not until today

Having gone through SOTM, and being a Christian for 4 years, I guess I never really understood what brokenness meant, not until today.

So much grieving, so much tears.

"Before the Lord quickens a scripture to an individual, the Lord has many things to do. The Lord wants to cleanse your life and make you surrendered to Him."

It hurts, more than anything else, it hurts. But godly sorrow changes.

"As the Lord deals with you, take time to wait upon Him; confessing your sins, and surrendering your life to Him. When these conditions are met, then the power of God comes....When God deals with you, He always deals with you through the healing of your soul."

Take me apart piece by piece.

elison.

to desolation.

It's not Us. It's Them. It's the System. It's Pop Music. It's Violence on TV. It's George Bush. It's Lee Kuan Yew. It's all these Homophobic people. It's all these Homosexuals. It's all this Porn on the Internet. It's because People don't read anymore. It's because They Don't Understand Us. Whatever it is. it's never about ourselves first and foremost. Therein lies our problem. It should always be about Us and Our choices.
-Broader Perspective, Issue 4

Think, steph think. Harder. Pray, more. not enough, not enough.

Sometimes it seems so hard to go through moulding. There's breaking. There's praying. There's decision making. There's changing. We can't embrace tomorrow if we refuse change.

No matter how hard. I must...i must..

elison.

then again

I was just about to go and pray when this song came to my mind.

Jesus
Jesus
Holy and anointed One
Jesus
Your Name is like honey on my lips
Your Spirit like water to my soul
Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
Jesus I love You
I love You

Hmm, a wonderful name. A name that brought me through the darkest days of my life. Then again, it's not just a name. <3

I was talking to gracie the other day, and I thought about how I used to be much closer to some ppl, but now things have changed. Sad, maybe, but He's the same always. I wish we all don't change, but if we don't, life would become a constant. RAHH, the paradox of life.

elison.

those were the days...

<3 prelims. HAHA.

I was flipping through The New Paper when I came across the report on how self mutilation among youths is on the rise. The report included the testimony of this girl who would cut herself due to the stress of school, family and relationship. It reminded me of how I used to be like her. In depression, I would slit my wrist and cut myself on my arm, whenever I feel sad or lonely. I remember how I'd be crying while quickly and swiftly making multiple cuts on my arm. It'd bleed and hurt, but the pain is sufficient to temporary numb what I feel inside. And when the pain of the wound wears off and that of the heart overwhelms, the process begins all over again. At that point of time, when I'm fully conscious, I would wonder why I even do it, and the swollen cuts look utterly unsightly.

What a solution. Thank God for Him who saved me from all these unnecessary pain of slitting and crying. Thinking about the past, I feel foolish, for even taking that route. Physical pain can only numb the emotional pain, but not take it away. And more often than not, it makes things worse than before. It's great to be out of depression, I don't know who I'd be if I hadn't met God. WOW. Timing.

To whoever who may want to embark on self mutilation as a solution: it is stupid, don't begin. To solve a problem, you need to get to the root of it.

5 days without school! More mugging. A month to the big day. Gonna meet blossom tml! LOVES!

elison.

the way you are

I went out for dinner with lovely last night, we shopped around and updated each other about our lives and ministry. We had dinner at this very very KAWAII restaurant at Far East called kitchen mogu mogu. I bet many of us have walked by this restaurant but have never been there. Actually the food prices are rather reasonable and their food is 10 times better than yoshinoya and kobayashi. At least the chawamushi doesn't stink like that from sakae, and the miso soup is not made from instant powder. A plus for that?

Rahhh, I'm early today. we just love thursdays and fridays. time really FLIES.

LOVELY <3

elison.

HELP

*GASPING FOR OXYGEN!*

I see myself as someone who is rather eloquent, often being able to talk my way through. But sometimes, my face just gives me away. I wish I'm a Flavor Savr Tomato, so I won't "ripen" or blush so readily in situations. Laughing makes me blush, being shy makes me laugh. I wish my emotions aren't so openly written on my face, so that it doesn't place me in a more embarrassing position.

It's been 4 years since I last saw you. I thought I'd never meet you again, at least not anytime soon, considering that for the past 1 and 3/4 years of traveling on 67 hadn't allowed me to do so. But today...

Elison.

sleepyhead

Froggy pouch! Just bought it today, using it to store my makeup stuff. Cute eh? It cost me a friggin' 19 bucks. *burns* It will ALWAYS remind me of Jieying. HAHA

I'm so tired. I want to go to bed already, My eyelids can barely open. RAWR, all thanks to school and late nights from studying.

NUS FACULTY OF LAW/ YONG LOO LIN SCHOOL OF MEDICINE. Just you wait!

CAMBRIDGE! give me my As! I demand.

No looking back, only forward, and unto God. CHIONG LAH!

NJC chemistry department was totally out of their minds making us come to school for MCQ test at 720 in the morning when it's THURSDAY. Waking up early can kill. We ought to find some statistics or research to substantiate that. So as to proof that our point isn't the least fallacious.

Sijia, Jie and I went out today on a present hunt. My wallet has this rather BIG hole now, cause I've burned my POSB card. Haha, MONDAY = MONey + DAY. Haha, I was amusing myself, Jie and Sijia the whole of today. Tiredness runs adrenaline in me. YAWN! Oh yea, and jieying's weird idea of buying pearls from the Bubble Tea Stall uncle but not the drink made Sijia, Jas and I laugh like CRAZY. Haha, she's weird, but i love her nonetheless.

MORE MUGGING AHEAD. I think you can read from this post that I'm in a GREAT mood and am very excited. HAHA, i don't know why either. :) It must be after the phonecall with Meitong. AHHH, and Charles and Keith is having SALES. I NEED heels, okay not exactly, given my height. RAWR, but still...Shoes and bags are things that girls will never say "enough".

I'm so happy, meeting joash for lunch tml, and lovely for breakfast on sat. :)

I'm getting into the korean craze. DBSK rocks and Shinhwa rules.

OH YES, and I think Huang Qiming from the 7pm show on Channel 8 is handsome. LOL, he's the one acting as Apple Hong's husband, Zhuang Jiawei.

RANDOM.

annyong- hi kye seyo
elison.