won't understand, but no, we do. We care. We do. We miss the times we hang out with each other so often. Don't let busy-ness rob you away from us. Please. Please. Stay connected.

Life is never easy. But I won't complain. Many things are happening, but I still hope for the best. With God, all things are possible...

Elison.

complicated.

This week hasn't been the easiest week for me I should say. Monday to Thursday were spent at camp, Friday at cell group, Saturday at Rag and service. Thank God for Sundays.

O-week has been pretty okay I suppose. Just tiring, that's all. Cause I didn't manage to get enough sleep for that few days. The games weren't all that interesting. I guess I had most fun when I was just hanging out with the OG. This alum group seems like a good place to begin my tertiary education. School's going to officially begin on Tuesday. I'm having mixed feelings. Nonetheless still excited cause the long holiday is finally going to be over. *amoeba makes me crazy!~*

Thank you James for accompanying me to Peninsula to get the guitar stuffs on Friday.

I got a confirmation on Friday. Since then, there are many thoughts running through my mind. For the past 2 days, I talked to many people- James, Yunrui, Barry, Meitong. I needed to talk about my feelings. I needed to express how hurt I am feeling. I needed to express all my disappointments. I'm so sorry, so sorry that it happened. I thought about how I could have been a better friend, that if I had done something and not acted according to my own emotions, perhaps the ending to the story could have been different. I kept hearing the ifs. If only, if I had, if it wasn't for...it's my fault, it's all my fault. My mind felt like exploding. I wanted to give up too. I heard Satan asking me to throw in the towel as well, since everything is getting really difficult and tacky.

Yesterday at service, I cried so hard. The tangible presence of God, the healing power of God that touched my heart, the warmth of the Spirit...I know God will take this pain away. All I need to do now is to move on, let go and let God. I don't know what to do now that things have ended up this way. I just keep crying. Is there an action plan I can carry out? I need something from God.

If you are reading this: I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. All these years, despite all the conflicts we may have, to me, you are important. Maybe you think it's all too late to say this now. But this is what I really feel in my heart. You're not just someone in the cg. You are a friend. To me, you were someone I looked up to spiritually, a discipler. I'm sorry if you felt I never met up to your expectations as a friend. I think in my lifetime, I've failed so many times as a friend, I never expected that I failed as one to you as well. I'm sorry. If you would, please forgive me. No matter what choices you may make, I'll respect you. But all I ask, is for this friendship. For this friendship to be reconciled. Because you never knew how much you meant to me. I love you my friend, and I'm sorry.

I will render praises to You.

For my soul trusts in You;

And in the shadow of Your Wings I will make my refuge.

For You have delivered my soul from death.

Have You not kept my feet from falling,

That I may walk before God

In the light of the living?

Elison.

남의 속도 모르고

사랑했던 사람을 또 다시 나는 안보게

사랑했던 사람을 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

기억으로도 추억으로도 모두 지우게

그래야 내가 살 수 있을 것 같아

이별했던 사람과 또 다시 나는 안보게

이별했던 사람과 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

우연이라도 스치더라도 알지 못하게

제발 마주치지 않길

속도 모르고 남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 내 맘도 그댄 모르고 원망하지마

사랑하면서 보내려는 내 맘도

바보같이 모르고 아파하지마

남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 사람과 또 다시 나는 안보게

사랑하는사람과 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

우연이라도 스치더라도 알지 못하게

제발 마주치지 않길

속도 모르고 남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 내 맘도 그댄 모르고 원망하지마

사랑하면서 보내려는 내 맘도

바보같이 모르고 아파하지마

남의 속도 모르고

자꾸 울지마 남의 속도 모르고

모질게 말하지마 내 맘 무너져 흘러내려와

잡고 싶어도 다시 잡고 싶어도

아무말 조차도 못하는 내 가슴은 또 찢어지니까

행복하라고 너는 행복하라고

그래서 보내니까 너 하나만은 행복하라고 제발

I will never see the person I loved again,
I will never see the person I loved ever again.
So I can erase everything from memories,
So I can live.

