3 weeks before I go home...

I love the fried rice thingy that comes at the end of each meal. SLURPS. I'm gonna miss it a lot when I go back to Sg. :(

This week went by pretty okay. Baby only went back to came on like Tuesday, and managed to get leave for Thursday and Friday, making it easier for me this first week on my own. I hanged out with Pang for dinner, and met Jasmine and Celia as well. :D I guess I'm quite okay! :D

Time really flies... 3 more weeks! Praying that this week would turn out well too! :D

phie.

typhoon no more?

Its pouring crazily outside and there's just gingy and me in the house. I haven't updated this blog very often even though I thought I would while I was overseas, guess there wasn't much need for an outlet to express my emotions especially when I could always turn around and talk to shir baby if there was anything. But now that shir baby has gone back home, I guess I might update this space more than usual.

Actually was kinda sad when shir left. I thank God for this great roomie and companion. The last 4.5 months in Korea had been made much easier because she was with me. Sometimes we clash, but we both learn how to handle conflicts better through this exchange. Maybe I'm just afraid to see how friendships might eventually change by the time we hit back to NUS. Maybe I haven't learned independence enough. Afterall shir was almost with me all the time. I didn't even needed to listen to my ipod the past 4.5 months. Now that she's gone back home, its time for me to take care of myself and grow up! I know many people are worried about me now, like mum, like shir, and her parents. But I guess I will be fine yea. Since my life in Sg was pretty much the same. This month, I will learn not to hate eating out alone, that should be the biggest issue. HAHA.

The first two days when shirlyn was gone, it was quite hard to handle. I kinda got used to always having someone else in my room. I got used to having a companion with me almost everywhere I went, including nightwalks and runs. I got used to lying in our beds and chatting till we are so tired we fall asleep. The first night I almost couldn't sleep. Baby's calls didn't help to make me feel better. i just laid in bed and wept till I dozed off. Day 2 morning, I woke up feeling so drained and depressed. At that point, I really felt like going back home, to where my family and my friends are. I'm so glad 오빠 came over and it really helped a lot. I actually went out for dinner myself! He made me realised that I can have control over my own emotions. So I went out for a 3h plus night walk myself, and enjoyed the solitude I never really had for the past few months. Day 3? I woke up feeling great, except for the part about muscle aches. HEHE

So I guess I'm doing pretty well up to now. School will start tomorrow again and I will meet new people and make new friends. I can cause I talk too much. HAHAHA.

The real adventure only begins NOW.

Stephie.

봄이다~

It's spring. Ah, I haven't been updating my blog as much as I want to, but that's fine cause i've been updating facebook right? Hah, anyway, time really flies! It's already been about 2 and half months since I have left home for Korea...And I guess I've been settling in quite well so far. Spring's been good thus far, still layering, but it's fine with me. However the daily range in temperature is kinda huge, so the tough and difficult part comes when deciding on what to wear.

Watching The Centurion on webcast feels really different...Watching all the familiar faces and voices off the computer makes me miss church a lot. Miss drama ministry... miss sacrificing with everyone... miss having fun at rehearsals, going through all the late nights, waking up at wee hours in the morning to be punctual for call time. :( Missing the newbies, missing my leaders, and of course missing my best friends! But I should enjoy Korea as much as I can for now. Don't want to go back to NUS and bury myself in the hectic schoolwork. sigh....

Stephie.

first post in kimchi land.

Today is a rainy winter day. I slept really little last night so forgive me for this ugly picture. On a rainy winter day, I'm enjoying some me-time eating hot ramyeon in my room. :D love it.

Its been almost 2 weeks since we've arrived in Korea. 2 weeks here seems really long for me too. In the short 2 weeks, Shir and I have been to so many places, met so many people. But then you realise that Seoul isn't really that different from Singapore. Well there are things I really enjoy though, like taking a stroll in the park, walking around a lot on the streets with my friends, climbing up or down a mountain, just enjoying one another's company is enough. Come to think of that, I've never really done that in Singapore? Maybe we don't have enough parks. Haha, but I guess that's what I really enjoy about Korea as of now, the nature - waters, trees, rocks.

