내 이야기...

3 weeks before I go home...

2011-07-10T21:18:00.003+08:00

I love the fried rice thingy that comes at the end of each meal. SLURPS. I'm gonna miss it a lot when I go back to Sg. :(

This week went by pretty okay. Baby only went back to came on like Tuesday, and managed to get leave for Thursday and Friday, making it easier for me this first week on my own. I hanged out with Pang for dinner, and met Jasmine and Celia as well. :D I guess I'm quite okay! :D

Time really flies... 3 more weeks! Praying that this week would turn out well too! :D

phie.

typhoon no more?

2011-07-03T14:23:00.002+08:00

Its pouring crazily outside and there's just gingy and me in the house. I haven't updated this blog very often even though I thought I would while I was overseas, guess there wasn't much need for an outlet to express my emotions especially when I could always turn around and talk to shir baby if there was anything. But now that shir baby has gone back home, I guess I might update this space more than usual.

Actually was kinda sad when shir left. I thank God for this great roomie and companion. The last 4.5 months in Korea had been made much easier because she was with me. Sometimes we clash, but we both learn how to handle conflicts better through this exchange. Maybe I'm just afraid to see how friendships might eventually change by the time we hit back to NUS. Maybe I haven't learned independence enough. Afterall shir was almost with me all the time. I didn't even needed to listen to my ipod the past 4.5 months. Now that she's gone back home, its time for me to take care of myself and grow up! I know many people are worried about me now, like mum, like shir, and her parents. But I guess I will be fine yea. Since my life in Sg was pretty much the same. This month, I will learn not to hate eating out alone, that should be the biggest issue. HAHA.

The first two days when shirlyn was gone, it was quite hard to handle. I kinda got used to always having someone else in my room. I got used to having a companion with me almost everywhere I went, including nightwalks and runs. I got used to lying in our beds and chatting till we are so tired we fall asleep. The first night I almost couldn't sleep. Baby's calls didn't help to make me feel better. i just laid in bed and wept till I dozed off. Day 2 morning, I woke up feeling so drained and depressed. At that point, I really felt like going back home, to where my family and my friends are. I'm so glad 오빠 came over and it really helped a lot. I actually went out for dinner myself! He made me realised that I can have control over my own emotions. So I went out for a 3h plus night walk myself, and enjoyed the solitude I never really had for the past few months. Day 3? I woke up feeling great, except for the part about muscle aches. HEHE

So I guess I'm doing pretty well up to now. School will start tomorrow again and I will meet new people and make new friends. I can cause I talk too much. HAHAHA.

The real adventure only begins NOW.

Stephie.

봄이다~

2011-04-27T16:57:00.002+08:00

It's spring. Ah, I haven't been updating my blog as much as I want to, but that's fine cause i've been updating facebook right? Hah, anyway, time really flies! It's already been about 2 and half months since I have left home for Korea...And I guess I've been settling in quite well so far. Spring's been good thus far, still layering, but it's fine with me. However the daily range in temperature is kinda huge, so the tough and difficult part comes when deciding on what to wear.

Watching The Centurion on webcast feels really different...Watching all the familiar faces and voices off the computer makes me miss church a lot. Miss drama ministry... miss sacrificing with everyone... miss having fun at rehearsals, going through all the late nights, waking up at wee hours in the morning to be punctual for call time. :( Missing the newbies, missing my leaders, and of course missing my best friends! But I should enjoy Korea as much as I can for now. Don't want to go back to NUS and bury myself in the hectic schoolwork. sigh....

Stephie.

first post in kimchi land.

2011-02-27T12:14:00.002+08:00

Today is a rainy winter day. I slept really little last night so forgive me for this ugly picture. On a rainy winter day, I'm enjoying some me-time eating hot ramyeon in my room. :D love it.

Its been almost 2 weeks since we've arrived in Korea. 2 weeks here seems really long for me too. In the short 2 weeks, Shir and I have been to so many places, met so many people. But then you realise that Seoul isn't really that different from Singapore. Well there are things I really enjoy though, like taking a stroll in the park, walking around a lot on the streets with my friends, climbing up or down a mountain, just enjoying one another's company is enough. Come to think of that, I've never really done that in Singapore? Maybe we don't have enough parks. Haha, but I guess that's what I really enjoy about Korea as of now, the nature - waters, trees, rocks.

I'm still feeling sore about the fact that I have not seen snow. :( after all the excitement, I never got to see snow. =.= As the weather turns cold again this coming week, I really hope there would be some snow. SOME will do. I just need to see it. TT

I think I'm the silliest thing ever. Yesterday I went out without my wallet. And I travelled 1h 30min without realising I didn't have my wallet with me! I was so far from home and it was impossible to return home to get it anymore. So silly. The funnier thing was the same thing happened to my new buddy the day before. Aye, I think we are destined.

love,

phie

pre-departure reality check

2011-01-30T12:13:00.003+08:00

photo credit http://kwikiblog.blogspot.com/

Today is exactly 14 days before I leave Singapore. The excitement to go over to Korea seems to be slowly dying away and my reluctance to leave is slowly taking over. Talking to my besties about the things we can't do when I'm not around isn't helping me to soothe away these emotions. There are time I feel bad, leaving everything and everyone I love behind. It makes me feel selfish, as if I'm only concerned about myself and not about the people around me.

But then again, sometimes being accommodating to others means sacrificing something yourself. And I can't accommodate on this one thing. I need to go to Korea. To pursue that excellence in my craft, to be so fluent and natural in my Korean, to experience an independence lifestyle, to go out and see the world. I've held this so close to my heart. At the age of 21, I've never really stood up for much things in my life, except my salvation and my baptism. Going on exchange is the third thing I suppose. I've never been overseas (except malaysia that is literally over-the-sea) and I need that global perspective for my own degree. I don't want to go through university like a typical NUS student, just study for 4 years and graduate. I want to be different. I want to be marketable.

Wait for me till I return. I believe God has great things in store for me when i'm there, and even greater things in store when I come back. I can only trust in the Lord as I physically leave my home church and family. Trust.

I'll leave my goodbye messages till a later date. But for now.

안녕.

phie.

Christmas at the Hero of Faith Academy

2010-12-27T10:59:00.002+08:00

Merry belated Christmas everyone!

This production marks my 3rd Christmas production spent with Drama Ministry. This Christmas is the first time in a long while that really made me feel christmasy. I don't usually buy Christmas presents, but this Christmas I made an exception. Even when it burned a really big hole in my pocket, I got gifts to the best of my ability for my close ones. It is fun because when we put our hearts and thoughts to buy someone a gift and they do the same too, it's heartwarming and rewarding. Thanks everyone for all the Christmas cards and gifts... I feel so loved, so loved.

Anyway, the past week has indeed been tiring though. Not getting enough sleep, having an outbreak... It's been making me really down. But thank God that things would always come to an end. Because there's no work today, I can rest my cold a little bit more, and reset my body clock before heading back to office tomorrow. I managed to spend even more time with my drama peeps... chilling out together, shopping, just enjoying each others' company although we were all really tired. Sometimes I even talked without making sense. But it's these mistakes that you make and laugh together over that draws you closer to one another eh? haha.

January is coming. I'm excited. Muahaha, though I'm not going to have a party like other 21 year old kids, I know my 21st would be just as special, spending time with all the lovely people in my life. :D It would be a BLAST. teehee.

phie.

it's coming.

2010-11-12T13:43:00.003+08:00

Photo credit naver.com

I received a message from Bingrong last night, reminding me that its less than 2 months to my 21st birthday. Thanks so much for reminding me. =.= Haha. Sometimes I hate being born at the start of the year, because it clashes with the new school term, people keep saying I'm old, and i don't get presents. But there are times when I really like being born at the start of the year. Cause as i approach the new year, I also approach a new age. It kind of helps to set my direction right as I turn another year older, with regards to what have I achieved throughout the year, and what I want to achieve in the coming one.

This birthday, I will turn 21. I will become an adult. 2011. I will go to Korea. Take a plane for the first time. Live without my parents for the first time. 2011. We will move to Suntec. I will miss the first stage for Drama Ministry. I will miss my cell group. I will miss my bffs' birthdays. There are many things to give up for the dream I'm pursuing. This is adulthood maybe?