I will never see the person I said good-bye to again,
I will never see the person I said good-bye to ever again.
So I won’t recognize even if we pass by chance,
So we will never cross.

Not knowing my heart, not knowing my heart.
Don’t hate me not knowing I love you.
Don’t foolishly feel hurt not knowing I’m trying to let you go while I still love you.
Not knowing my heart.

I will never see the person I loved again,
I will never see the person I loved ever again.
So I won’t recognize even if we pass by chance,
So we will never cross.

Not knowing my heart, not knowing my heart.
Don’t hate me not knowing I love you.
Don’t foolishly feel hurt not knowing I’m trying to let you go while I still love you.
Not knowing my heart.

Don’t cry not knowing my heart.
Don’t speak in hate. My heart collapses and drains.
I want to hold on to you, I want you hold on to you again,
but my heart that cannot say anything rips apart again.
Be happy, you have to be happy.
Thats why I am letting you go.
So please be happy.

엘리슨.

이상

I attempted to use all logic and scientific understanding to comprehend my Nikon, but all attempts to do so proved futile. It's so freaking weird.

After 3 months of buying the camera, I woke up one fine day to realise the mode dial wasn't working. So I contacted Nikon and the person told me it must be a problem with the contact point. So I had to fix it, but since I knew a trick to make it work, I pushed back the appointment for my little baby...A few months later, it decided to switch on and off on it's own, and by then I couldn't take pictures anymore. So I knew i had to go and fix it...Contemplated a little while longer till I called Harvey Norman and told them about my problem. So finally, I decided to fix it before I go for camp next week. My plan was to go down to Nikon Service Centre yesterday. So on Monday night, I decided to test my camera for one last time. You see, to confirm the problem and tell the Nikon person as specifically as possible...and amazingly, it just suddenly worked! Like fully functionally, perfectly normally, not failing me in ANY aspect. My question is, HOW? How it something that failed on me for more than a year, suddenly worked when I decided I want to fix it's problem? Any logical explanation is not possible. If it's a problem of contact with the mode dial, not using it for a few months could improve the contact? If it's a problem with the circuit board that causes it to switch off on its own, then the circuit board could automatically rebuild itself to make the camera work properly? HOW?

Collin says I always manage to figure things out myself. THIS, I can't. =.= I'm glad it worked though. At least I didn't have to go down to Tanjong Pagar and get lost there. ㅋㅋㅋ! Maybe God was consoling me for the fact that I won't get my dslr till maybe a month or two later. I'll make do with my functional semi-pro for now. ><

엘리슨.

kpop love.

I'm home trying to catch up on the videos that I haven't been watching. This video is really cute. where Ft talk about Shinee's Key. Yay, I love Shinee and F.t so this vid is good proof of how they are actually good friends behind the scene. Jaejin talked about Key's almighty introduction and Hongki laughed at him, saying that his intro should be "Hello, I'm Buddha's finger, Lee Jaejin!". ^^



Another reason why you should love f.t! cause they are serious though they have fun. When Hongki sings, he gets into his singing! Although he's just as playful. Kekek. he wanted to laugh at the start. Beware though, the irritating MC kept screaming during the song. =.=

Gaaaa, gotta get back to watching Shinee on 지금은 꽃미남시대. 잘가!~

Elison.

많이 아파.

Hadn't been feeling very well lately. Must be that my mind has been too preoccupied. I came home from school today and rested, slept for like 4hours...but I woke up feeling worse than before. Took 2 paracetamols and couldn't go to bed thereafter. Yesterday I scalded my hand when I put it into the oven. Today hasn't been a good day either. I took the morning train and experienced how insanely rude and kiasu Singaporeans are. I fell down and scraped my knee against the drain when I alighted outside the YIH bus stop. I had diarrhoea and felt really groggy. Man... I took comfort that I met some very nice seniors at the matriculation fair. Left my contact details at so many booths I can barely remember. University life is so complicated with all the module bidding, and growing up to be an adult. I need a vision.

