close to perfection

Today is a day close to perfection.

In school, though lessons were boring as usual, but I had a great talk with jie. She shared with me many things about church and God, and I felt grieved in my spirit, about how she was brought up in a way to reject the Holy Spirit. How I wished she could know God the way I knew Him to be, I know it's not easy for her, having to stand up against her parents and elders because of what she believed in, and being brought up knowing a tinted version of the Bible and God. Thank God that i could minister to her because all the answers to the questions she had were in GOHS. It's not just about having head knowledge, but it's really applying the Word of God into lives that make a difference. It is absolutely important to get equipped with the Word of God so you can be more effective for God.

Anyway, after economics lecture today, I took the same bus home with nicko. Whee, he says that i look like i lost more than 6kg already. Whaha, thanks to the resounding voice of John in my head that reminds me not to eat so much and gain back the 6kg that I painstakingly lost. That hindered me from eating too much and abstain from fattening food. So we were talking about church and all then he told me that he realised that everytime he talks to me, he feels that his faith rises to a new level. And I felt happy, not because it's about ME, but it's more like I felt the Holy Spirit using me to minister to others. I was telling kexin that I recently have this urge to minister to people, to teach and help them to grow more in the Lord. If i could make a difference in their lives, I choose to do so. She told me I've grown, and I really think that those 21 days have not been to waste, but it caused me to feel more empowered to serve.

Not by power, not by might, but by My Spirit...

Stephiephoe.

men.

I've decided I musn't allow my wrath to get the better of me. But sometimes, you just can't help but feel so provoked you know.

Yesterday Pastor taught us about men and their purpose. And he mentioned that after the fall of adam. all these purposes became corrupted.

I kinda feel it's so true, men are absolutely poor in communication. They don't understand things, they don't clarify, they don't think before they say, they don't apologise. And most of the time, they just think that they are right. Even if they aren't, their ego gets the better of them. This is what i feel at least, generically speaking, not applicable to ALL men, just so to be fair to the minority.

Sometimes i just find it amusing how some people can blame everything and everyone else for the things in their lives and not evaluate themselves. WOW. It's amazing what love can do and selfishness can destroy. In God there is no I. There is only 1 way, the Jesus' way.

Enough of my sarcasm, I have a lot of thoughts flying through my head. There are many things that I want to do, and I feel prompted to do. I just pray that I'll be faithful to follow through, and not gradually over time, forget about everything that I had started on. Help me O Lord.

Stephiephoe.

elison is nice, from the word Elijah, which means Jehovah is God.
eliora is nice too, it means God is light.

wah, so hard to decide. the more names i find, the harder it becomes.

Stephiephoe.

tagged.

LOL, i realised rita tagged me to do this. I thought I'd be nice to do it! (:

1.who are you chatting with now?
van
2.what do you want the most now?
haha, eat dinner.
3.what i did at 6pm?
it's not 6pm yet. But i'm watching tv!
4.Do you hate your friends sometimes?
haha.
5.when do you wish to die?
not so soon. only until I've finished running the race
6.Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after rain?
absolutely.
7.What impossible things you would wish to do?
with God all things are possible.
8.What is your greatest phobia?
all fears are cast out in Jesus' name!
9.Have you broken someone's heart that he/she tried to commit suicide?
gee, i don't know.
10.What if your crush asked you out?
who cares.
11.When is the last time you fell in love?
everyday! i'm falling in love with God each day. (:
12.What feeling you hate most?
LOL, for people to NOT reply sms or pick up calls.
13.Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
not exactly. i guess some things are taken for granted for. oops.
14.What are you looking forward to in this coming weeks?
baptism! and for pastor mike connell to come. of course for cgm tml!
15.Who do you hope to be always there for you?
no one is always there. there's only God.
16.List words that describe you.
deep
17.Who do you love most?beside God and family.
haha, my boyboy, family, and close friends.
18.When do you plan to settle down?
when i'm 28 or so.
19.What is your greatest secret?
gee, i don't know.
20.Tagged people.
anyone who wants to do this, LOL.

Was in school today when my friends were helping me think of a baptism name. I was high after lunch, so was coming up with really stupid names. like erm stephanie escar goh (escargots), stephanie sandie goh (san diego), stephanie ahgo goh (agogo), stephanie man goh (mango), stephanie bing goh (bingo), etc. LOL, i liked justina and elison! haha, I want to get baptised! (:

okie dokes, gotta go and do my transition elements tutorial already. bleahh, mug mug mug, shining for God!