So many people have said that I am a baby. And they always say that they can expect what I'm going to say and stuff. But is that true? How sure are you that that joking, laughing, noisy Steph is the real her? Haha. It's funny. I'm blessed naturally with great interpersonal skills. I just know how to make people laugh, even when they laugh at me, its okay. cause my objective is to make people happy. But apart from that persona, apart from liking kpop, apart from all that, there is a real me that perhaps not many people know of.

21 is coming. Time to grow up! Recent example of a 21-year-old irks me. =.=

Stephie.

22.10.2010

2010-10-22T10:53:00.005+08:00

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging in such a long while. There's been so much work to do. I'm going crazy.

I'm taking some time to pen things here, but things are accumulating. I have no idea why all lecturers like week 12 so much! I have this huge amount of things due on week 12, but I have a test next week/week11! And the internship I'm trying to apply for closes this Sunday. I hope I make it in time to write then send my cover letter. With so many things at hand, I don't know how it may be possible to do it, God will pull me through. I may be unable, but my God is able.

I haven't gone for tuition this week because of the crazy workload. I'm missing Hyunjun! :) Yay, cause I will see him today. Even though he throws tantrums at me sometimes, makes me boil like crazy at others, but he's still that adorable kid. I guess I don't blame him cause he's just 10. Haha, "bery good".

Okay, gotta go and bathe the dog. I think when I go to Korea, no one would bathe him. Zzzz. He's not even my dog per se. =.=

I've got to keep some emotions in check, lest they run out of hand.

Stephie.

bedtime

2010-09-19T00:49:00.003+08:00

I should be turning in now but I really felt like I needed to write something here before I go to bed. I can't possibly turn in with all the thoughts and emotions going through me.

说话的时候，必须顾虑到别人的感受。就算是再要好的朋友，也会有不能说的话。而有些话，更不能公开地在别人面前说。因为就算是开个玩笑，也会让人下不了台。I guess this is when "renewing your mind" comes in- letting go of this bad emotions and meditating on the Word.

该停止了，不能这样继续。收拾一下就得走了。似有似无, 也许这就是人心的恐怖，永远都猜不透。不该想，不该，不能，不可以。

Stephie.

Coffee

2010-09-12T02:08:00.002+08:00

It's 2am. I just finished reading through the letter for group meeting tomorrow. Attempted to work through the focus group transcript but got really frustrated trying to do so cause my ear is blocked on the left due to the cold. =.= I totally can't make out what the caucasian girl was saying in the entire discussion! So I gave up, shall do that tomorrow.

Just thought I'd just want to take a minute or two to write a little something here. I feel like drinking starbucks. HAHA.

There are tests this week. I really hope I'd be able to do well. Kind of worried cause it's finance. Urgh. Kill me. And there are still so many things apart from mugging to be done! I wish I have 48hours a day instead. Sigh.

Tomorrow will be a long day...

Stephie.

Jun

2010-09-03T11:11:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I went with Jwenda to meet HyunJun. Ah, he's so cuteeeeeee~ I want to bring him home. Our very handsome tutee who is all alone here in Singapore. I really empathise with him a lot. My maternal instinct seems to be kicking in way too early. :S He's so shy! And his korean accent when he says "bery yummy" when he meant "very yummy" is just way too cute. I can remember his shocked face when I understood his Korean and his mutterings-to-self that I'm good with my Korean. Ah, too cute, i'm falling off my chair.

I asked him if I could stay with him, he said okay!ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ 진짜 귀여워요~

화영오빠...

ㅋㅋㅋ 미안해요.

난 깜박 잊어버렸어요...

한국어 공부하는 것을 많이 도와 줘서 너무 감사드리구요.

ㅋㅋㅋ내년 한국에 갈 때 잘 부탁해요!

ㅎ 술을 제외하고 많이 도와 주세요!

Enjoy your exchange here!~

love,

phie.

the mornings.

2010-09-02T11:39:00.002+08:00

Time passes really quickly. It is instructional week 4 already.

Every morning I wake up, counting down to the end of this semester, counting down to going to Seoul. Yet a part of me lingers over my homeland, over the people here- my family, my friends, and even my dog. Having to go away for so long is an exciting and scary thought all at the same time. Regardless of what I feel, I have to go. I have to get out of Singapore, out of my comfort zone, to see the world, improve my skills and to learn independence.

한국에 갈 때 너 꼭 만나야 해... ㅠ.ㅠ

만일 우리 못 만나면 어쩌겠소?

아이고...

Grandma is out of the hospital already. Thank God. The doctors still have not figured out what is wrong with her. It's like a House case happening in reality. =.= I really want her to stay healthy, praying that her fever won't come back.

This week has been pretty hectic. I had a presentation on Monday and I have to prepare for 2 other presentations and 1 other assignment for next week. Will be off to bathe and leave for project meeting in a while.

I'm excited to follow Jwenda언니 to meet the Korean kid later. Think about the struggles a 20 year old kid may have when living alone in a country, then think about this kid. He's here all alone. Only 10 years old, in pursuit of a good education, away from his parents and living with people who don't speak his native language. My heart really goes all out for him. I really hope I'd be able to help him, in one way or another, really.

This semester has been great so far. Even though work has been crazy and some people have been driving me crazy, I thank God for the people who keep me sane. Superdan, Zen Shawn, Qiqi, I'm thankful I get to meet you guys so often. It satisfies my 2009V cravings. Michell and Zishan! I miss you 2 the most. :( and Uncle Derrick! Our after school dinners at Lot One. Haha.

Hyunjae, Kwangwoo and Clement! I'm glad you guys liked the 잡채 I made! Can't wait for us to celebrate 추석together. Seriously, Hyunjae, you made this semester really interesting, and you're really the best buddy I've had so far, apart from 도도. I really hope you and Kwangwoo would enjoy this time in Singapore, and I can't wait to go over to KU. :D As for Clement, come and find us after you finish your semester in US! We must meet in Korea with 오빠들. 꼭~

Okay, gotta go now.

Love,

phie.

fade in fade out.

2010-08-12T15:21:00.002+08:00

Picture credits photographyblogger.net

Life is like a vicious cycle, taking it's toll on me. While one event fades into the background, another fades out into the centre stage. It seems like it just never ends, does it?

Just in case some of you start to misunderstand, my life too is like a roller coaster ride. There are times when I cry thinking about certain things, but the next minute i'm all chirpy and butterflying around. It's not that I'm never sad, it's not that my life is good. I just think I should have a little more faith. just a teeny weeny bit more.

Like now, I just wish this would fade away for me.

Stephie.

월요일의 우울한 기분이 없는데요!

2010-07-26T15:03:00.003+08:00

YAY, it's finally Monday again. I know how many people sincerely hate me saying this, but because it's the holidays, mondays are less tiresome when held in comparison with the weekends. And I like mondays cause it's my stayhome days these few months, it helps me to recuperate from the weekends. :)

Haha, yesterday had so much fun dancing and acting. LOL, and tim, i keep thinking about you mimicking lulu with the bounce bounce ball. LOL!

It's bidding time yet again. Seriously, i hate bidding for modules. And I really want to take macroecons this semester! Why am i not allocated this mod! Zzz, I don't know if I should specialise. MKT2401? 21 slots for A3, can I get it? :S Urgh, but thankfully, the modules in NUS and KU are very mappable, so i don't run into an issue of taking useless modules next semester when I go for exchange. I checked the modules for SNU and they weren't half as mappable, thank God for giving me KU and not SNU.

I guess I really need direction from God. Before praying, I got reminded of this song and ended up worshipping the Lord.

THERE IS A PLACE IN YOUR HEART
I AM LONGING TO FIND
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
THERE IS A PLACE I KNOW
I CAN RUN TO AND HIDE
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME YOUR HEART
SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME YOUR HEART

Very old song yes i guess. But it really expresses what I wanted to tell God. :) A man devises his plans, but God directs his path.

I've wanted to say this, and I shall say it here. Stop being childish and stop thinking that I've not moved on. You act like you've moved on, so can you please just do so? It's been so long. Which part of making me uncomfortable do you not understand? No, I don't think about the past, and neither do I want to do that. I'm happy where I am and I've never regretted since that day I chose to obey God. Look, I'm totally okay with being friends, but don't cross my boundaries cause it'd only make you sorry. Please show me that you've learned something for the past few years, or else I would just feel really sad for you. There's really more to life than just being in love or getting into relationships.