I almost forgot to check my test results today. Anyway, I passed. :) I will be able to know if I get the module after round 3A bidding. Hopefully I'll get it.

I had a really good quiet time today. The chinese worship song is really very anointed. :)

I watched today's music bank. Hongki's 애교 reminds me of him singing FT vs Pri. ^^ and Seunghyun sounds so much more confident today! Minnie was so cute singing along with Hongki though he doesn't have a mic. 2ne1 won. =.= by 7 points. But nonetheless, there's still inkigayo. SM hwaiting!

Elison.

panadol and alcohol?

Yea, I know this is not like me. But i want to get drunk and hopefully for a moment stop thinking about everything and all. If only it was this easy.

If this is what you need. I'm sorry.

Elison.

for paedos.

Here's Taemin for all pedophiliac noonas. Yes, he's ONLY 16. Haha.

Just checked my mail and I'm flailing cause I manage to get attached to a Korean SEP buddy! Yay! I haven't contacted her yet, so for now, I only know that she's from Yonsei University. And she's the only one from Yonsei! Sounds lonely. But I guess she must be really smart, since she comes from one of the S.K.Y. league in Korea. I'm excited to meet her! Now this has got me excited for school! :)

Ah, 2 more weeks before school starts and many things are already happening! I'm gonna be busy soon!~ ><>

I love lovely. We and our puppy talk. :) <3

Elison.

머리가 아파요...

I thought about this for many days now. I really miss you. I think it's so pathetic that I have to find out about you from someone else. I know many things happened, but I don't know anything about them at all. Do we have to end up this way? I want things to go back to how they were, but just impossible eh? 가슴이 아프다. 하지만 어떻하면 난 모르겠다.바보 멍청이.

Why do people not talk about things when it happens? Why do we seek other forms of expression to vent our frustrations? It only worsens. It only hurts. It only results in a greater crack in a relationship that will take more time to mend later. 정말 나이브...

난 생각보다 더 어렵다.
사람의 마음을 난 못 알겠다.

머리가 아파요...많이 아프다.

Elison.

cause you had a bad day.

The following conversation has been translated from Korean to English for the convenience of readers.

Teacher: How do you find Singapore's weather?

Me: Warm, very very warm!

Teacher: Do you hate it?

Me: Yes.

Teacher: Why?

Me: *stares at her and into space*

Apparently this was what happened during my Korean oral today. HAHA, interesting huh?

I'm super tired today, woke up early so that I could do a bit more of studying. Aye, so, how did the test go? I don't know. How will I do? I don't know. I hope I will pass my essays. Yea, I wish my Korean was better. =.= When I saw the teacher, I was so nervous! I totally forgot so many things. When I took 96 on the way to the mrt station, I calmed down and thought about it. I could have answered it so much better if I was calmer! :(

I made many mistakes today. It's very bad. I think I've been too drained. Like after the test, I just felt like not doing anything. I don't think I'm going to touch my guitar or Korean for the next few days... ><>

I'm having a backache, a buttache, a fingerache...everything also ache...I'm old. =.=

Currently doing some research in an attempt to diagnose my disease. I'm mottephobic or lepidopterophobic, since there is not exact term for the fear of butterflies. I can't imagine how someone can be photophobic or heliophobic except for like a zombie?! And a photic sneeze reflex is really interesting. Photic sneeze reflex is a genetic autosomal dominant trait, which causes sneezing when exposed suddenly to bright light, possibly many times consecutively. LOL, imagine that. Man, I really love Biology. Why am I in Business anyway? Oh yea, after some research, I realised I usually have migraines without aura. That's very interesting. Ah, and also, in the past, they drill a hole in your head to treat migraines. WOW. How ingenious.

Gotta go catch some sleep soon.

Elison.

미안해.

미안해! 난 요즘 바빴어요...

I'm sorry, I had been busy so I didn't have time to really update.