Stephiephoe.

"i heart"

whee!~ this is nick's attempt to be part of the "i heart" revolution. cool huh? I love this ministry so much.

but anyway, today i was standing at dhoby ghaut mrt and staring at the missing persons advertisement.I suddenly saw in my spirit, that in heaven, God also has this super huge wall full of posters of the people that He had created. It contained all the information about every single one of us in great details. On some posters, there were stickers that says "FOUND" in bold, these are those who have a personal relationship with God. On these posters, there were details of their encounters with Him. Some have no stickers on them at all, they are the lost. There were also others with the remnants of the "FOUND" sticker after it was torn off, and there was an additional line written there "last seen at (place) at (time)". The point here being, if you are lost, God wants to meet you, if you were once His child, all the more He wants you to come home to Him! What a heavy responsibility we have to bring these people into the house of God. How sad God must be to tear off the sticker and write down when was the last time He met you. God is amazing ain't He? (:

My tooth is hurting like crazy. XC braces braces, i want nice teeth SOON. FAST.

Stephiephoe.

pms!

i hate it when people don't reply sms, i hate it when people promise to call and they don't, i hate it when i want to get something but yet ending up i can't get it.

PMS-ing.

Stephie.

sigh

I'm in a i-don't-know-what-i-am-feeling-and-why kind of mood.
Lord, guard my heart i pray.
sigh.
a hug would be great.

Stephie.

photos

just done some editing. (: i think i have some talent. HAHA.

Stephiephoe.

blue-blacks ):

left calf.

right calf.

bleah, 10 blue-blacks on my calves, 5 on each. The result of backstaging during fathers' day. If i could, i'd just stick to acting. The job is much easier.

check out the cg blog for today's wonderful pictures! I love n284.

Stephiephoe.

wheee!~

hmm, I realised i don't have a nice photo with kexin dear. it's okay, i'll upload my pretty face! haha, hope that shepherd's pie will perk you up my lovely! I can't wait for waraku next week. teehee...haha, john say i look slimmer in this photo leh, whahah, it's raw, uncensored and unedited. I guess fasting has done my body some good!

anyway, vanessa asked me why i am so happy. gee, i don't know, haha, i just feel happy smiling, and i feel pretty smiling! I think i look better when i smile than when i emo sia. teehee. it's good to be happy, when you have confidence that exudes from within, it automatically makes you happier. it's more like having an identity in God that no one or words can change your mind! that's faith. (: I think losing weight also made me feel better about myself, that is, discounting the stretch marks. LOL.

teehee, i wanna get my tuition pay soon la, GSS i need moola for shopping! okay, i've got to run, tml have to wake up early for prayer meeting! tatas.

Stephiephoe.
I am in a i'm-so-happy-that-i-want-to-smile-at-everyone kind of mood.

i heart dm

sorry kexin, I couldn't help but kope this picture cause this is exactly what I feel now.

thanks to bosses sandy and jaslyn, nelson, lucas, adrian, nick, vincent, alan, veroy, calvin, bernard, veron, karen, maxey, kate, eunice, joy, ros, zhifang, eshan, matthew, eliz, ben for making this drama a success, especially to sandy for being strict but at the same time encouraging to me, to the girls for the great company you've been, to nick and vincent for lending me your arms as stress relief pads. thanks to simin and team for making us all gorgeous and hunky, thanks to the sound ministry for helping us to be able to relate properly to our audience, especially to richard, for being so entertaining and aiding to my balding problem by causing me much hair loss within these few days. thanks to kexin for being so encouraging to me especially when i needed you the most! I love you darling! thanks to pastor sidney for the encouragement and for being so welcoming, to wenling and yilun for the jiayous. thanks to the Most High for the anointing and capacity to contain the crowd, strength to make it through the exhaustive rehearsals. thanks also to papa for fetching me to expo early in the morning so i can save up on cab fare. haha..

whee, fathers' day production has finally ended. I think i'm going to have post-production syndrome again. wail~

oh ya, today morning while i was miking up, i heard a meow. some other ministry members heard it too so they went underneath the expo stage to catch the cat. couldn't imagine what would have happened if we hadn't realised it. probably the cat would run out during praise and worship into the congregation, or stroll across on stage when pastor kong is preaching. haha..

Stephiephoe.

gee.

gee, i'm home early today, actually was planning to turn in early since call time is 730 at expo tomorrow. But I guess I wanted to jot down some things first.