Stephie.

lately.

2010-07-22T00:38:00.008+08:00

Hello everybody! My apologies, wanted to update this blog like eons ago, but couldn't find the kairos moment for it. You know, the right weather, the right mood, the right topic, the right words. I need that creative source of influence to blog. Haha, okay, I know, I'm just blabbering.

Hmm, so grandma was allowed to go home this week. Thankfully, it wasn't what the doctors suspected it to be. It was confirmed to be merely an infection yet they kept her at the hospital for a week, testing on her like she's some guinea pig. I'm really quite amazed that the hospital is that inefficient. With an ageing population ahead of us, I'm not quite sure if the hospitals are able to sustain then. :S

아, 정말 미안해요. 여러분 저는 많이 보고 싶지요? 블로그 쓰고 싶지만 좋은 시간이 없는 것 같아요. ㅋㅋㅋ 제가 좋은 날씨, 좋은 기분, 좋은 토픽, 좋은 말을 모두 다 있었으면 블로그 쓸 수 있어요. ㅋㅋㅋ 영감이 필요 해요. ㅋㅋㅋ그래, 나는 거짓말을 하고 있어요. ㅋㄷ

Stephie.

Falling.

2010-06-27T02:57:00.002+08:00

FIND ME IN YOUR HOLINESS
LEAD ME IN YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS
HOW I LOVE YOU
BEAUTIFUL SAVIOR
WHEN I'M WEAK YOU MAKE ME STRONG
BEARING MY CROSS I CARRY ON
HOW I NEED YOU
HEAVENLY FATHER

SEARCH MY HEART O LORD
YOU KNOW MY EVERY THOUGHT
AN OPEN BOOK TO YOU
I PLACED MY ALL IN YOUR HANDS

FALLING AT YOUR FEET
AS MY WHOLE WORLD FADES AWAY
FALLING AT YOUR FEET
LET MY LIFE BE WHOLLY THINE
MY LIFE BE WHOLLY THINE
JESUS

EMMANUEL
EMMANUEL
ABBA FATHER, NEVER LET ME GO

Picture credits Phil Pringle.

Worshipping late into the night is enjoyable. Old songs are nice too. :)

Stephie.

lovely weather☁

2010-06-25T14:40:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting on my bed at home - blogging. Finally enjoying some solitude after a hectic week. The weather is just fantastic, considering the rain earlier in the morning, its still cooling in the afternoon. I simply love the rain.

Yesterday's combined cell group meeting with n284 was absolutely fantastic! All of us had to prepare a 3 minute sermon on faith and preach it to the rest. It was great to hear everyone share about what they think faith is about. And I suppose like what Meitong said, our experiences in life shaped our beliefs of faith. When faith is shared, it inspires and stirs each one of us. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Hearing from everyone was great because now we know, there's a preacher in all of us! Haha. It's fun, I want to do it again. The satisfaction you get knowing that you've prepared a great word/offering message is just splendid. You're just waiting for God to move during the meeting. But beyond the fun, it's really how the God uses us to release His Word to touch the hearts of the people. I'm just happy to be used as a channel.

I've been thinking about a lot of things actually. But i'm not very sure if all that I am wondering about should be written here. Oh wells.

God is just amazing, isn't He? Because of all things, God gave us the freedom of choice. Hmm, sticky.

I'm craving for crepes. Gonna meet James for dinner! :D

Love,

Stephie.

hanging out.

2010-06-14T16:09:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm currently out at Scape macs with two cuties Karuna and Saunders. The kids are doing their work while i'm on my Mac. :)

Silly me forgot that my shoulders are sunburnt and i still brought my handbag out. =.= AH, i deserve it la.

Spent my last 2 days at Sentosa. Yesterday's Shrekotsa was really tiring but enjoyable. :) Came home after zone outing and had a wonderful steamboat dinner with my family. I WAS SO HUNGRY, not having enough food yesterday made me eat like a pig. :D I fell asleep at 12 yesterday, and woke up at 1130am today. So i didn't just eat like a pig I slept like a pig too! haha, sorry, had to make up for all the lost sleep you see.

I remembered the last time Barry asked me what drives me to want to be a cgl and I couldn't answer, now I think I somehow might have the answer to this question already. Youth, a precious time in life when they are most readily shaped and molded. I feel the budding passion for the youths lately. Maybe that is what drives me. Gotta pray and get that confirmed.

RAWR. me hungry again. :D waiting for 7pm to come and meet the rest of the peeps. HAHA. love DM.

너, 나쁜 남자야.

난 널 싫어해.

우리는 이년전에는 다 끝났어.

알 찮아?!

Stephie.

AC 2010

2010-05-31T12:28:00.003+08:00

The phenomenal 5 days have finally ended. Wow, it's amazing. One of the most tiring 5 days ever, but the presence of God is just amazing. The drama team did stunning too! I'm so glad that I'm in such an awesome ministry, cheering one another in the the competitions, praying together before productions, sitting together for services, and of course! Acting on the same stage with one another. Love it ttm. Now that the conference has ended, its time to reflect on what have been taught, what has been learned, and the action plan ahead. :)

Due to the lack of sleep, despite sleeping for like 11h, i am still soooo tired. And there are still remnants of things to be done! tsk tsk!

Yes, i got my results today. Man, i would say it's DISAPPOINTING! sighhhh, when i'm done being sad, i need to work harddddddd... and pray that application to KU will succeed. rawr. I NEED to go to Korea, outta Singapore. yes.

And to my GORGEOUS BOSS!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thanks for making me who I am today, the opportunities you have given to me, the encouragement you gave, and most importantly, the love. Thank you for making Drama Ministry such an awesome place to serve God in! Thank you for loving me!I LOVE YOU BOSS! Gonna miss you and Sandy when you guys leave to study in US! :( Hope that this year will be the best year yet ever for you! Stay gorgeous ALWAYS Boss! :D

Okay, off to paint my nails then do those things that need to be done. HAH!

Stephie.

i just want to eat some pizza~

2010-05-11T21:15:00.002+08:00

I came home, shut the door, fell on my knees. I took my guitar and started worshiping the Lord, weeping in His presence. I don't know how long I cried, how long I sang or how much I prayed. I was really tired, and I fell asleep in God's presence. It was like a Elijah-moment. And it felt good being nursed in the presence of God.

When I eventually woke up, good news came.

I can only say God is truly amazing. Who but Him knows the greatest desires of my heart? And there were many choices I could have made. But I'm glad I chose to seek the Holy Spirit instead and seek comfort in the Lord. I love You God. I really do.

As of now, I'm craving for some PIZZA~~~ LOL

Stephie.

guess who's back.

2010-05-09T13:11:00.002+08:00

It's me, back to update my blog here.

Actually there ain't much to write about. So gonna keep this post brief I suppose.

Hmm, finally got the email today regarding tri-uni, I guess it's time to start work again! 2 more weeks to Asia Conference and 2 months to go for tri-uni. Ahhh, work, it never ends, does it?

You know, I know i oughta be cleaning up my room and packing all the books nicely since the semester has ended, but the weather ain't conducive for such activities, and I have no idea where to begin! Aish, messy messy...

Oh oh! I finally bought my crop leather jacket yesterday! WHOO! I've been wanting to get one for quite some time now. Hah, so to say, it's worth the wait, and definitely the price. umm. :D

I'm leaving it all behind. Goodbye, here I pack and I leave, never to come back again.

Stephie.

Shutter Island.

2010-05-05T10:56:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I went out with Danny and CQQ to watch Shutter Island. Gosh, I must say it is a really really awesome film! Leonardo's acting is really good, but more than the acting itself, the plot of the story is simply splendid. It set me thinking during the show, but it wasn't like some confusing show that you won't understand. The plot just draws you in and makes you want to know how the story would develop. All in all, I would say it is a must watch! I would put it on par with Sherlock Holmes. Heh.

The next movie to conquer would be...The nightmare on elm street! whee, horror is so my thing. wahahahaha.