I'm still feeling sore about the fact that I have not seen snow. :( after all the excitement, I never got to see snow. =.= As the weather turns cold again this coming week, I really hope there would be some snow. SOME will do. I just need to see it. TT

I think I'm the silliest thing ever. Yesterday I went out without my wallet. And I travelled 1h 30min without realising I didn't have my wallet with me! I was so far from home and it was impossible to return home to get it anymore. So silly. The funnier thing was the same thing happened to my new buddy the day before. Aye, I think we are destined.

love,

phie

pre-departure reality check

photo credit http://kwikiblog.blogspot.com/

Today is exactly 14 days before I leave Singapore. The excitement to go over to Korea seems to be slowly dying away and my reluctance to leave is slowly taking over. Talking to my besties about the things we can't do when I'm not around isn't helping me to soothe away these emotions. There are time I feel bad, leaving everything and everyone I love behind. It makes me feel selfish, as if I'm only concerned about myself and not about the people around me.

But then again, sometimes being accommodating to others means sacrificing something yourself. And I can't accommodate on this one thing. I need to go to Korea. To pursue that excellence in my craft, to be so fluent and natural in my Korean, to experience an independence lifestyle, to go out and see the world. I've held this so close to my heart. At the age of 21, I've never really stood up for much things in my life, except my salvation and my baptism. Going on exchange is the third thing I suppose. I've never been overseas (except malaysia that is literally over-the-sea) and I need that global perspective for my own degree. I don't want to go through university like a typical NUS student, just study for 4 years and graduate. I want to be different. I want to be marketable.

Wait for me till I return. I believe God has great things in store for me when i'm there, and even greater things in store when I come back. I can only trust in the Lord as I physically leave my home church and family. Trust.

I'll leave my goodbye messages till a later date. But for now.

안녕.

phie.

Christmas at the Hero of Faith Academy

Merry belated Christmas everyone!

This production marks my 3rd Christmas production spent with Drama Ministry. This Christmas is the first time in a long while that really made me feel christmasy. I don't usually buy Christmas presents, but this Christmas I made an exception. Even when it burned a really big hole in my pocket, I got gifts to the best of my ability for my close ones. It is fun because when we put our hearts and thoughts to buy someone a gift and they do the same too, it's heartwarming and rewarding. Thanks everyone for all the Christmas cards and gifts... I feel so loved, so loved.

Anyway, the past week has indeed been tiring though. Not getting enough sleep, having an outbreak... It's been making me really down. But thank God that things would always come to an end. Because there's no work today, I can rest my cold a little bit more, and reset my body clock before heading back to office tomorrow. I managed to spend even more time with my drama peeps... chilling out together, shopping, just enjoying each others' company although we were all really tired. Sometimes I even talked without making sense. But it's these mistakes that you make and laugh together over that draws you closer to one another eh? haha.

January is coming. I'm excited. Muahaha, though I'm not going to have a party like other 21 year old kids, I know my 21st would be just as special, spending time with all the lovely people in my life. :D It would be a BLAST. teehee.

phie.

it's coming.

Photo credit naver.com

I received a message from Bingrong last night, reminding me that its less than 2 months to my 21st birthday. Thanks so much for reminding me. =.= Haha. Sometimes I hate being born at the start of the year, because it clashes with the new school term, people keep saying I'm old, and i don't get presents. But there are times when I really like being born at the start of the year. Cause as i approach the new year, I also approach a new age. It kind of helps to set my direction right as I turn another year older, with regards to what have I achieved throughout the year, and what I want to achieve in the coming one.

This birthday, I will turn 21. I will become an adult. 2011. I will go to Korea. Take a plane for the first time. Live without my parents for the first time. 2011. We will move to Suntec. I will miss the first stage for Drama Ministry. I will miss my cell group. I will miss my bffs' birthdays. There are many things to give up for the dream I'm pursuing. This is adulthood maybe?

So many people have said that I am a baby. And they always say that they can expect what I'm going to say and stuff. But is that true? How sure are you that that joking, laughing, noisy Steph is the real her? Haha. It's funny. I'm blessed naturally with great interpersonal skills. I just know how to make people laugh, even when they laugh at me, its okay. cause my objective is to make people happy. But apart from that persona, apart from liking kpop, apart from all that, there is a real me that perhaps not many people know of.

21 is coming. Time to grow up! Recent example of a 21-year-old irks me. =.=

Stephie.

22.10.2010

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging in such a long while. There's been so much work to do. I'm going crazy.

I'm taking some time to pen things here, but things are accumulating. I have no idea why all lecturers like week 12 so much! I have this huge amount of things due on week 12, but I have a test next week/week11! And the internship I'm trying to apply for closes this Sunday. I hope I make it in time to write then send my cover letter. With so many things at hand, I don't know how it may be possible to do it, God will pull me through. I may be unable, but my God is able.