This picture was taken at riverwalk on saturday when we went for the blood donation drive together. It ended up with only james, jeremy and me donating, cause the rest didn't have their consent forms. I'm so proud of us! We overcame the fear of pain and needles and did our part in saving lives. :)

Anyway, after some encouragement, I finally decided to register for the language test yesterday. The test is this friday. I really hope to do well. 어쩌죠? 아이고...난 자신이없어...

I'm pretty amazed that my cassette player, the one that I've owned since primary school, is still pretty much fully functional! AMAZING huh?

I thought about many things lately. Have I not been doing enough? What is it more that I can do? The things in my heart, who would know and understand? Why are things going the way they are? All the efforts that I've made over the past year just went down the drain like that, and yet I sit here, not being able to do anything at all. Sometimes I take it too hard upon myself. I wish I could just ease a little. I also wish I can be better at it, but why does it seem that everytime I do it, I fail at excelling in it? Oh God, help me to love beyond my own ability. Many times I may not understand, but God, there are things that I still pray for hoping that things will take a turn, yet at the end of it all, my trust is in You. Oh God...제발요...제발.

Elison.

updates.

I really like this shot cause you can see SHINee and Hongki together, but Onew and Minho got cut out... :(

Ahh, anyway, my threadless tees just came! YAY! I'm so happy to finally get the clothes. It took about 2 weeks. But nonetheless it's pretty! :D

See, I haven't registered for my Korean Placement Test, I'm kind of afraid. I don't know if I would be able to do well. Cause I'm using the sogang book and not kyunghee. But I've been studying a lot for it already. And there's oral. I don't know...I don't seem to have much faith. It's like I'm okay talking to my classmates, but talking to the natives gets me tongue-tied and all. Aye...HELP~But I really think that these few days my Korean has improved a lot. New grammar, new ways to form sentences. I guess as I study more grammar, I realised what I studied earlier becomes linguistically and socially irrelevant. This language has SO much to learn! When will I ever master it....ㅠ.ㅠ

Ah, I bet I haven't talked about the book. It's called 황소와 도깨비. It's really interesting. Finally finished hearing the whole story yesterday. But I haven't finished studying it yet. 참, and the writer is very amazing. He died at 27, but at that tender age, he has written many titles and Korean students study his works for literature. Isn't it amazing? 훌륭해요! But poor guy, I don't know why he died so young, so don't ask me. ><

오빠 정말 고맙습니다. 오빠는 없이면, 난 어떻게하면 모르겠어요. 그래서 고마워요. 가르치기 전에 한국말이 영어보다 어려워요.그분이 제일 잘 가르쳐요! 은혜는 평생 잊기 않겠어요.난 약속하고 한국어를 열심히 공부할 거예요.오빠도 영어를 열심히 공부해? "티끌모아 태산."오빠는 기억해? ^^

I like the weather lately. It's not too warm. In fact, it's cooling. 좋아서...

Elison.

contemplates.

Today is a bad day I suppose. How should I put it? It isn't exactly bad, but bad things did happen you see...

Dragonboat. Aye, why did it have to rain? Because of the rain we had so little time on the water, we barely got started and the race ended. =.= It'd be so much more fun if the hands-on was much longer..really.

Next, I had to take the extremely long and chilly 67 home. It was so crowded with people, you'd know what I mean if you know where the bus passes through. =.=

After that, I was supposed to meet Mr Kim. We already agreed to meet. But he didn't show up! fndjasowruiaskl;'! I bet he fell asleep cause until now, he hasn't replied my smses or given me a call. ifpofkcal;sd,lawkeropk;L,! So I ended up with Bron, Chenyang, Mingjie and Sarah. Oh yea, I partly lost my voice by the way. o.O

If not for Mr Kim, I wouldn't have been waiting at the mrt station, and seen that person. To me, she'll always be a hurt in my heart, an old wound that seems to get inflamed time and time again. Let not the past hold me. To me she was so important, now she's gone. We stood at different corners of the station, no words. Why? We used to be so close...Maybe the reason why Kexin is so dear to me also cause they looked alike? I don't know...but I know Kexin won't leave me like she did...sigh.