Man, all the korean people are leaving already! ><

Mmm, gonna go for auditions tonight! whoo! :D

Stephie.

다 끝났어!!~

2010-05-04T11:55:00.002+08:00

Whee, finally, year one has come to an end! :D

A semester really goes by so quickly. Hmm, I haven't found an internship yet, getting a little edgy already. But still, there's lotsa things to get busy with! So, welcome work and goodbye to school for now!

Yesterday after the exam ended, the class went out for dinner at Crystal Jade. OMG XLB buffet! :D I totally lost count of the number of XLBs i ate man. Yes, i know, so fattening! But okay, there was my reward for all the studying during the exams, shall offset it by doing more workouts. ><

After a very filling dinner, we went to check out Marina Bay Sands! :D SO THRILLING! haha, ok, was my suggestion cause I wanted to check out the DNA bridge. The last time Weishan drove past the area I saw the bridge which was soooo crowded but gorgeous. So since I brought baby along yesterday, I decided to go and check out the place! WHEEEE! it's really really beautiful! there were even nucleotide pairs on the floor of the bridge. Definitely a place to go with your loved ones, though I felt it was a little crowded despite being a monday night. We went to check out the casino as well! mm, of course, we didn't go IN. Hah, we went around the mall, checked out the area. I love night lights! I think by the time they complete the building, the view is going to be quite spectacular. The only problem i have with the place is directions! mmm, as everyone knows, I'm a total direction idiot. BUT everyone else from alum group v didn't know how to walk either! haha, I still haven't figured out where's the nearest station. Nonetheless there are still buses that brings you to Marina Bay Sands directly, so it ain't that bad!

Yay, going out with the girls later! Going to watch SHUTTER ISLAND! :D yesss Leonardo, wait for me!

I won, but that isn't all that I want?

stephie.

보고 싶다.

2010-04-28T21:09:00.007+08:00

Hah, i'm missing the DM peeps! I can't help but stand in amazement at how cameras really capture the moment. This photo was taken when we were having some random joke that got us all excited and rolling around on the floor. And I guess it really captures the essence of the moment. Like when I photographed lovely last week.

Some people told me they can see how in love lovely is from the photos. I can feel it too! Gosh, the proposal is still fresh in my head. I'm so glad lovely has found the man of her life, and will soon progress to the next stage of her life! I'm so excited for her, even though i know the wedding is still far. But still! it's LOVELY! Hah, this makes me feel like getting married too. LOL.

Ahem, then again, why should girls have long hair? This thought has been pestering me for a while now. I mean, I really love my short hair the way it is, I feel happy, more confident, more at ease, and more "steph" than ever. The hair suits my personality! Being extroverted, bubbly and all. But sometimes i really miss having the long hair! Haha, my hair grows so slowly, will it grow in time for the wedding? Hmmm...

2 down, 3 more to go! Sociology's on early tomorrow morning. I shall stop getting distracted and head back to the books!

stephie.

잘가.

2010-04-22T23:35:00.002+08:00

난 미친 것 같아.
我觉得自己很傻。
干么拿热脸去贴人家的冷屁股？

我喜欢雨天，你却喜欢下雨之前的天气。
遗憾的，每一次下起雨，我就会想起你。
你已经不是我认识的那个他了。

널 잊어 거야...

stephie.

last night.

2010-04-18T11:33:00.005+08:00

어제 밤에 우리 또 만났지만 이야기 못 해.

왜이렇게 나도 몰라.

힘내.

그리고 너.

너 왜이래?

내 인생 너 없으면 좋겠어.

나쁜 남자.

제발...

저한테 연락하지말아.

Stephie.

MAPP

2010-04-08T12:05:00.005+08:00

Whee, I'm sitting in school waiting for project meeting to start at 2PM, so meanwhile, I'm taking some time to update my blog! Miss you everyone, sorry for the lack of updates, i've been really busy!

Now that Easter is over, I'm both sad and relieved! I'm suffering from my post-production blues, missing everyone from DM. :( Asia Conference come! Exams GO! I seriously can't wait for the examinations to be over. I'm rushing my final project! ACC1002!~ monday monday monday monday...=.=

I came to school early today to meet the career counsellor for my MAPP review. Gosh, so many things are so true of me, though there are some parts I didn't agree, but most of it really reflected my true self!

"Stephanie prefers and needs change and variety. Change is motivating, stimulating, and energising. Stephanie looks for new options, challenges, assignments, acquaintances, relationships and even new careers in new places. Stephanie tires of sameness, repetition, routine even in activities that were interesting at the start. once things become routine for Stephanie, this becomes motivation to move on to more interesting things. "

Maybe that's why i'm sick and tired of things.

stephie.

drowning.

2010-03-17T12:14:00.002+08:00

所谓人望高处看，可是如果高处太摇不可及，那该如何？

It's like I am thrown overboard in the storm and left to survive in the ocean. Every single time I feel like I finally struggled through to stay afloat, another tsunami hits, and the impact pushes me back, deep into the ocean. It seems that I might just drown, I might just die this time. I am gasping for oxygen.

I remembered when i was 15, i made that prayer to God. A foolish, childish prayer. Little did i expect, when i was 20, I would make that same prayer again.

Stephie.

the still of the night

2010-02-22T01:36:00.002+08:00

I guess it's always the nights that make people emotional, set them thinking about anything and everything. I'm human, so i think too.

Sometimes i wonder if everything is worth it. Giving up all those things, losing those friends just so to lead this life that I am living right now. There are times when i wonder am i really happy and is there anybody close to my heart. Sometimes the answers get diluted. Then it's time to rededicate back.

Elison.

sleep sleep sleep.

2010-02-07T22:46:00.002+08:00

Wow, I haven't blogged for a month! I've been really tired lately, coming home late and leaving home early isn't the best thing for my body. I'm not exactly looking forward to recess week either, cause there's tons of work left to be done then. Sigh, this semester is really draining for me. 1 project per module is disgusting. Urgh, I can't wait to leave for Korea.

I'm still aching all over. Going to bed soon after I'm done preparing for my interview tomorrow morning. P&G is just an amazing organisation. YAWN. Goodnight world. See you soon.

Love,

stephie.

family.

2010-01-08T02:17:00.001+08:00

It's you guys who keep me alive. Thanks for making me who I am today. My family.

Elison.

heartbroken.

2009-12-10T11:40:00.004+08:00

Maybe I should give it all up.

Elison.

오랫만 이에요..

2009-12-08T11:35:00.000+08:00

Whoa, it's been almost a month since I got this updated! I was kinda caught up with the examinations and so I didn't have time to sit down and blog.

Now that exams are over, I get busier as Christmas is approaching. This year's Christmas is going to be greater than ever. I know it. Hahah, things to be done just have no end to it. ><

Thankfully the holidays are here! Haha, I remember being uber excited for school to start, and now, I can't wait for holidays to come. tsk. There are so many things I want to do this holiday, like bringing my babies out to take photos, watch my korean dramas, study hard for korean and of course hang out with people that I've been missing on!

As 2009 comes to an end, I can't help but do some reflections. This year has been a year full of up and downs. Many things have happened - graduating from NJ, first-time working, getting A level results, going to university, first-time filming for movie, forging new friendships while others terminated.

I realised the reality of the world, reality of society? People are fake. Indeed, you guys are pretty different from us.

And you, I feel so sorry for you. For love for a woman, you sacrifice what God has in store for you. I feel so sorry for you and your sheep. I'm not over-reacting. What is the point of gaining what you want, and losing your own soul? There are consequences that you chose to overlooked, because to you, feelings and love, are more important.

But 2009, God has been a faithful God. While there were people who were very important to me in my life who left me, God has given me new found friendships and strengthened old ones. No one is better to me than God.

Day one of fasting! :D

Okie, gonna rest a while. Have to go for rehearsals later. (:

Elison.

just felt like so.

2009-11-15T22:17:00.002+08:00

I just felt in the mood to write.

Sometimes I guess I really hate facebook. I hate the fact that some people have evolved to be just lifeless profile pages. I can only see them off my computer. That's all.