I haven't gone for tuition this week because of the crazy workload. I'm missing Hyunjun! :) Yay, cause I will see him today. Even though he throws tantrums at me sometimes, makes me boil like crazy at others, but he's still that adorable kid. I guess I don't blame him cause he's just 10. Haha, "bery good".

Okay, gotta go and bathe the dog. I think when I go to Korea, no one would bathe him. Zzzz. He's not even my dog per se. =.=

I've got to keep some emotions in check, lest they run out of hand.

Stephie.

bedtime

I should be turning in now but I really felt like I needed to write something here before I go to bed. I can't possibly turn in with all the thoughts and emotions going through me.

说话的时候，必须顾虑到别人的感受。就算是再要好的朋友，也会有不能说的话。而有些话，更不能公开地在别人面前说。 因为就算是开个玩笑，也会让人下不了台。I guess this is when "renewing your mind" comes in- letting go of this bad emotions and meditating on the Word.

该停止了，不能这样继续。收拾一下就得走了。似有似无, 也许这就是人心的恐怖，永远都猜不透。不该想， 不该， 不能， 不可以。

Stephie.

Coffee

It's 2am. I just finished reading through the letter for group meeting tomorrow. Attempted to work through the focus group transcript but got really frustrated trying to do so cause my ear is blocked on the left due to the cold. =.= I totally can't make out what the caucasian girl was saying in the entire discussion! So I gave up, shall do that tomorrow.

Just thought I'd just want to take a minute or two to write a little something here. I feel like drinking starbucks. HAHA.

There are tests this week. I really hope I'd be able to do well. Kind of worried cause it's finance. Urgh. Kill me. And there are still so many things apart from mugging to be done! I wish I have 48hours a day instead. Sigh.

Tomorrow will be a long day...

Stephie.

Jun

Yesterday I went with Jwenda to meet HyunJun. Ah, he's so cuteeeeeee~ I want to bring him home. Our very handsome tutee who is all alone here in Singapore. I really empathise with him a lot. My maternal instinct seems to be kicking in way too early. :S He's so shy! And his korean accent when he says "bery yummy" when he meant "very yummy" is just way too cute. I can remember his shocked face when I understood his Korean and his mutterings-to-self that I'm good with my Korean. Ah, too cute, i'm falling off my chair.

I asked him if I could stay with him, he said okay!ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ 진짜 귀여워요~

화영오빠...

ㅋㅋㅋ 미안해요.

난 깜박 잊어버렸어요...

한국어 공부하는 것을 많이 도와 줘서 너무 감사드리구요.

ㅋㅋㅋ내년 한국에 갈 때 잘 부탁해요!

ㅎ 술을 제외하고 많이 도와 주세요!

Enjoy your exchange here!~

love,

phie.

the mornings.

Time passes really quickly. It is instructional week 4 already.

Every morning I wake up, counting down to the end of this semester, counting down to going to Seoul. Yet a part of me lingers over my homeland, over the people here- my family, my friends, and even my dog. Having to go away for so long is an exciting and scary thought all at the same time. Regardless of what I feel, I have to go. I have to get out of Singapore, out of my comfort zone, to see the world, improve my skills and to learn independence.

한국에 갈 때 너 꼭 만나야 해... ㅠ.ㅠ

만일 우리 못 만나면 어쩌겠소?

아이고...

Grandma is out of the hospital already. Thank God. The doctors still have not figured out what is wrong with her. It's like a House case happening in reality. =.= I really want her to stay healthy, praying that her fever won't come back.

This week has been pretty hectic. I had a presentation on Monday and I have to prepare for 2 other presentations and 1 other assignment for next week. Will be off to bathe and leave for project meeting in a while.

I'm excited to follow Jwenda언니 to meet the Korean kid later. Think about the struggles a 20 year old kid may have when living alone in a country, then think about this kid. He's here all alone. Only 10 years old, in pursuit of a good education, away from his parents and living with people who don't speak his native language. My heart really goes all out for him. I really hope I'd be able to help him, in one way or another, really.

This semester has been great so far. Even though work has been crazy and some people have been driving me crazy, I thank God for the people who keep me sane. Superdan, Zen Shawn, Qiqi, I'm thankful I get to meet you guys so often. It satisfies my 2009V cravings. Michell and Zishan! I miss you 2 the most. :( and Uncle Derrick! Our after school dinners at Lot One. Haha.

Hyunjae, Kwangwoo and Clement! I'm glad you guys liked the 잡채 I made! Can't wait for us to celebrate 추석together. Seriously, Hyunjae, you made this semester really interesting, and you're really the best buddy I've had so far, apart from 도도. I really hope you and Kwangwoo would enjoy this time in Singapore, and I can't wait to go over to KU. :D As for Clement, come and find us after you finish your semester in US! We must meet in Korea with 오빠들. 꼭~

Okay, gotta go now.