Indeed, it was a looooong day. Sigh.

Elison.

oh...두부...

I really like this picture of Onew. And I love the little sketch at the side! It looks so much like Onew! haha, no one can ever resist the cuteness of Onew. ><

Hmm, today was spent rather meaningfully I guess. Woke up early in the morning to practise my guitar, then rested like for an hour or so. After that I baked gingerbread cookies to bring for cell group meeting tomorrow. Then I realised I couldn't eat it cause I was fasting! I'm so duh la, I couldn't even tell if it was cooked and all. But thank God it turned out just great! ><>

After that we went for dinner at Clarke Quay and we saw Yunrui there. We were shopping at Clarke Quay when we got psychoed by this auntie who tried to scam me into buying this vest. It's like freaking 70 bucks can. And the label doesn't look like it's MIK at all. She was shocked when she realised I could read the Korean words on her catalogue. And no, she's not korean. Smart enough, we left the place and walked to city hall. Van couldn't find the bag she wanted, so we walked to Marina Square. LOL, we saw Lucas there at Club Marc. So funny to meet him there. And our awkward conversation. HAHA.

Yes, and Zara was on sales. Wah so happy, I got like 3 new tops for about 100 bucks. But it was definitely worth the buy as compared to that nicely designed MIC vest. ><>

Ah, I suppose this post is rather boring? I'm bored. Korean grammar is killing me. I hope the phone won't ring. LOL.

Elison.

재미있었어요!

5! LOL, ah, I was so tired yesterday, so pardon for not updating my blog although I wanted to.

Hmm, yesterday I went to the beach with Kyungsoo and his Korean friends. Ah, I must say, initially it was very awkward and all, cause they were mostly speaking in Korean and since they've been together for so long, it was difficult to be included in them. And I guess I wasn't myself, cause I got super quiet unlike the usual me. LOL, yea, I can be quiet one okay. We swam and played a little in water, then ate some food that Kyungsoo bought from Korea and sandwiches that Minjung made. We also played GoStop! Ah, it was fun! Initially I was watching Kyungsoo, Steven and Minsun playing, I couldn't catch it at all. So I begged Kyungsoo to teach me. So Steven and him taught Minji and me how to play it. So the next game, Minji and I played it! First round, Steven played alone while Kyungsoo paired with me, Minji with Minsun. And we won! ><>

Hmm, but in all, it was a good experience la. I guess for very long, I've not felt what it means to join a new group. Like it was a chance for me to experience how a new friend would feel when he or she comes to church or cell group. It takes alot of courage to be willing to even meet up with these people you hardly know, let alone spend a day withe them. So I learned that we need to be more inclusive of other people...so that they won't feel so awkward and all. Hmm, yea. n444 jiayou! <3

Elison.

bloob bloob blue~

하늘 색! Yay, recently my things are turning blue. It all started with my DS lite. ㅋㅋㅋ...예뻐요? I'm so bored staying at home the whole day! ><

LALALA~ 프리마던나!~아, 홍기야...

사랑해,

Elison.

F.T 아일랜드 쇼케이스

F.T 아일랜드 쇼케이스 @ St James Power Station, Dragonfly.

One word to describe the showcase- Phenomenal. The boys, they looked exactly how I've seen them in the photos and videos. They have not been excessively photoshopped. They just look as if they walked out of the poster. Amazing. 진자 잘 생긴 남자들이.

I think that the venue for the showcase really sucked. It was definitely not a place to hold crazy fangirls and rockprinces. But nonetheless, the boys made it work on stage. Hongki's voice is just amazing! I mean, how could a 19 year old sing with such emotions? How can he be so much more accomplished than I am at my age?Pretty boy. I'll always remember how he sang live on stage, esp for ft vs pri. Amazing. And Jonghoon, he's soo handsome. His nose! Ahh, so nice. :)

I think the 3 of us weren't crazy fangirls who stalked them all over the place. I think it's so stressful to go everywhere and end up having to face crazy girls staring at them all the time! Why did some people have to go and piss them while they were trying to enjoy their day? This is so stupid. Hongki is too cute. I guess he badly wanted to go shopping since it's the Great Singapore Sale but that wasn't in the organisers' itinerary for them. And to the idiot who stuck the sticker on his neck! You just made Hongki noticed you, for the wrong reason. =.= congrats.