Goodbye-장근석
어떡하죠 바라만 보네요
짧은 인사조차 건낼수가 없네요
시리도록 차가운 내 손 잡아주지만
이제는 그만 보내야하죠

어떡하죠 멀어져 가네요
가슴 가득 눈물만 차오네요
애써 감춰봐도 멈출수가 없어요
끝내 잡지 못한 이 맘을 어떡하나요

사랑했던 그 기억을 놓지 말아요
다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지도 그대라 다행이죠
슬픈 눈물 모아서 안녕

아무것도 해준게 없네요
못나게도 상처만 남겼네요
변해간 맘조차 감싸 안아준사람
이제 보내야할 그대를 어떡하나요
사랑했던 그 기억은 놓지 말아요
다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지도 그대라 다행이죠
숨이 멎을 만큼 아파와 눈물 흘러도
행복했던 그기억은 놓지 말아요
다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지 그대라 다행이죠
닿지 못한 내사랑 이젠 보내야 하죠

오직나를 웃게 할 사람 그대 뿐인걸
사랑이 깊어져 마음이 아파와도
행복했던 그 기억은 놓지 말아요

다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도
아픈 이별까지 그대라 다행이죠
슬픈 눈물 모아서 내가 할 수 있는 일
안녕.

What should I do? All I can do is gaze at you
I can't even extend you a short greeting
My achingly cold hand, don't hold it
Now I have to let you go

What should I do? You grow further away
My chest fills with tears
Even though I try hard to hide it, I can't stop
What should I do with this love I can't end

Please don't forget that we loved each other
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Gathering my sorrowful tears, goodbye

I've done nothing for you
Pitifully I've only left you with scars

You who embraced even my changed feelings
Now I have to let you go. What should I do?
Please don't forget that we loved each other
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Even though the pain stops my breath and my tears fall

Please don't forget that we were happy
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Now I have to let go of this love that was unable to connect

The only person who will make me smile is you
Even though as my love deepens I feel more pain

Please don't forget that we were happy
Even if you meet someone else who makes you laugh
The farewell is painful, but I'm glad that it was you that I loved
Gathering my sorrowful tears, the only thing I can do is say...

Goodbye

I just need to hide this.

Elison.

the art of writing

2009-11-08T12:55:00.002+08:00

My apologies for the lack of updates on my beloved blog. But writing to me is more of an art, definitely more than mere words. It requires the right timing, the right weather, the right feel, and substantial content. There's a kairos moment to it. Okay okay, I'm talking rubbish, I know. =.=

It's been a while since I blogged. I was pretty caught up with all the project meetings. Now that marketing presentation is over, there are more things to come! Like movie filming, drama rehearsals, and exams. Well, it's a ton of work, and work is never-ending. There's no time to complain, but to put in my best effort in all these that I'm doing. :D It's going to be tough maybe, but it's definitely a period of stretching and enlarging my capacity and abilities. Nonetheless, it's a joy to serve God. It always feels good to go for rehearsals and church. :)

다시 그 때로 가면 우리 만날 수 있을 것 같아.
그댈 닮은 사람 없어도 나는 그댈 기억하니까.
어디서든 무얼해도 나는 기억하니까.
그대 이름 같은 사람 없어도 나는 기억하니까.
내가 숨쉬는 동안은 그대 기억하니까.
마음이 아파와.
하고싶은 말은 많지만 가슴 속에 묻어.
너를 그만 보내야 하니까.
사랑했던 사람을 또 다시 나는 안보게.
사랑했던 사람을 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해.
기억으로도 추억으로도 모두 지우게.
그래야 내가 살 수 있을 것 같아.
이제는 더이상.
너를 부정하고 싶지 않은.
나를 알고 있지만.
가까이 있는 널 사랑할 수 없는 걸 알고 있기에.
날 바라볼 수 없는.
널 기다림이 너무 힘들어.
이젠 견딜 수 없어.
이뤄질 수 없기에.
그 이름 이제 적어놓고 나 울먹여.
내 안에 숨고 싶어져.

Elison.

Ring ding dong!~

2009-10-19T20:09:00.002+08:00

Daddy was asking me if I had brought baby out to take photos. And then I realised I haven't really done so! I wanted to use baby to take nice sceneries, but I had been so busy, there hadn't been time for me to do that! :( I promise after the exams end, I will bring baby out...

Anyway, if you are wondering, I'm going to take up the offer. Gee, there are so much uncertainties ahead, especially having to juggle with so many things, I know it's not going to be easy. But it's really a good chance to go into the marketplace. Besides, building fund is coming, and this would probably help a lot in fulfilling it. I guess everything will work out. Even though it may be tough for now, all things WILL, eventually, work out.

I'm always only free on monday or tuesday to blog. the rest of the week usually breezes past me. =.= Life.

Elison.

waraku

2009-10-13T22:33:00.002+08:00

ahhh, I'm back to blog after being missing for a week. Hmm, i seem to be a really busy person, and staying committed to blogging and facebooking is too difficult. Perhaps it's the reason why my blog posts are getting shorter as time goes by?

Anyway, I went for the movie audition today! Hmm, I should say it was a good experience? But really stage and camera are very very different, filming for the past few days didn't really help me to get used to it. =.=

YAY! Today I met lovely for dinner at waraku, finally fulfilling our appointment from 2 years ago? Haha.

Me (putting the sushi in my mouth): Mmm, this fish sushi is very fishy.

Lovely stares at me.

We burst into laughter. :)

It's always the little things that we do together that means so much to me. <3

Oh yes, I bought 2 bags for 35 bucks. Unbelievable? Believe it. :)

Love,

Elison.

not so good

2009-10-06T20:07:00.003+08:00

정말 미안해요, I had been tied down by the mid-term examinations, so I couldn't find the time to update. Now that the exams have finally ended yesterday, I'm feeling so much more at ease. Yet of all times, I have to fall sick NOW? :( I thought I was getting better in the afternoon, cause I stopped sneezing that much already, but my head just hurts like crazy. It seems like a fever is going to follow soon. It making me groggy and all. Worse still, I had to go for subject pool despite being sick. That $2 i earned didn't serve as much consolation. =.=

Tomorrow is going to be another long day, will be going for leadership dialogue, filming for announcements and then helping out at drama workshop. ><

I don't understand you. I doubt anyone of us does. Do you even treat us as your friends? You are 20, but you are not acting like one. I guess I thought of you wrongly. But then again, how could 2 months be sufficient for us to know you, when you opened some doors and closed some other? If men is all that matters to you...

Elison.

dead tired.

2009-09-29T09:37:00.003+08:00

I guess I'm still looking like this (referring to the picture above). I thought after a night of sleep I would feel replenished and all, but that is not exactly true. Hence, I resolved that having 2 university examinations in 1 day can actually be quite deadly.

I'll be back again to update with nice pictures after school today. :) My baby is going to school with me. Yay, everyone loves my baby, especially the girls. Hmm, I need suggestions for a name for my baby. Anyone?

Elison.

random post.

2009-09-22T12:07:00.002+08:00

Tuesday blues. I've been studying since I woke up this morning but it's been really hard trying to focus on that thick economics textbook. But nonetheless I will blend it and gulp it all down!

It's getting dark outside, I'm not sure if it would rain. And even if it rains, life has to go on, there are places I still have to go and things I still have to do. The rain won't stop me.

I guess I became stronger. I didn't have to fight with tears, it no longer pained me like it used to. Like what Pastor Kong said, God allows us to go through things in our lives not to tear us down, but all so that we can eventually change, be dealt with and move into the greater calling for our lives. Things may not always be easy, but still I'm excited, excited to move towards that calling that God has given to me. 3 years of nursing the dream...I won't let it go.

RAWR, I'm gonna head back to the books. Gotta head down to church office later then meet liang to eat chicken! ^^

toodles~

Elison.

happy 便当!

2009-09-20T21:48:00.002+08:00

Yay, this is the happy 便当/ 도시락 lovely and I shared on friday. :D I cooked this to supposedly help me destress...but whatever that happened on the way to school on friday totally defeated the purpose of me cooking.