Today on the way to pasir ris to meet the zone ppl for the showdown, I met this couple on the train that set me thinking. Okay, i presume they are a couple luh, since they were wearing a pair of rings and the same design of watch. The thing was that if you didn't observe them close enough, you wouldn't think that they are seeing each other. From Jurong East to Tanah Merah, they didn't say a word at all to each other. When the train was about at Paya Lebar, the guy actually went to sit down without telling the girl, so at the next stop, she went to the next cabin and sat there. Even when they alighted at tanah merah and boarded the train to changi airport, they didn't sit together despite the train being rather empty. Okay I'm not kaypoh okay, just that I like to observe people and their actions a lot, that's why. Yea, back to the couple. Actually both of them look quite young, 14-15 year olds I guess. They set me into thinking why they even bother to be in a relationship. I mean what kind of couple goes out, wears the ring, couple watch, but does not talk, does not care for each other at all? Even if they quarrelled, why wasn't the boy even bothered with humoring and pacifying his girlfriend? Is there a point in this? I mean, gosh, the girl is so young, if things don't work out, she can always let it go and wait till the right one comes when she gets older, why would she want to wear the ring on her ringman, and perhaps stay committed to this guy that she may no longer feel the love and passion for? And if one day they actually break up, lead their own separate lives, meet the man and woman of their lives, would there actually be the joy of having their husband/wife to place the wedding band on their ringman, because afterall it's not the first time they are wearing a ring of commitment there anymore. Hmm, as teenagers, sometimes we just think that people try to interfere too much into our lives, we don't want to let people in because we think that what we do is best for our lives, and we don't need others to tell us what to do. Yet many a times we forget that people can sometimes give us good advices which wouldn't lead our lives to destruction unlike what we often do. I've learned much along my life, and sometimes I wished I had been wiser as a youth. But nonetheless, there is no need for regrets, because everything is still under God's control. He knew I was to stumble there in my life, so the greatest comfort is to have my Lord and Saviour to be so faithful and understanding, that in the midst of all these, He still loves me. :) So I guess life only happens once, though we may not get it right all times, but the more important thing is that we try.

Enough of my deep train of thoughts, i have 4 and 1/2 hours more before waking up. Gosh, tml is father's day svc already. WHEW!~ I can't wait for sunday to end.

For Your glory, for Your honour.

Stephiephoe.

wheee!

Today is a "wheee!~" kind of day. Haha..I got my eyemasks and my cookie monster tee shirt! teehee, my shirt is so cute leh! but it's a bit short sia. Oh well, nonetheless, cute! :)

Anyway, today's rehearsal ended early, so I could be back here to rest! Wee lee was so nice, he sent me all the way home when he lives in jurong. Thanks to him, I can be home this early! whee, today is a good but tiring day. I shall spend the time to study tml morning before gg out in the afternoon and for rehearsals at night. Thank God tml's rehearsal is at JW. tee hee...

Currently waiting for my 4 lens camera to arrive! I'm way too excited.

SORE THROAT!

Awaiting for a new day to serve the Lord!

Stephiephoe.

mirror mirror..

And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done and He rested on the seventh day from all His work that He has done.

God rested, so must we. Today I met up with Kexin for lunch at Lot One, and we rejoiced in each others' opportunity to take a good rest after a long week. She began to share with me how Pastor Meng also shared with them the importance of a good rest in SOT. Come to think of it, sometimes we really make ourselves very busy, hardly having enough time to do the things we need to do, let alone those that we want to do. At the end of each day, we end up drained and exhausted, and ask God why is it that we have so many things to do.

I remember reading in the book Boundaries (I bought from attributes) that many times in life, Christians struggle through, having so much to do, continually taking on more duties and eventually burn out. Made in the image of God, we are created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of this responsibility is knowing what is our job and what isn't, what we should be doing and what we shouldn't. The author mentioned that any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries. Hence, it is important for us as Christians to learn to say "No" and set biblical boundaries in our lives. That is when we can truly become effective in our ministry cause we do not waste time in futile pursuits, but what God has really destined us to do.

After talking to Desmond and Peixuan, I really think that I am a rather free person. Haha, I'm not sure if that is good or bad, but I do have a lot of time for myself each day of my life to reflect, and to make plans, to think and to analyse. Of course there are times when I am really busy, but most of the time I am able to make time. I guess time management is also a key. Apart from studying, I've learned to set aside time for play and for serving God, and I guess this helped me from burning out. I never want to be too busy for someone else in my life. I want to be able to be available when people need me. Maybe that explains things a little.

