complicated.

This week hasn't been the easiest week for me I should say. Monday to Thursday were spent at camp, Friday at cell group, Saturday at Rag and service. Thank God for Sundays.

O-week has been pretty okay I suppose. Just tiring, that's all. Cause I didn't manage to get enough sleep for that few days. The games weren't all that interesting. I guess I had most fun when I was just hanging out with the OG. This alum group seems like a good place to begin my tertiary education. School's going to officially begin on Tuesday. I'm having mixed feelings. Nonetheless still excited cause the long holiday is finally going to be over. *amoeba makes me crazy!~*

Thank you James for accompanying me to Peninsula to get the guitar stuffs on Friday.

I got a confirmation on Friday. Since then, there are many thoughts running through my mind. For the past 2 days, I talked to many people- James, Yunrui, Barry, Meitong. I needed to talk about my feelings. I needed to express how hurt I am feeling. I needed to express all my disappointments. I'm so sorry, so sorry that it happened. I thought about how I could have been a better friend, that if I had done something and not acted according to my own emotions, perhaps the ending to the story could have been different. I kept hearing the ifs. If only, if I had, if it wasn't for...it's my fault, it's all my fault. My mind felt like exploding. I wanted to give up too. I heard Satan asking me to throw in the towel as well, since everything is getting really difficult and tacky.

Yesterday at service, I cried so hard. The tangible presence of God, the healing power of God that touched my heart, the warmth of the Spirit...I know God will take this pain away. All I need to do now is to move on, let go and let God. I don't know what to do now that things have ended up this way. I just keep crying. Is there an action plan I can carry out? I need something from God.

If you are reading this: I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. All these years, despite all the conflicts we may have, to me, you are important. Maybe you think it's all too late to say this now. But this is what I really feel in my heart. You're not just someone in the cg. You are a friend. To me, you were someone I looked up to spiritually, a discipler. I'm sorry if you felt I never met up to your expectations as a friend. I think in my lifetime, I've failed so many times as a friend, I never expected that I failed as one to you as well. I'm sorry. If you would, please forgive me. No matter what choices you may make, I'll respect you. But all I ask, is for this friendship. For this friendship to be reconciled. Because you never knew how much you meant to me. I love you my friend, and I'm sorry.

I will render praises to You.

For my soul trusts in You;

And in the shadow of Your Wings I will make my refuge.

For You have delivered my soul from death.

Have You not kept my feet from falling,

That I may walk before God

In the light of the living?

Elison.