See, I was just about to leave my house when it started to pour. So I thought I should wait till 1130 and see if the rain gets any lighter. Apparently it didn't. And because I had to rush to Clarke Quay after school, I had no choice but to attend the earlier lecture. So I took the umbrella and went downstairs in an attempt to flag a taxi to school. Within a few minutes, I was drenched waist down despite carrying an umbrella. =.= And all the taxis didn't have NETS! I didn't have cash with me you see. And there was one, there was obviously nets machine, but the uncle refused to take me. So I stood under my umbrella, in the rain, and I started crying cause I felt really pathetic! :( Yes I know. It's very stupid. ><

Doing market research for tomorrow's marketing project meeting. ><

Big fish, plant, worm. I guess yesterday's service made me have a brand new refreshed encounter with God. Perhaps sometimes I really feel like Jonah. There were times I wished I didn't have this calling, or at least something that require lesser, but I guess only God knows what He is doing. No matter how tough, no matter how painful, I will hang in there. No one knows my heart better than He does.

Elison.

beary pillow.

2009-09-15T23:53:00.002+08:00

Staring at my awesome pillowcase is sufficient to induce sleep in me. I'm so thankful to God that today is Tuesday. Seriously, I love my timetable because of the mid-week off which makes life easier for me.

Hmm, the examinations are slowly creeping near. I don't think I'm exactly in the studying mode yet, but hopefully I'll get there during recess week next week.

I'm so tired. It's difficult to continue blogging now cause I can still see my pillow on the computer screen! RAWR, I'll be back soon...

Elison.

baby, baby one more time!

2009-09-13T23:31:00.002+08:00

Say hello to my new baby!~

Finally, dslr. ^^

Elison.

sun+cloud=smiling tree!

2009-09-13T18:33:00.002+08:00

It can't help but contradict. As much as I love marketing, the tutorials are like so hard to do. ><

Okay okay, got to go and finish up on marketing so that I can call up those people who have signed up for drama ministry and schedule them for auditions.

Busy busy.

Elison.

Xiao Guilin

2009-09-09T15:20:00.002+08:00

I took this picture of Xiao Guilin when I went cycling today. I was feeling quite sick of LP, so i took my bike and went out to get some fresh air. For the first time, I cycled to Jiani's old house, and on the way, passing by Kyungsoo's house. Ah, passing by Kyungsoo's house made me really miss him! :( For a moment I wished he isn't Korean, but if he isn't, we probably wouldn't have met! =.= But I'm glad that he's doing fine back in Korea, hopefully he'll continue to be that fine when he enlists! ^^

Initially when I first thought of blogging, there were many things that I wanted to say. Now all of a sudden, the words left me. =.= I'll come back again later if they return. =.=

Elison.

AMBER!

2009-09-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

Amber is so cute and cool. I can't believe she's so young. ㅠ.ㅠ

After God-knows-how-many hours, I finally completed my statistics tutorial 3! I was trying to keep myself awake the whole time because the entire tutorial was about sampling, variability, experimental design and bias?! =.= Almost died doing that, but thankfully I'm done with it already. But that's not all the homework, there're still 2 more tutorials to go. Management science will so kill me. ㅠ.ㅠ I hope I will score for the presentation on Thursday! ><

I feel like some girl who just broke up with 2 boyfriends. Just an analogy alright.

On the way home from school on Monday, Samuel and I had a talk. He commented that I'm very mature for my age. I beg to differ. If only I was more matured, I won't be in this situation I am in right now. But then again, we learn through the pain. This is my threshing floor, a wilderness experience. It's in the wilderness where the children of Israel found God. Talking to one another should always motivate, impart faith and stir each other to love God more. I hope I'll make a positive impact on this time. I thought about what Samuel said. Sometimes I just feel the same. Whenever I feel like I don't know why life is so tough, why I have to go through all these, all it takes is may be the birds in the air, the wonderful morning breeze or just people who genuinely care for each other to cause me to stand in awe of how great our God is, over His creations, and realise once again that life isn't that bad afterall.

There are too many "maybe"s. Let my yes be a yes and my no be a no. Period.

I haven't played Plants vs Zombies for 2 days. =.= I will do so after I'm done with LP. Bleah...

Elison.

라차타!~

2009-09-07T01:11:00.002+08:00

f(x) is the new girl group under SM entertainment. They are a very strong rookie group, i must say. Currently listening to their song 라차타 and trying to read up on calculus and it's application in economics.

Finally, I'm going to leave it and move on. There's no use blaming anymore right? I just want to carry on this fight. Even if I fail, even if I fall, I don't want to give up, because God never gives up on me. I will repent and walk on with God. Although I'm not perfect, but I don't have to be perfect to be worthy of His love. But there's no excuse to remain imperfect, because God is perfect. Moulding, moulding.

"So the last will be first and the first last. For many are called, but few are chosen."

Reality is harsh.

Elison.

busy.

2009-09-03T22:28:00.002+08:00

Heaves a sigh of relief. I'm finally done with all the tutorials for tomorrow. This week has been really tough! There's so much work to be done. They are just piling up on me. I wonder how things would go when marketing project and individual assignment kick in. University life is so taxing! :(

I had many thoughts.

Grace says that although I look fine, my mind runs elsewhere.

Circling around thoughts that should not exist.

Exercise control please, brain.

Who should I look to?

I'm too ashamed.

I asked the people around me if I am a bad friend.

No matter what their answers may be, my heart has already reached a conclusion.

Who I am hates who I've been.

It never rains but it pours.

It's not the first.

Elison.

心血来潮

2009-08-30T16:12:00.002+08:00

可笑吧？
不知多久没有写华语的我似乎开始想念自己的母语。
就有如英语无法完整地表达韩语的意思，有些话用中文可能可以说得更清楚吧。
下雨天。
我哪儿都没去。
坐在家里尝试把那些堆积如山的作业赶完。
也许我需要些清新的空气。
昨天遇见你，可你却把我当成透明的，装作根本没有见到我。
心有点疼。
天作孽、不可谓，自作孽、不可活。
真是活该。
多希望人生能够重来。
我造的孽还真多。
雨停了。
和伤心暂别。
就写到这里吧。

Elison.

对不起朋友。

2009-08-30T00:20:00.004+08:00

怎么我老这样，好像处处都在得罪人，处处都在对不起人。

不论我是有心还是无意的，对他们来说，这伤害是无法弥补的。

我也只能对你们说对不起。

可能就算赔上我这条命也还是没法获得你们的原谅。

是开始有点恨自己。

경수他走了。幸好在机场时我没哭。虽然心里是有点难过。也许两年，也许六年，朋友到时再见了。

挺可怜的，生命中的人来来去去，到底谁才是真正的朋友？

对不起，我不是一个好朋友。

Elison.

COOKIES

2009-08-28T10:41:00.002+08:00

Nothing is better than infinite happiness.

A cookie is better than nothing.

Therefore a cookie is better than infinite happiness!

Haha, i'm not spastic. This is what Professor Leong said during GEK 1005. And it is a totally logical statement. I promised my classmates that I'd blog about this. So here it is!ㅋㅋㅋ...

I want to watch so many movies...Need to find companions to watch! and of course, I need to find the time to do so. =.=

KEVIN SKINNER!~

Elison.

비가 왔어. 난 슬퍼요.

2009-08-23T01:32:00.007+08:00

The perfect weather and timing to sit before the computer to blog while having a cup of hot coffee at hand. :) I just love rainy days. Allows me to contemplate over life you see.

One more week and Kyungsoo is going back to Korea, probably for good. Seriously, I'll miss him. Although we only met like June, he's been so much of a help to me, teaching me Korean language and the culture. Although he is always late cause he oversleeps, he's really a great friend. My first Korean friend in Singapore. Within a period of less than 3 months, my first Korean friend and teacher is leaving. It's sad I guess. I won't have a Korean friend to read Korean books to me and go through my texts anymore. And he'll be going into the army soon. Like Seungho. But it's not that bad. With technology, I guess we still can keep in touch via email and so on. But yes, I will miss him. Goodbye my friend. I hope to see you in Korea. I promise the next time I meet you, 2 years later, I'll speak in perfect Korean. 약속해...

I guess it's a spiritual fight. Yesterday Barry shared about temptations and today Pastor Kong shared with us about Goliath and the 5 stones we need to pick up. This few weeks has been really tough on me, cause many things have happened. But each time I feel like I don't want to do it anymore, it's through the encounters with God that I find new strength to carry on, healing of my heart, and encouragement by the Holy Spirit. It's about doing things even when you feel least like doing it. And everytime I do that, God is so faithful, it melts my heart. Thank God for God. Because without God, I could just die from a broken heart.