Love,

phie.

fade in fade out.

Picture credits photographyblogger.net

Life is like a vicious cycle, taking it's toll on me. While one event fades into the background, another fades out into the centre stage. It seems like it just never ends, does it?

Just in case some of you start to misunderstand, my life too is like a roller coaster ride. There are times when I cry thinking about certain things, but the next minute i'm all chirpy and butterflying around. It's not that I'm never sad, it's not that my life is good. I just think I should have a little more faith. just a teeny weeny bit more.

Like now, I just wish this would fade away for me.

Stephie.

월요일의 우울한 기분이 없는데요!

YAY, it's finally Monday again. I know how many people sincerely hate me saying this, but because it's the holidays, mondays are less tiresome when held in comparison with the weekends. And I like mondays cause it's my stayhome days these few months, it helps me to recuperate from the weekends. :)

Haha, yesterday had so much fun dancing and acting. LOL, and tim, i keep thinking about you mimicking lulu with the bounce bounce ball. LOL!

It's bidding time yet again. Seriously, i hate bidding for modules. And I really want to take macroecons this semester! Why am i not allocated this mod! Zzz, I don't know if I should specialise. MKT2401? 21 slots for A3, can I get it? :S Urgh, but thankfully, the modules in NUS and KU are very mappable, so i don't run into an issue of taking useless modules next semester when I go for exchange. I checked the modules for SNU and they weren't half as mappable, thank God for giving me KU and not SNU.

I guess I really need direction from God. Before praying, I got reminded of this song and ended up worshipping the Lord.

THERE IS A PLACE IN YOUR HEART

I AM LONGING TO FIND
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
THERE IS A PLACE I KNOW
I CAN RUN TO AND HIDE
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME YOUR HEART
SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME YOUR HEART

Very old song yes i guess. But it really expresses what I wanted to tell God. :) A man devises his plans, but God directs his path.

I've wanted to say this, and I shall say it here. Stop being childish and stop thinking that I've not moved on. You act like you've moved on, so can you please just do so? It's been so long. Which part of making me uncomfortable do you not understand? No, I don't think about the past, and neither do I want to do that. I'm happy where I am and I've never regretted since that day I chose to obey God. Look, I'm totally okay with being friends, but don't cross my boundaries cause it'd only make you sorry. Please show me that you've learned something for the past few years, or else I would just feel really sad for you. There's really more to life than just being in love or getting into relationships.

Stephie.

lately.

Hello everybody! My apologies, wanted to update this blog like eons ago, but couldn't find the kairos moment for it. You know, the right weather, the right mood, the right topic, the right words. I need that creative source of influence to blog. Haha, okay, I know, I'm just blabbering.

Hmm, so grandma was allowed to go home this week. Thankfully, it wasn't what the doctors suspected it to be. It was confirmed to be merely an infection yet they kept her at the hospital for a week, testing on her like she's some guinea pig. I'm really quite amazed that the hospital is that inefficient. With an ageing population ahead of us, I'm not quite sure if the hospitals are able to sustain then. :S

아, 정말 미안해요. 여러분 저는 많이 보고 싶지요? 블로그 쓰고 싶지만 좋은 시간이 없는 것 같아요. ㅋㅋㅋ 제가 좋은 날씨, 좋은 기분, 좋은 토픽, 좋은 말을 모두 다 있었으면 블로그 쓸 수 있어요. ㅋㅋㅋ 영감이 필요 해요. ㅋㅋㅋ그래, 나는 거짓말을 하고 있어요. ㅋㄷ

Stephie.

Falling.

FIND ME IN YOUR HOLINESS
LEAD ME IN YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS
HOW I LOVE YOU
BEAUTIFUL SAVIOR
WHEN I'M WEAK YOU MAKE ME STRONG
BEARING MY CROSS I CARRY ON
HOW I NEED YOU
HEAVENLY FATHER

SEARCH MY HEART O LORD
YOU KNOW MY EVERY THOUGHT
AN OPEN BOOK TO YOU
I PLACED MY ALL IN YOUR HANDS

FALLING AT YOUR FEET
AS MY WHOLE WORLD FADES AWAY
FALLING AT YOUR FEET
LET MY LIFE BE WHOLLY THINE
MY LIFE BE WHOLLY THINE
JESUS

EMMANUEL
EMMANUEL
ABBA FATHER, NEVER LET ME GO

Picture credits Phil Pringle.