I just hope they won't be too pissed to return to Singapore. I hope like what they mentioned during the fanmeet, they'd be back at the end of the year...><

The experience to watch the boys is still really memorable! I just fulfilled a lifetime dream of watching the boys live. <3><

Elison.

미쳐 미쳐 미쳐 미쳐 미쳐!

I'm doing the same expression as Key right now! I'm wrecking my head trying to think of what to do for F.T's present and what to write for F.T's letter! I'm also wondering if i should ask Hongki to help me pass a letter to Key and Onew. 아이구...미쳐 미쳐미쳐요!

I met up with ruiliang today to do some shopping at Queensway. I spent like 120 bucks. LOL. I really love the stuffs I bought today, especially my new heels! :D Amazing... I'm missing everyone from dm and makeup! Aye, I wish there are rehearsals again...then we can laugh and talk crap, go for late night supper and chit chat...Hahah, loves.

I had a good talk with Barry earlier. Sometimes I guess I'm too urgent about things. Talking to him helped set somethings into place. And I feel so encouraged just merely smsing my leader! :) Many things are soon going to be happening. I need to gear up spiritually stronger this year-more prayers, more fasting, more serving, greater commitment. I'm excited of the things to come. I've made some decisions. 21 it shall be. I'll do it again. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done. Draw me closer to you...

[edit]경수오빠 만세! 오빠가 진자 친절한 사람이에요...Lalala, he promised to help me with the letter and revise my korean. Yay, 오빠 만세! :D

Elison.

리허설

I am so tired....just 3 more days. Keep me alive God...제발요...

Elison.

Iqueue.

I was facebooking today when the screen showed this. LOL. if you are wondering who those people are, from left to right: ruiliang, grace, vanessa, collin, me.

Haha, see you must know that this facebook ad is totally random. To have my cell group members there is really by chance. And the IQ levels are so adorably allocated. Grace, by chance, might be considered a genius. And Collin might be dumb. And me!? I might be either ridiculously smart they don't know what to call me, or so stupid that they are speechless! LOL, this is sure something funny! 재미 있다!

Elison.

피곤해...

This week has been packed and tiring. Physically, it's tolling having to wake up so early to pray. I guess I really felt it crucifying my flesh. But God has been really faithful. No matter how tired I was, during the prayer meeting He's so faithful to come and refresh me, especially on days that I can't go home to sleep. However tired, it's a great experience for me. Something is just different about this week's prayer meeting from the rest. I did enjoy myself really. Fellowshipping with Jon and Chenyang and Gracie. Hahah, interesting times. Like back to old days?

I've decided to leave it as it is. Not what I do. It cannot be maintained by me alone. That was my ultimatum.

I think there isn't a place like ministry anywhere. A place to be edified, to have another family, to be filled and encouraged. The purpose of drama ministry is not about showing off our talents to others, it's not just about serving God with the talents He has placed into us, but about the anointing and presence of God that we will bring down that will touch thousands-members and new friends. I guess that's the really fulfilling part of DM eh? The long hours we spend together, chatting rehearsing, laughing..haha, I mean in the essence I may not be close to everyone, especially the veterans, it's this trust that I know they are people that I can rely on. Fathers' day is going to be just great. I know it will. :)

Dang, shall end it here. I've gotta go to prepare to go to church. It's going to be great tonight! :)

Elison.

put me to sleep

At this hour, I know I should be in bed already. But I can't get to sleep with those thoughts on my mind. I tossed around in bed for a while and finally decided to get up and switch on my macbook again to blog. 

I guess it's hard. But that's just my primary love language. When it's not met, no matter what you do, it doesn't make me feel that you love or care for me.