I'm not a perfect person. And I'm sorry for my imperfectness that may have hurt anyone. But no one is perfect. 这世上也没有所谓的“谁对不起谁”。We all fall, we all make mistakes. Sorry is all I can say. Pastor Kong said sometimes saying sorry once is not enough. Should I kneel before you and beg for forgiveness? If that is what it takes, I'd do it. But now when I've decided to move on? Maybe it's just good for it to end all here. I still keep you, in this corner of my heart, and in my wallet.

If time is all that you need...

Life is never easy, relationships are never easy. We live a lifetime to learn how to live with people. Because no one is able to understand us perfectly, or suit us perfectly.

Why are people often choosing the same route? And they seem to like to do it at the same time. I felt like everything was just my fault. All I could hear was Satan. Mocking at me. Demeaning me. Arrows shot at my heart. Bleeding. Pain. All my fault. It's all my fault.

But that is illogical. I don't live your lives or choose your emotions. You do. You make decisions over your own lives. Why then is it my fault? Why?

I hate my imperfectness. And through life, more imperfectness surfaces. And the more I hate this part of me. How can you guys expect me to be perfect when no one is? I'm not God. Yet I want with God in likeness. Let me grow to, hopefully, attain that perfection someday.

忘れないで - Tohoshinki/ 東方神起
I can feel your presence on the path we always walk on
Quietly closing my eyes wishing
that this feeling will never go away

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
I want to fly to the world you're in
I want to see you, I want to see you
I will always wait for you
Because I just can't forget you

The night that I felt you
was already broken
The sweet drifting memories become stronger, Baby
I never want this to end
and hold your hand tighter
I can't leave you

I want to become the wind and envelop you in my arms
and fly to the world you're in
because I want to see you, I want to see you
I'll be waiting for you
I'll be waiting for you

Because I just can't forget you
I'll always be here, I won't forget you

Elison.

as spastic as ever

2009-08-20T22:26:00.002+08:00

My love for mac and photo booth. I was mugging with the girls yesterday when we all got high after drinking hot mocha/chocolate and acted spastic. ^^ I had so much fun although we were doing some serious studying.

I hate this bad habit of mine, stuffing myself whenever I am unhappy. Thank God I am not unhappy often. But still...sigh...왜?

elison.

rawr.

2009-08-17T09:43:00.003+08:00

Yes, my apologies for the lack of updates. No, school hasn't been that busy, just that I've been busy hanging out with the class and there wasn't much to blog about so yea... ><

Like the picture? Yesterday for dinner we went to the Korean restaurant at Bukit Timah. The boss is a Korean man, but the workers are from Vietnam. RAWR, man was I disappointed. But nonetheless....The jjajangmyun tasted differently from the one ruiliang and I had at Manna. I resolved that it may be from a different part of Korea. ><

I spent my sunday chewing on marketing. It was rather interesting, but apparently textbook writers love repeating themselves. =.= I should have like bought the rest of my textbooks like last week, then perhaps I could have engaged in more constructive activities this weekend. RAWR.

I don't know why things are going this way. Is there something that I have done wrongly and thus affected the outcome? But just like how I tell Luanxiang, God's ways are higher than ours. Only He knows the future and what is ahead. If avoidance is what you are trying, don't. It always starts with people getting too busy for others. Then they gradually slip away. No matter how, regardless how...draw closer to us, to God. Perhaps you feel that we won't understand, but no, we do. We care. We do. We miss the times we hang out with each other so often. Don't let busy-ness rob you away from us. Please. Please. Stay connected.

Life is never easy. But I won't complain. Many things are happening, but I still hope for the best. With God, all things are possible...

Elison.

complicated.

2009-08-09T12:42:00.004+08:00

This week hasn't been the easiest week for me I should say. Monday to Thursday were spent at camp, Friday at cell group, Saturday at Rag and service. Thank God for Sundays.

O-week has been pretty okay I suppose. Just tiring, that's all. Cause I didn't manage to get enough sleep for that few days. The games weren't all that interesting. I guess I had most fun when I was just hanging out with the OG. This alum group seems like a good place to begin my tertiary education. School's going to officially begin on Tuesday. I'm having mixed feelings. Nonetheless still excited cause the long holiday is finally going to be over. *amoeba makes me crazy!~*

Thank you James for accompanying me to Peninsula to get the guitar stuffs on Friday.

I got a confirmation on Friday. Since then, there are many thoughts running through my mind. For the past 2 days, I talked to many people- James, Yunrui, Barry, Meitong. I needed to talk about my feelings. I needed to express how hurt I am feeling. I needed to express all my disappointments. I'm so sorry, so sorry that it happened. I thought about how I could have been a better friend, that if I had done something and not acted according to my own emotions, perhaps the ending to the story could have been different. I kept hearing the ifs. If only, if I had, if it wasn't for...it's my fault, it's all my fault. My mind felt like exploding. I wanted to give up too. I heard Satan asking me to throw in the towel as well, since everything is getting really difficult and tacky.

Yesterday at service, I cried so hard. The tangible presence of God, the healing power of God that touched my heart, the warmth of the Spirit...I know God will take this pain away. All I need to do now is to move on, let go and let God. I don't know what to do now that things have ended up this way. I just keep crying. Is there an action plan I can carry out? I need something from God.

If you are reading this: I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. All these years, despite all the conflicts we may have, to me, you are important. Maybe you think it's all too late to say this now. But this is what I really feel in my heart. You're not just someone in the cg. You are a friend. To me, you were someone I looked up to spiritually, a discipler. I'm sorry if you felt I never met up to your expectations as a friend. I think in my lifetime, I've failed so many times as a friend, I never expected that I failed as one to you as well. I'm sorry. If you would, please forgive me. No matter what choices you may make, I'll respect you. But all I ask, is for this friendship. For this friendship to be reconciled. Because you never knew how much you meant to me. I love you my friend, and I'm sorry.

I will render praises to You.

For my soul trusts in You;

And in the shadow of Your Wings I will make my refuge.

For You have delivered my soul from death.

Have You not kept my feet from falling,

That I may walk before God

In the light of the living?

Elison.

남의 속도 모르고

2009-08-01T12:34:00.005+08:00

사랑했던 사람을 또 다시 나는 안보게

사랑했던 사람을 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

기억으로도 추억으로도 모두 지우게

그래야 내가 살 수 있을 것 같아

이별했던 사람과 또 다시 나는 안보게

이별했던 사람과 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

우연이라도 스치더라도 알지 못하게

제발 마주치지 않길

속도 모르고 남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 내 맘도 그댄 모르고 원망하지마

사랑하면서 보내려는 내 맘도

바보같이 모르고 아파하지마

남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 사람과 또 다시 나는 안보게

사랑하는사람과 난 두 번 다신 안보게 해

우연이라도 스치더라도 알지 못하게

제발 마주치지 않길

속도 모르고 남의 속도 모르고

사랑하는 내 맘도 그댄 모르고 원망하지마

사랑하면서 보내려는 내 맘도

바보같이 모르고 아파하지마

남의 속도 모르고

자꾸 울지마 남의 속도 모르고

모질게 말하지마 내 맘 무너져 흘러내려와

잡고 싶어도 다시 잡고 싶어도

아무말 조차도 못하는 내 가슴은 또 찢어지니까

행복하라고 너는 행복하라고

그래서 보내니까 너 하나만은 행복하라고 제발

I will never see the person I loved again,
I will never see the person I loved ever again.
So I can erase everything from memories,
So I can live.

I will never see the person I said good-bye to again,
I will never see the person I said good-bye to ever again.
So I won’t recognize even if we pass by chance,
So we will never cross.

Not knowing my heart, not knowing my heart.
Don’t hate me not knowing I love you.
Don’t foolishly feel hurt not knowing I’m trying to let you go while I still love you.
Not knowing my heart.

I will never see the person I loved again,
I will never see the person I loved ever again.
So I won’t recognize even if we pass by chance,
So we will never cross.

Not knowing my heart, not knowing my heart.
Don’t hate me not knowing I love you.
Don’t foolishly feel hurt not knowing I’m trying to let you go while I still love you.
Not knowing my heart.