This first week of the 21days of prayer and fasting has been just great. I am totally in awe over the move of God in my life and the things He had spoken to me through others, and He caused me to realise that I need to slow down, and take a look at how good He has been to me in my life, ever since I have chosen Him over all the other things in my life. He had placed so many opportunities in my life to serve Him and others and I haven't took time to be realise it and be thankful to Him. The chances that I get, many people yearn to get them, and i forgot to realise how blessed I was. It's so important to look to the Blesser, and be thankful for the blessings, and not be focused on the blessings He gave. With all the word of wisdom,word of knowledge and prophesies spoken to me this entire week, I really feel that God is so so so faithful and all knowing. There is no one comparable to Him and what He has done for me in my life.

I must learn to be thankful, not regretful.

Stephiephoe.

day number four.

Today was an awesome day filled with many spiritual encounters with God.

But above all, I want to thank God that just into 3 days of praying that my parents will not have to relocate their shop elsewhere, it really happened! The owner agreed to allow my parents to keep a part of their shop and pay lower rent! Wheee, God is good, I never actually expected it, but it did happened. XD

I think God is really cool, like He knows everything, and He has total control of whom, how and when He wants to reveal to us this nature of His and allow that person to minister to us. I really do hope that one day I can move in the gifts of the Holy Spirit so powerfully too, so much so that people I minister to can have their lives changed and love God even more. I mean, it's such a joy to see people's lives touched when you begin to exercise the gifts of the Holy Spirit. As much as i love to be ministered to, I want to minister others as well and be a blessing to them, just like how someone else had blessed me.

Darren is really a great BS teacher. Though practicals are scary, but they are really helpful to allow us to get to exercise these gifts, and he also teaches us how these gifts will be very important when we become leaders. I've never absorbed that much from a bible study before seriously. I pray that God heals his fingers soon.

Whee, I'm enjoying these few days of spiritual journey and I've never experienced God this real in my life before(perhaps last time I never took time to notice). The end shall be better than it's beginning, I'm excited( it's alrd that good when it's only day 4. think about day 21. WOW). All the fasting and praying will pay off eventually, I want to know God more, walk closer with Him, and be used by Him in a greater way than ever before, always being kingdom-minded and kingdom-motivated.

I love You.

Stephiephoe.

the ultimate evilness

omgosh, i think the internet is evil. When I stay at home and have free time to be on the computer, the internet has to bombard me with so many things. Last night, I spent the time helping john to find online sprees for men while I was looking for pretty clothes. Today, I spent the day looking for cameras! Gosh, I think I need to fast from electronics soon. ABSTAIN!

I want this, fisheye camera! The effect is really cool. like this.

Or, i totally wouldn't mind owning a holga. Which I can purchase the fisheye lens afterward.

The disadvantage of these cameras it's that they run on FILM. and I deduce that after spending a hundred bucks on the camera itself. it'd cost me a bomb to develop the photos. gee, I think I should start considering buying an SLR instead, at least it's digital. SNORT.

I bought eyemasks online. It's DARN cheap. Like 60 cents each! Uber cool, and the eyemasks were recommended on some taiwan show before. Wahahaha.

Going for ministry later!

Stephiephoe.

cameras!

oh gosh, japanese are real cool.

http://www.superheadz.com/headzshop/camera/

they have all the gorgeous cameras! urgh, i wish i understood japanese. I ordered my 4 lens lomo alrd. Hurray! teehee. i can't wait!

this is really cool too.

stephiephoe.

faith

western wall, jerusalem

He said to them, Because of the littleness of your faith [that is, your lack of firmly relying trust]. For truly I say to you, if you have faith [that is living] like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.
Matthew 17:20-21(Amp)

Faith is such a important part of this Christian faith. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. Believing is a lighter burden than doubting. (:

I'm sitting at my desk blogging now. I studied a little earlier on and did my assignment. Haha, i'm still contemplating if i should go for the dinner thingy with the drama mamas later. I need money, cannot be such a spendthrift. LOLx.

I think it's so cool that kexin can share with me her experiences in SOT, I come to know God even more through her spiritual encounters with God and it births within me a desire to experience it for myself. I want to be in SOT.

stephiephoe.

21 days of prayer and fasting

21 days of encounters, 21 opportunities to know Him more, 21 days of sacrifice, 21 days of adventure.

Boy, I am excited.

Stephiephoe.