心血来潮

可笑吧？
不知多久没有写华语的我似乎开始想念自己的母语。
就有如英语无法完整地表达韩语的意思，有些话用中文可能可以说得更清楚吧。
下雨天。
我哪儿都没去。
坐在家里尝试把那些堆积如山的作业赶完。
也许我需要些清新的空气。
昨天遇见你，可你却把我当成透明的，装作根本没有见到我。
心有点疼。
天作孽 、不可谓，自作孽 、不可活。
真是活该。
多希望人生能够重来。
我造的孽还真多。
雨停了。
和伤心暂别。
就写到这里吧。

Elison.

对不起朋友。

怎么我老这样，好像处处都在得罪人，处处都在对不起人。

不论我是有心还是无意的，对他们来说，这伤害是无法弥补的。

我也只能对你们说对不起。

可能就算赔上我这条命也还是没法获得你们的原谅。

是开始有点恨自己。

경수他走了。幸好在机场时我没哭。虽然心里是有点难过。 也许两年，也许六年， 朋友到时再见了。

挺可怜的，生命中的人来来去去， 到底谁才是真正的朋友？

对不起，我不是一个好朋友。

Elison.

COOKIES

Nothing is better than infinite happiness.

A cookie is better than nothing.

Therefore a cookie is better than infinite happiness!

Haha, i'm not spastic. This is what Professor Leong said during GEK 1005. And it is a totally logical statement. I promised my classmates that I'd blog about this. So here it is!ㅋㅋㅋ...

I want to watch so many movies...Need to find companions to watch! and of course, I need to find the time to do so. =.=

KEVIN SKINNER!~

Elison.

비가 왔어. 난 슬퍼요.

The perfect weather and timing to sit before the computer to blog while having a cup of hot coffee at hand. :) I just love rainy days. Allows me to contemplate over life you see.

One more week and Kyungsoo is going back to Korea, probably for good. Seriously, I'll miss him. Although we only met like June, he's been so much of a help to me, teaching me Korean language and the culture. Although he is always late cause he oversleeps, he's really a great friend. My first Korean friend in Singapore. Within a period of less than 3 months, my first Korean friend and teacher is leaving. It's sad I guess. I won't have a Korean friend to read Korean books to me and go through my texts anymore. And he'll be going into the army soon. Like Seungho. But it's not that bad. With technology, I guess we still can keep in touch via email and so on. But yes, I will miss him. Goodbye my friend. I hope to see you in Korea. I promise the next time I meet you, 2 years later, I'll speak in perfect Korean. 약속해...

I guess it's a spiritual fight. Yesterday Barry shared about temptations and today Pastor Kong shared with us about Goliath and the 5 stones we need to pick up. This few weeks has been really tough on me, cause many things have happened. But each time I feel like I don't want to do it anymore, it's through the encounters with God that I find new strength to carry on, healing of my heart, and encouragement by the Holy Spirit. It's about doing things even when you feel least like doing it. And everytime I do that, God is so faithful, it melts my heart. Thank God for God. Because without God, I could just die from a broken heart.

I'm not a perfect person. And I'm sorry for my imperfectness that may have hurt anyone. But no one is perfect. 这世上也没有所谓的“谁对不起谁”。We all fall, we all make mistakes. Sorry is all I can say. Pastor Kong said sometimes saying sorry once is not enough. Should I kneel before you and beg for forgiveness? If that is what it takes, I'd do it. But now when I've decided to move on? Maybe it's just good for it to end all here. I still keep you, in this corner of my heart, and in my wallet.

If time is all that you need...

Life is never easy, relationships are never easy. We live a lifetime to learn how to live with people. Because no one is able to understand us perfectly, or suit us perfectly.

Why are people often choosing the same route? And they seem to like to do it at the same time. I felt like everything was just my fault. All I could hear was Satan. Mocking at me. Demeaning me. Arrows shot at my heart. Bleeding. Pain. All my fault. It's all my fault.

But that is illogical. I don't live your lives or choose your emotions. You do. You make decisions over your own lives. Why then is it my fault? Why?

I hate my imperfectness. And through life, more imperfectness surfaces. And the more I hate this part of me. How can you guys expect me to be perfect when no one is? I'm not God. Yet I want with God in likeness. Let me grow to, hopefully, attain that perfection someday.

忘れないで - Tohoshinki/ 東方神起
I can feel your presence on the path we always walk on
Quietly closing my eyes wishing
that this feeling will never go away

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
I want to fly to the world you're in
I want to see you, I want to see you
I will always wait for you
Because I just can't forget you

The night that I felt you
was already broken
The sweet drifting memories become stronger, Baby
I never want this to end
and hold your hand tighter
I can't leave you

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
and fly to the world you're in
because I want to see you, I want to see you
I'll be waiting for you
I'll be waiting for you

Because I just can't forget you
I'll always be here, I won't forget you

Elison.

as spastic as ever

My love for mac and photo booth. I was mugging with the girls yesterday when we all got high after drinking hot mocha/chocolate and acted spastic. ^^ I had so much fun although we were doing some serious studying.

I hate this bad habit of mine, stuffing myself whenever I am unhappy. Thank God I am not unhappy often. But still...sigh...왜?

elison.

rawr.

Yes, my apologies for the lack of updates. No, school hasn't been that busy, just that I've been busy hanging out with the class and there wasn't much to blog about so yea... ><

Like the picture? Yesterday for dinner we went to the Korean restaurant at Bukit Timah. The boss is a Korean man, but the workers are from Vietnam. RAWR, man was I disappointed. But nonetheless....The jjajangmyun tasted differently from the one ruiliang and I had at Manna. I resolved that it may be from a different part of Korea. ><

I spent my sunday chewing on marketing. It was rather interesting, but apparently textbook writers love repeating themselves. =.= I should have like bought the rest of my textbooks like last week, then perhaps I could have engaged in more constructive activities this weekend. RAWR.

