pre-departure reality check

photo credit http://kwikiblog.blogspot.com/

Today is exactly 14 days before I leave Singapore. The excitement to go over to Korea seems to be slowly dying away and my reluctance to leave is slowly taking over. Talking to my besties about the things we can't do when I'm not around isn't helping me to soothe away these emotions. There are time I feel bad, leaving everything and everyone I love behind. It makes me feel selfish, as if I'm only concerned about myself and not about the people around me.

But then again, sometimes being accommodating to others means sacrificing something yourself. And I can't accommodate on this one thing. I need to go to Korea. To pursue that excellence in my craft, to be so fluent and natural in my Korean, to experience an independence lifestyle, to go out and see the world. I've held this so close to my heart. At the age of 21, I've never really stood up for much things in my life, except my salvation and my baptism. Going on exchange is the third thing I suppose. I've never been overseas (except malaysia that is literally over-the-sea) and I need that global perspective for my own degree. I don't want to go through university like a typical NUS student, just study for 4 years and graduate. I want to be different. I want to be marketable.

Wait for me till I return. I believe God has great things in store for me when i'm there, and even greater things in store when I come back. I can only trust in the Lord as I physically leave my home church and family. Trust.

I'll leave my goodbye messages till a later date. But for now.

안녕.

phie.

Christmas at the Hero of Faith Academy

Merry belated Christmas everyone!

This production marks my 3rd Christmas production spent with Drama Ministry. This Christmas is the first time in a long while that really made me feel christmasy. I don't usually buy Christmas presents, but this Christmas I made an exception. Even when it burned a really big hole in my pocket, I got gifts to the best of my ability for my close ones. It is fun because when we put our hearts and thoughts to buy someone a gift and they do the same too, it's heartwarming and rewarding. Thanks everyone for all the Christmas cards and gifts... I feel so loved, so loved.

Anyway, the past week has indeed been tiring though. Not getting enough sleep, having an outbreak... It's been making me really down. But thank God that things would always come to an end. Because there's no work today, I can rest my cold a little bit more, and reset my body clock before heading back to office tomorrow. I managed to spend even more time with my drama peeps... chilling out together, shopping, just enjoying each others' company although we were all really tired. Sometimes I even talked without making sense. But it's these mistakes that you make and laugh together over that draws you closer to one another eh? haha.

January is coming. I'm excited. Muahaha, though I'm not going to have a party like other 21 year old kids, I know my 21st would be just as special, spending time with all the lovely people in my life. :D It would be a BLAST. teehee.

phie.

it's coming.

Photo credit naver.com

I received a message from Bingrong last night, reminding me that its less than 2 months to my 21st birthday. Thanks so much for reminding me. =.= Haha. Sometimes I hate being born at the start of the year, because it clashes with the new school term, people keep saying I'm old, and i don't get presents. But there are times when I really like being born at the start of the year. Cause as i approach the new year, I also approach a new age. It kind of helps to set my direction right as I turn another year older, with regards to what have I achieved throughout the year, and what I want to achieve in the coming one.

This birthday, I will turn 21. I will become an adult. 2011. I will go to Korea. Take a plane for the first time. Live without my parents for the first time. 2011. We will move to Suntec. I will miss the first stage for Drama Ministry. I will miss my cell group. I will miss my bffs' birthdays. There are many things to give up for the dream I'm pursuing. This is adulthood maybe?

So many people have said that I am a baby. And they always say that they can expect what I'm going to say and stuff. But is that true? How sure are you that that joking, laughing, noisy Steph is the real her? Haha. It's funny. I'm blessed naturally with great interpersonal skills. I just know how to make people laugh, even when they laugh at me, its okay. cause my objective is to make people happy. But apart from that persona, apart from liking kpop, apart from all that, there is a real me that perhaps not many people know of.

21 is coming. Time to grow up! Recent example of a 21-year-old irks me. =.=

Stephie.

22.10.2010

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging in such a long while. There's been so much work to do. I'm going crazy.

I'm taking some time to pen things here, but things are accumulating. I have no idea why all lecturers like week 12 so much! I have this huge amount of things due on week 12, but I have a test next week/week11! And the internship I'm trying to apply for closes this Sunday. I hope I make it in time to write then send my cover letter. With so many things at hand, I don't know how it may be possible to do it, God will pull me through. I may be unable, but my God is able.

I haven't gone for tuition this week because of the crazy workload. I'm missing Hyunjun! :) Yay, cause I will see him today. Even though he throws tantrums at me sometimes, makes me boil like crazy at others, but he's still that adorable kid. I guess I don't blame him cause he's just 10. Haha, "bery good".

Okay, gotta go and bathe the dog. I think when I go to Korea, no one would bathe him. Zzzz. He's not even my dog per se. =.=

I've got to keep some emotions in check, lest they run out of hand.

Stephie.

bedtime

I should be turning in now but I really felt like I needed to write something here before I go to bed. I can't possibly turn in with all the thoughts and emotions going through me.

说话的时候，必须顾虑到别人的感受。就算是再要好的朋友，也会有不能说的话。而有些话，更不能公开地在别人面前说。 因为就算是开个玩笑，也会让人下不了台。I guess this is when "renewing your mind" comes in- letting go of this bad emotions and meditating on the Word.

该停止了，不能这样继续。收拾一下就得走了。似有似无, 也许这就是人心的恐怖，永远都猜不透。不该想， 不该， 不能， 不可以。

Stephie.

Coffee

It's 2am. I just finished reading through the letter for group meeting tomorrow. Attempted to work through the focus group transcript but got really frustrated trying to do so cause my ear is blocked on the left due to the cold. =.= I totally can't make out what the caucasian girl was saying in the entire discussion! So I gave up, shall do that tomorrow.

Just thought I'd just want to take a minute or two to write a little something here. I feel like drinking starbucks. HAHA.

There are tests this week. I really hope I'd be able to do well. Kind of worried cause it's finance. Urgh. Kill me. And there are still so many things apart from mugging to be done! I wish I have 48hours a day instead. Sigh.

Tomorrow will be a long day...

Stephie.

Jun

Yesterday I went with Jwenda to meet HyunJun. Ah, he's so cuteeeeeee~ I want to bring him home. Our very handsome tutee who is all alone here in Singapore. I really empathise with him a lot. My maternal instinct seems to be kicking in way too early. :S He's so shy! And his korean accent when he says "bery yummy" when he meant "very yummy" is just way too cute. I can remember his shocked face when I understood his Korean and his mutterings-to-self that I'm good with my Korean. Ah, too cute, i'm falling off my chair.

I asked him if I could stay with him, he said okay!ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ 진짜 귀여워요~

화영오빠...

ㅋㅋㅋ 미안해요.

난 깜박 잊어버렸어요...

한국어 공부하는 것을 많이 도와 줘서 너무 감사드리구요.

ㅋㅋㅋ내년 한국에 갈 때 잘 부탁해요!

ㅎ 술을 제외하고 많이 도와 주세요!

Enjoy your exchange here!~

love,

phie.