비가 왔어. 난 슬퍼요.

The perfect weather and timing to sit before the computer to blog while having a cup of hot coffee at hand. :) I just love rainy days. Allows me to contemplate over life you see.

One more week and Kyungsoo is going back to Korea, probably for good. Seriously, I'll miss him. Although we only met like June, he's been so much of a help to me, teaching me Korean language and the culture. Although he is always late cause he oversleeps, he's really a great friend. My first Korean friend in Singapore. Within a period of less than 3 months, my first Korean friend and teacher is leaving. It's sad I guess. I won't have a Korean friend to read Korean books to me and go through my texts anymore. And he'll be going into the army soon. Like Seungho. But it's not that bad. With technology, I guess we still can keep in touch via email and so on. But yes, I will miss him. Goodbye my friend. I hope to see you in Korea. I promise the next time I meet you, 2 years later, I'll speak in perfect Korean. 약속해...

I guess it's a spiritual fight. Yesterday Barry shared about temptations and today Pastor Kong shared with us about Goliath and the 5 stones we need to pick up. This few weeks has been really tough on me, cause many things have happened. But each time I feel like I don't want to do it anymore, it's through the encounters with God that I find new strength to carry on, healing of my heart, and encouragement by the Holy Spirit. It's about doing things even when you feel least like doing it. And everytime I do that, God is so faithful, it melts my heart. Thank God for God. Because without God, I could just die from a broken heart.

I'm not a perfect person. And I'm sorry for my imperfectness that may have hurt anyone. But no one is perfect. 这世上也没有所谓的“谁对不起谁”。We all fall, we all make mistakes. Sorry is all I can say. Pastor Kong said sometimes saying sorry once is not enough. Should I kneel before you and beg for forgiveness? If that is what it takes, I'd do it. But now when I've decided to move on? Maybe it's just good for it to end all here. I still keep you, in this corner of my heart, and in my wallet.

If time is all that you need...

Life is never easy, relationships are never easy. We live a lifetime to learn how to live with people. Because no one is able to understand us perfectly, or suit us perfectly.

Why are people often choosing the same route? And they seem to like to do it at the same time. I felt like everything was just my fault. All I could hear was Satan. Mocking at me. Demeaning me. Arrows shot at my heart. Bleeding. Pain. All my fault. It's all my fault.

But that is illogical. I don't live your lives or choose your emotions. You do. You make decisions over your own lives. Why then is it my fault? Why?

I hate my imperfectness. And through life, more imperfectness surfaces. And the more I hate this part of me. How can you guys expect me to be perfect when no one is? I'm not God. Yet I want with God in likeness. Let me grow to, hopefully, attain that perfection someday.

忘れないで - Tohoshinki/ 東方神起
I can feel your presence on the path we always walk on
Quietly closing my eyes wishing
that this feeling will never go away

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
I want to fly to the world you're in
I want to see you, I want to see you
I will always wait for you
Because I just can't forget you

The night that I felt you
was already broken
The sweet drifting memories become stronger, Baby
I never want this to end
and hold your hand tighter
I can't leave you

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
and fly to the world you're in
because I want to see you, I want to see you
I'll be waiting for you
I'll be waiting for you

Because I just can't forget you
I'll always be here, I won't forget you

Elison.