I don't know why things are going this way. Is there something that I have done wrongly and thus affected the outcome? But just like how I tell Luanxiang, God's ways are higher than ours. Only He knows the future and what is ahead. If avoidance is what you are trying, don't. It always starts with people getting too busy for others. Then they gradually slip away. No matter how, regardless how...draw closer to us, to God. Perhaps you feel that we won't understand, but no, we do. We care. We do. We miss the times we hang out with each other so often. Don't let busy-ness rob you away from us. Please. Please. Stay connected.

Life is never easy. But I won't complain. Many things are happening, but I still hope for the best. With God, all things are possible...

Elison.

complicated.

This week hasn't been the easiest week for me I should say. Monday to Thursday were spent at camp, Friday at cell group, Saturday at Rag and service. Thank God for Sundays.

O-week has been pretty okay I suppose. Just tiring, that's all. Cause I didn't manage to get enough sleep for that few days. The games weren't all that interesting. I guess I had most fun when I was just hanging out with the OG. This alum group seems like a good place to begin my tertiary education. School's going to officially begin on Tuesday. I'm having mixed feelings. Nonetheless still excited cause the long holiday is finally going to be over. *amoeba makes me crazy!~*

Thank you James for accompanying me to Peninsula to get the guitar stuffs on Friday.

I got a confirmation on Friday. Since then, there are many thoughts running through my mind. For the past 2 days, I talked to many people- James, Yunrui, Barry, Meitong. I needed to talk about my feelings. I needed to express how hurt I am feeling. I needed to express all my disappointments. I'm so sorry, so sorry that it happened. I thought about how I could have been a better friend, that if I had done something and not acted according to my own emotions, perhaps the ending to the story could have been different. I kept hearing the ifs. If only, if I had, if it wasn't for...it's my fault, it's all my fault. My mind felt like exploding. I wanted to give up too. I heard Satan asking me to throw in the towel as well, since everything is getting really difficult and tacky.

Yesterday at service, I cried so hard. The tangible presence of God, the healing power of God that touched my heart, the warmth of the Spirit...I know God will take this pain away. All I need to do now is to move on, let go and let God. I don't know what to do now that things have ended up this way. I just keep crying. Is there an action plan I can carry out? I need something from God.

If you are reading this: I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. All these years, despite all the conflicts we may have, to me, you are important. Maybe you think it's all too late to say this now. But this is what I really feel in my heart. You're not just someone in the cg. You are a friend. To me, you were someone I looked up to spiritually, a discipler. I'm sorry if you felt I never met up to your expectations as a friend. I think in my lifetime, I've failed so many times as a friend, I never expected that I failed as one to you as well. I'm sorry. If you would, please forgive me. No matter what choices you may make, I'll respect you. But all I ask, is for this friendship. For this friendship to be reconciled. Because you never knew how much you meant to me. I love you my friend, and I'm sorry.

I will render praises to You.

For my soul trusts in You;

And in the shadow of Your Wings I will make my refuge.

For You have delivered my soul from death.

Have You not kept my feet from falling,

That I may walk before God

In the light of the living?

Elison.

남의 속도 모르고

사랑했던 사람을 또 다시 나는 안보게

사랑했던 사람을 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

기억으로도 추억으로도 모두 지우게

그래야 내가 살 수 있을 것 같아

이별했던 사람과 또 다시 나는 안보게

이별했던 사람과 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

우연이라도 스치더라도 알지 못하게

제발 마주치지 않길

속도 모르고 남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 내 맘도 그댄 모르고 원망하지마

사랑하면서 보내려는 내 맘도

바보같이 모르고 아파하지마

남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 사람과 또 다시 나는 안보게

사랑하는사람과 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

우연이라도 스치더라도 알지 못하게

제발 마주치지 않길

속도 모르고 남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 내 맘도 그댄 모르고 원망하지마

사랑하면서 보내려는 내 맘도

바보같이 모르고 아파하지마

남의 속도 모르고

자꾸 울지마 남의 속도 모르고

모질게 말하지마 내 맘 무너져 흘러내려와

잡고 싶어도 다시 잡고 싶어도

아무말 조차도 못하는 내 가슴은 또 찢어지니까

행복하라고 너는 행복하라고

그래서 보내니까 너 하나만은 행복하라고 제발

I will never see the person I loved again,
I will never see the person I loved ever again.
So I can erase everything from memories,
So I can live.

I will never see the person I said good-bye to again,
I will never see the person I said good-bye to ever again.
So I won’t recognize even if we pass by chance,
So we will never cross.

Not knowing my heart, not knowing my heart.
Don’t hate me not knowing I love you.
Don’t foolishly feel hurt not knowing I’m trying to let you go while I still love you.
Not knowing my heart.

I will never see the person I loved again,
I will never see the person I loved ever again.
So I won’t recognize even if we pass by chance,
So we will never cross.

Not knowing my heart, not knowing my heart.
Don’t hate me not knowing I love you.
Don’t foolishly feel hurt not knowing I’m trying to let you go while I still love you.
Not knowing my heart.

Don’t cry not knowing my heart.
Don’t speak in hate. My heart collapses and drains.
I want to hold on to you, I want you hold on to you again,
but my heart that cannot say anything rips apart again.
Be happy, you have to be happy.
Thats why I am letting you go.
So please be happy.

엘리슨.