What are friends? What is friendship? Everything seems blurred. Badly defined? You are best friends with someone because you chose to be close to that person. Sad to say, sometimes, such love is not mutual, and is left unreciprocated. It's just foolish thinking on my part. It's just me and my wishful thinking to perceive that we have a strong friendship. I had to take so long to see things clearly. I feel like i'm used and abused. I'm willing to meet your needs. But hey, I have my own too.

If we are best friends, why don't we meet?

If we are best friends, why do you only know what I think or feel through my blog?

If we are best friends, why is it that my latest calls or messages have nothing to do with you?

Take this, it's reality. we aren't.

I don't know about your lives, cause maybe to you I'm not that important. You don't know about mine either, cause I'm tired of taking the initiative to type smses.

I hate it when my life encircles around this. It's always in a circle. Some point later I'll be back to this again. God, since you can give me salvation, please, give me strong friendships that are built to last. I'm sick and tired of getting back to this issue again.

Like what meitong said, friendships in lives have phases. Maybe I should just be taking it as it comes. What's there to be upset about? You guys just stayed slightly longer than others. That's something maybe I should be grateful for. Because I don't know how to love.

So for now, 잘 가.

Elison.

열심히해주세요!

I just got home from school. Actually had my reservations about going for the LPP talk since I can't apply for the LPP, but nonetheless I went. Wow, it was amazing, I have to say I don't regret going. Cause afterall I met a few people who were like me, can't take part in the LPP, but still going to sit for the CLS placement test and bid for higher level Korean modules. It was fun taking the bus home with Pamela, cause though we just met, I think the love for Korea connected us pretty well. Ah, just hope she'll be my future classmate. Okay, so I have slightly more than a month to start mugging now for my Korean test. I hope I do well and don't get placed in level 1. LOL. 

난 집에 금왔어요. 오늘 대학교에 강의 들르러 갔어요. 근대 강의를 재미 있었어요. 많이 한국어 학생을 마났어요. 7월15일 CLS 시험이 있어요. 이제 부터 나는 열심히 공부해요!아, 파이팅!~

아, 토요일에 콜린 씨 한국친구 켱수 씨 교희에 올 거요.나는 너무 너무 흥분예요. 기다려요!

Oh goodness, the korean dictionaries are so cool. Pamela makes me so want to own one. Check them out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQbUSe1jjUw

http://www.loopygadgets.com/sharp-rd-pm10-e-dictionary-and-media-player/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBkKjkItOGE

Elison.

Bad night.

심장이 떨리는 Rush
이 순간 모두다 Hush
음악과 하나 같이
Let me talk to U~

I didn't sleep well. I had 2 nightmares in a row. I'm so drained. :( Take it away. The nightmares felt so real. Urgh...I still have to go to school later for the LPP talk. 

It feels so good to be back serving God with everyone again. Thanks for giving back my sanity! I love DM. <3

Elison.

given away.

The mouth, or the tongue to be exact, is a very powerful tool.  As Man, we can try to package ourselves nicely and hide everything evil beneath to cover up our hearts, but the moment our mouth speaks, everything just crumbles and falls off. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. 

I feel sorry for you. Cause when you spoke, we witnessed your true character.

Elison.

잠꼬대 (Please, Don`t Go)

[온유] 어젯밤 꿈속에 네가 내게 다가와

속삭인 그 말이 내 얼굴 만지던 그 머릿결이

[종현] 꿈에서 깨보니 너무나도 선명한데

네가 있는 게 꿈이었단 걸 내 눈가에 고여진 눈물이 말해줬어

*[종현/w온유] 안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요

[종현] 다시 눈감아 널 보러 가면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

[종현] 눈을 떠 보아도 네 모습만 선명한데

네가 있는게 꿈이었단 걸 내 눈물에 비춰진 슬픔이 말해줬어

*[온유/w종현] 안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한번 만 한번 만 날 다시 안아줘요

