질식사

Please, you're suffocating me. You are pushing me. You are pressurising me.
It was supposed to be something happy, yet you are making me sick. The stress that you give me, deters me. It's not supposed to be this way. Please, don't kill me... You are making me go crazy! 당신이 우리의 우정을 걸고있다. You're hurting me. You make me feel condemned. You make me feel like a lousy person. I need a breather.

To each a level of faith, to each a level of consecration. Pardon me if mine doesn't match up with yours, but please, don't judge me.

My heart, needs to be touched, needs to be refreshed. God, I'm sorry for feeling so.

So many thoughts.

Elison.

crap?

Talking about crap, I realised it is also a vulgar word like s**t. I only realised when I went to dictionary dot com today. Haha, the right word to use is defaecate. LOL, I must apologise for how explicitly and unsightly this blog entry is due to the foul language. but I guess educating my readers is a very important mission you see. Heh, I'm so sorry. :D

I realised many ppl have been asking me where I go to to fangirl. rawr, i'll put up the links to the websites soon so you can go there as well...

Anyways, I have nothing to blog about really. Pardon me for changing blog songs so rapidly, cause song addictions do change, and this song by Ast'1 has a really nice catchy tune...So I couldn't help it.. I met up with Peixuan for dinner today, had a good talk with her. After that Yuanling and James came to join us. Haha, we fought over Thomas again. =.=

I guess the multiplication challenged me to look at things in a different perspective. And because the group is smaller, it's easier to take a step back to evaluate all the relationships I have with the people in n444, giving me room to contemplate and plan for the times ahead. A new cell group marks many new beginnings, but it all buoys down to Him, our first love. It's important not to keep chasing after a vision and forget the one who is the source.

Elison.

사랑 하지 마요

It's lunch time now in the office, and I'm so zonking out. Rawr, the rush in blood glucose level just makes me sleepy. But Ft Island makes me happy! :) Currently listening to 사랑 하지 마요 ( Don't ever love) from their Colorful Sensibility Album. Initially, it was the tune of the song and Hongki's amazing voice that captured my attention. But the lyrics of the song are so sad, and you can feel the emotions through Hongki's voice. :D Kpop is just awesome.

사랑 하지 마요 ( Don't ever Love) - FT Island
I have to leave, I have to hurry and leave
Affection will turn into tears
So that I can’t see the one I left behind
I have to hurry a bit more and leave
She is crying,
the love that I leave
The overwhelming sadness is flowing
It is so difficult to take a step
With her back to me
She stands, crying

Don’t ever love
Heartbreak will surely come
It hurts to even breathe
I thought that this would only hurt as much as I loved
But I was wrong. It hurts a thousand times more

I’m afraid of living with my eyes open
Because I know I won’t see you even if I look for you
It seems better to fall asleep exhausted
After longing for you

Don’t ever love
Heartbreak will surely come
It hurts to even breathe
I thought that this would only hurt as much as I loved
But I was wrong. It hurts a
thousand times more

Just once, one
more time, can’t we try it? Can’t we?
I cry out like an idiot to myself

Don’t ever love
It hurts enough to die
You will cry everyday
I told myself that when love comes again
that it would be easier
and that it would last
But I was wrong.
Not for my love
Not for me

However sad it may be in the song, God called us to love! So about 사랑 하지 마요? Haha, not that applicable?

Just have some thoughts in my mind. I guess we need to learn to be less concerned about ourselves and begin to learn how to make sacrifices. Holiness in it's essence, it's not about how many prayer meetings you attend, or how many christian songs you listen to on your ipod. When the heart is right, all that flows out will be right.

Elison.

Work

I'm currently blogging in the office. I'm trying to catch a break from the endless list of names we have to mail letters to. Kevin is sleeping, and I don't know what Ivan is doing.

But anyways, the results are out. I don't know what to say, it's not too bad, but it isn't all that excellent either. Well... multiplication. New cg, new beginning. But may friendships continue to burn strongly.

I'm fangirling over ft island in the office. HAHA..Gotta get back to work. Will blog again soon.

Elison.

destiny of love (shinhwa)

Yeah I want you to listen closely to what I have to say
first thing you left me The next thing I got nothing
everything was gone with you check it

Although I used to hope that the morning would arrive
But I tremble from my sad longing and I cry again

Everyone lives happily but why am I trapped in darkness
I long for you who have left, will I live my days in hell

You're breathing in my heart, how do I forget you and continue to live
The shattering separation, the broken pieces are hurting my heart
Deciding to leave it behind and trying to forget, but there's a huge void without you
Even if I hurt til I die I will still wait for you, until you come

Even if I try to close my eyes I will keep seeing you, I seem to be going crazy
Even if it's just once, if I could see you, I will be fine

you see I'm a helpless all I can do
I have nothing hopeless want no more or nothing' less
you said it's all for the best from one to ten I can't forget it
From the beginning til the end you say time go fast don't tell me that

you know I want you back
You're breathing in my heart, how do I forget you and continue to live
The shattering separation, the broken pieces are hurting my heart
Deciding to leave it behind and trying to forget, but there's a huge void without you

Even if I hurt til I die I will still wait for you, until you come
Even if everything in the world disappeared, I still couldn't erase you
Your scent still remains even now, only as the hatred that is my wound
I can't let you go, I definitely can't let you go
baby please don't leave me alone please come back

I wrote a letter without an address, I called a number that has already been changed
I smile and greet you in a photograph that has yellowed
Are you living well without me, or are you sad
Is there anything that makes you worried more than hating me

If I erase the love in my heart that has cooled, how do I live
I hate myself for not forgetting this love, although I really hate it
I'm using this heart to say I love you, I love you, I love you
Even if my heart stops beating I will still wait for you, until you come
Elison.