put me to sleep

At this hour, I know I should be in bed already. But I can't get to sleep with those thoughts on my mind. I tossed around in bed for a while and finally decided to get up and switch on my macbook again to blog. 

I guess it's hard. But that's just my primary love language. When it's not met, no matter what you do, it doesn't make me feel that you love or care for me.

What are friends? What is friendship? Everything seems blurred. Badly defined? You are best friends with someone because you chose to be close to that person. Sad to say, sometimes, such love is not mutual, and is left unreciprocated. It's just foolish thinking on my part. It's just me and my wishful thinking to perceive that we have a strong friendship. I had to take so long to see things clearly. I feel like i'm used and abused. I'm willing to meet your needs. But hey, I have my own too.

If we are best friends, why don't we meet?

If we are best friends, why do you only know what I think or feel through my blog?

If we are best friends, why is it that my latest calls or messages have nothing to do with you?

Take this, it's reality. we aren't.

I don't know about your lives, cause maybe to you I'm not that important. You don't know about mine either, cause I'm tired of taking the initiative to type smses.

I hate it when my life encircles around this. It's always in a circle. Some point later I'll be back to this again. God, since you can give me salvation, please, give me strong friendships that are built to last. I'm sick and tired of getting back to this issue again.

Like what meitong said, friendships in lives have phases. Maybe I should just be taking it as it comes. What's there to be upset about? You guys just stayed slightly longer than others. That's something maybe I should be grateful for. Because I don't know how to love.

So for now, 잘 가.

Elison.