Worshipping late into the night is enjoyable. Old songs are nice too. :)

Stephie.

lovely weather☁

I'm sitting on my bed at home - blogging. Finally enjoying some solitude after a hectic week. The weather is just fantastic, considering the rain earlier in the morning, its still cooling in the afternoon. I simply love the rain.

Yesterday's combined cell group meeting with n284 was absolutely fantastic! All of us had to prepare a 3 minute sermon on faith and preach it to the rest. It was great to hear everyone share about what they think faith is about. And I suppose like what Meitong said, our experiences in life shaped our beliefs of faith. When faith is shared, it inspires and stirs each one of us. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Hearing from everyone was great because now we know, there's a preacher in all of us! Haha. It's fun, I want to do it again. The satisfaction you get knowing that you've prepared a great word/offering message is just splendid. You're just waiting for God to move during the meeting. But beyond the fun, it's really how the God uses us to release His Word to touch the hearts of the people. I'm just happy to be used as a channel.

I've been thinking about a lot of things actually. But i'm not very sure if all that I am wondering about should be written here. Oh wells.

God is just amazing, isn't He? Because of all things, God gave us the freedom of choice. Hmm, sticky.

I'm craving for crepes. Gonna meet James for dinner! :D

Love,

Stephie.

hanging out.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm currently out at Scape macs with two cuties Karuna and Saunders. The kids are doing their work while i'm on my Mac. :)

Silly me forgot that my shoulders are sunburnt and i still brought my handbag out. =.= AH, i deserve it la.

Spent my last 2 days at Sentosa. Yesterday's Shrekotsa was really tiring but enjoyable. :) Came home after zone outing and had a wonderful steamboat dinner with my family. I WAS SO HUNGRY, not having enough food yesterday made me eat like a pig. :D I fell asleep at 12 yesterday, and woke up at 1130am today. So i didn't just eat like a pig I slept like a pig too! haha, sorry, had to make up for all the lost sleep you see.

I remembered the last time Barry asked me what drives me to want to be a cgl and I couldn't answer, now I think I somehow might have the answer to this question already. Youth, a precious time in life when they are most readily shaped and molded. I feel the budding passion for the youths lately. Maybe that is what drives me. Gotta pray and get that confirmed.

RAWR. me hungry again. :D waiting for 7pm to come and meet the rest of the peeps. HAHA. love DM.

너, 나쁜 남자야.

난 널 싫어해.

우리는 이년전에는 다 끝났어.

알 찮아?!

Stephie.

AC 2010

The phenomenal 5 days have finally ended. Wow, it's amazing. One of the most tiring 5 days ever, but the presence of God is just amazing. The drama team did stunning too! I'm so glad that I'm in such an awesome ministry, cheering one another in the the competitions, praying together before productions, sitting together for services, and of course! Acting on the same stage with one another. Love it ttm. Now that the conference has ended, its time to reflect on what have been taught, what has been learned, and the action plan ahead. :)

Due to the lack of sleep, despite sleeping for like 11h, i am still soooo tired. And there are still remnants of things to be done! tsk tsk!

Yes, i got my results today. Man, i would say it's DISAPPOINTING! sighhhh, when i'm done being sad, i need to work harddddddd... and pray that application to KU will succeed. rawr. I NEED to go to Korea, outta Singapore. yes.

And to my GORGEOUS BOSS!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thanks for making me who I am today, the opportunities you have given to me, the encouragement you gave, and most importantly, the love. Thank you for making Drama Ministry such an awesome place to serve God in! Thank you for loving me!I LOVE YOU BOSS! Gonna miss you and Sandy when you guys leave to study in US! :( Hope that this year will be the best year yet ever for you! Stay gorgeous ALWAYS Boss! :D

Okay, off to paint my nails then do those things that need to be done. HAH!

Stephie.

i just want to eat some pizza~

I came home, shut the door, fell on my knees. I took my guitar and started worshiping the Lord, weeping in His presence. I don't know how long I cried, how long I sang or how much I prayed. I was really tired, and I fell asleep in God's presence. It was like a Elijah-moment. And it felt good being nursed in the presence of God.

When I eventually woke up, good news came.

I can only say God is truly amazing. Who but Him knows the greatest desires of my heart? And there were many choices I could have made. But I'm glad I chose to seek the Holy Spirit instead and seek comfort in the Lord. I love You God. I really do.

As of now, I'm craving for some PIZZA~~~ LOL

Stephie.