[온유] 다시 눈감아 널 보게 되면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

[종현] 애를 써 애를 써도 떼를 써 떼를 써 다시 돌아와

*[종현/w온유] 안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요

안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요

[온유] 다시 눈감아 널 보러 가면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

Last night
You came to me in my dreams
Whispered those words..
The soft hair that brushed my face
Even after waking from this dream
Everything seems so vivid
The only evidence that you were but a dream
are the tears pooled in my eyes

It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Just once more, just once more, hold me like this
If I close my eyes to go see you again
Hold the one who has stopped right here

Even after opening my eyes
Everything seems so vivid
The only evidence that you were but a dream
is the sadness reflecting from my tears

It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Just once more, just once more, hold me like this
If I close my eyes to go see you again
Hold the one who has stopped right here

I’ll try and try again
Attempt the impossible again and again
Come back to me

It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Please hold me again just once, just once
It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Please hold me again just once, just once
If I close my eyes to go see you again
Hold the one who has stopped right here

After I posted this, I went to Ruiliang's blog and I realised we have the SAME blog song. LOL. Shabang Shabang!~

Elison.

하나님 밖에 없는데

Okay. I've finally chosen the course to go to. NUS Bizad. Ahh, thinking about it just makes me wanna laugh. I really vividly remember saying that I'll never study in NJ and I'll never study business. But I guess God has proven it the other way around. Whatever it is, although I'm going to battle with Economics once again, I'm pretty much still excited for school. Yay, Nus Bizad. Here I come! I have so many goals set just for this. LOL.

와오! 어제 너의 메시지 받아요..
사실이, 난 너무너무 충격이에요.
왜냐하면 너를 처음 이런게 하다.
2년전 부터...
왜 지금까지 기다릴까요?
흐.
난 필요 없어.
나가!
남자는 사랑을 몰라.

To me, you no longer matter.
너 상관 없어.

Elison.

That post is so not done by me...=.=

Under my skin~

I'm so bored. Avid readers like Gracie, I'm so sorry for not updating for a week. Ah, i guess it requires some inspiration to write here. Hahah, I'm currently at Grace's house with James. Very bored... what should i do now? hmmm... should i bath? should i play with my hair? or should i adore myself in the mirror? any comment? of what should i do? so sorry i am obsesses about myself! oh my oh my, why the weather is so hot today? feel like not wearing anything at all... do you agree with me? Grace mum is cooking "Kong Ba Bun" for me to eat, cant wait for it! 

Hmmm ya remind me to take $$ from James for the guitar picks, i think it around $2... haha oh my, james is indecisive, so lazy... grace is so hilarious, as usual... she cant wait to watch the legend... it the korean drama that aired quite long ago... She wanna watch monster VS alien in 3D format, anybody wanna tag along? 

Felt abit tired now, after helping james to translate the korean word for his assignment... haha, i am seriously indulging in myself... i am so high because i listen to the song from the legend... heehee... i am eating the Bun now... Grace mum deliver the food to me liao... but i havent say grace yet... Lol... Grace is here, why do i need to say it? lame lah... agree with me?

we are watching the korean drama now, the guy was shouting "city hall" for no reason... Lol... oh the drama has no english substitles, too bad for james and grace... i can understand what they talking... i am evil... now grace is restarting the whole drama again... wasting time... i keep on saying setup but grace dont follow my instruction... hai... i am smart yeah? somehow i feel so "ke lian" now Grace said the girl is"chio" in the drama... hmmm i dont think so, i think i more chio... heehee, self praise = international disgrace... Grace again, but now i DIS grace... sorry grace...

Steph-

irony.

I was watching channel 8 drama earlier and a thought struck my head.

I think that people who commit suicide are actually very courageous people. Having walked out from depression before, I know how difficult it is to take one's own life. It requires a lot of courage. So actually people who kill themselves are very brave. But ironically, they are brave enough to kill themselves, but not brave enough to face up to life's challenges. How funny. =.=

Yay, stephie loves xuanie and oppa! :DDDD

Elison.