Don’t cry not knowing my heart.
Don’t speak in hate. My heart collapses and drains.
I want to hold on to you, I want you hold on to you again,
but my heart that cannot say anything rips apart again.
Be happy, you have to be happy.
Thats why I am letting you go.
So please be happy.

엘리슨.

이상

2009-07-29T09:08:00.002+08:00

I attempted to use all logic and scientific understanding to comprehend my Nikon, but all attempts to do so proved futile. It's so freaking weird.

After 3 months of buying the camera, I woke up one fine day to realise the mode dial wasn't working. So I contacted Nikon and the person told me it must be a problem with the contact point. So I had to fix it, but since I knew a trick to make it work, I pushed back the appointment for my little baby...A few months later, it decided to switch on and off on it's own, and by then I couldn't take pictures anymore. So I knew i had to go and fix it...Contemplated a little while longer till I called Harvey Norman and told them about my problem. So finally, I decided to fix it before I go for camp next week. My plan was to go down to Nikon Service Centre yesterday. So on Monday night, I decided to test my camera for one last time. You see, to confirm the problem and tell the Nikon person as specifically as possible...and amazingly, it just suddenly worked! Like fully functionally, perfectly normally, not failing me in ANY aspect. My question is, HOW? How it something that failed on me for more than a year, suddenly worked when I decided I want to fix it's problem? Any logical explanation is not possible. If it's a problem of contact with the mode dial, not using it for a few months could improve the contact? If it's a problem with the circuit board that causes it to switch off on its own, then the circuit board could automatically rebuild itself to make the camera work properly? HOW?

Collin says I always manage to figure things out myself. THIS, I can't. =.= I'm glad it worked though. At least I didn't have to go down to Tanjong Pagar and get lost there. ㅋㅋㅋ! Maybe God was consoling me for the fact that I won't get my dslr till maybe a month or two later. I'll make do with my functional semi-pro for now. ><

엘리슨.

kpop love.

2009-07-27T13:45:00.002+08:00

I'm home trying to catch up on the videos that I haven't been watching. This video is really cute. where Ft talk about Shinee's Key. Yay, I love Shinee and F.t so this vid is good proof of how they are actually good friends behind the scene. Jaejin talked about Key's almighty introduction and Hongki laughed at him, saying that his intro should be "Hello, I'm Buddha's finger, Lee Jaejin!". ^^

Another reason why you should love f.t! cause they are serious though they have fun. When Hongki sings, he gets into his singing! Although he's just as playful. Kekek. he wanted to laugh at the start. Beware though, the irritating MC kept screaming during the song. =.=

Gaaaa, gotta get back to watching Shinee on 지금은 꽃미남시대. 잘가!~

Elison.

많이 아파.

2009-07-24T23:13:00.004+08:00

Hadn't been feeling very well lately. Must be that my mind has been too preoccupied. I came home from school today and rested, slept for like 4hours...but I woke up feeling worse than before. Took 2 paracetamols and couldn't go to bed thereafter. Yesterday I scalded my hand when I put it into the oven. Today hasn't been a good day either. I took the morning train and experienced how insanely rude and kiasu Singaporeans are. I fell down and scraped my knee against the drain when I alighted outside the YIH bus stop. I had diarrhoea and felt really groggy. Man... I took comfort that I met some very nice seniors at the matriculation fair. Left my contact details at so many booths I can barely remember. University life is so complicated with all the module bidding, and growing up to be an adult. I need a vision.

I almost forgot to check my test results today. Anyway, I passed. :) I will be able to know if I get the module after round 3A bidding. Hopefully I'll get it.

I had a really good quiet time today. The chinese worship song is really very anointed. :)

I watched today's music bank. Hongki's 애교 reminds me of him singing FT vs Pri. ^^ and Seunghyun sounds so much more confident today! Minnie was so cute singing along with Hongki though he doesn't have a mic. 2ne1 won. =.= by 7 points. But nonetheless, there's still inkigayo. SM hwaiting!

Elison.

panadol and alcohol?

2009-07-22T23:51:00.001+08:00

Yea, I know this is not like me. But i want to get drunk and hopefully for a moment stop thinking about everything and all. If only it was this easy.

If this is what you need. I'm sorry.

Elison.

for paedos.

2009-07-21T23:39:00.003+08:00

Here's Taemin for all pedophiliac noonas. Yes, he's ONLY 16. Haha.

Just checked my mail and I'm flailing cause I manage to get attached to a Korean SEP buddy! Yay! I haven't contacted her yet, so for now, I only know that she's from Yonsei University. And she's the only one from Yonsei! Sounds lonely. But I guess she must be really smart, since she comes from one of the S.K.Y. league in Korea. I'm excited to meet her! Now this has got me excited for school! :)

Ah, 2 more weeks before school starts and many things are already happening! I'm gonna be busy soon!~ ><>

I love lovely. We and our puppy talk. :) <3

Elison.

머리가 아파요...

2009-07-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

I thought about this for many days now. I really miss you. I think it's so pathetic that I have to find out about you from someone else. I know many things happened, but I don't know anything about them at all. Do we have to end up this way? I want things to go back to how they were, but just impossible eh? 가슴이 아프다. 하지만 어떻하면 난 모르겠다.바보 멍청이.

Why do people not talk about things when it happens? Why do we seek other forms of expression to vent our frustrations? It only worsens. It only hurts. It only results in a greater crack in a relationship that will take more time to mend later. 정말 나이브...

난 생각보다 더 어렵다.
사람의 마음을 난 못 알겠다.

머리가 아파요...많이 아프다.

Elison.

cause you had a bad day.

2009-07-18T00:47:00.002+08:00

The following conversation has been translated from Korean to English for the convenience of readers.

Teacher: How do you find Singapore's weather?
Me: Warm, very very warm!
Teacher: Do you hate it?
Me: Yes.
Teacher: Why?
Me: *stares at her and into space*

Apparently this was what happened during my Korean oral today. HAHA, interesting huh?

I'm super tired today, woke up early so that I could do a bit more of studying. Aye, so, how did the test go? I don't know. How will I do? I don't know. I hope I will pass my essays. Yea, I wish my Korean was better. =.= When I saw the teacher, I was so nervous! I totally forgot so many things. When I took 96 on the way to the mrt station, I calmed down and thought about it. I could have answered it so much better if I was calmer! :(

I made many mistakes today. It's very bad. I think I've been too drained. Like after the test, I just felt like not doing anything. I don't think I'm going to touch my guitar or Korean for the next few days... ><>

I'm having a backache, a buttache, a fingerache...everything also ache...I'm old. =.=

Currently doing some research in an attempt to diagnose my disease. I'm mottephobic or lepidopterophobic, since there is not exact term for the fear of butterflies. I can't imagine how someone can be photophobic or heliophobic except for like a zombie?! And a photic sneeze reflex is really interesting. Photic sneeze reflex is a genetic autosomal dominant trait, which causes sneezing when exposed suddenly to bright light, possibly many times consecutively. LOL, imagine that. Man, I really love Biology. Why am I in Business anyway? Oh yea, after some research, I realised I usually have migraines without aura. That's very interesting. Ah, and also, in the past, they drill a hole in your head to treat migraines. WOW. How ingenious.

Gotta go catch some sleep soon.

Elison.

미안해.

2009-07-14T22:14:00.003+08:00

미안해! 난 요즘 바빴어요...

I'm sorry, I had been busy so I didn't have time to really update.

This picture was taken at riverwalk on saturday when we went for the blood donation drive together. It ended up with only james, jeremy and me donating, cause the rest didn't have their consent forms. I'm so proud of us! We overcame the fear of pain and needles and did our part in saving lives. :)

Anyway, after some encouragement, I finally decided to register for the language test yesterday. The test is this friday. I really hope to do well. 어쩌죠? 아이고...난 자신이없어...

I'm pretty amazed that my cassette player, the one that I've owned since primary school, is still pretty much fully functional! AMAZING huh?

I thought about many things lately. Have I not been doing enough? What is it more that I can do? The things in my heart, who would know and understand? Why are things going the way they are? All the efforts that I've made over the past year just went down the drain like that, and yet I sit here, not being able to do anything at all. Sometimes I take it too hard upon myself. I wish I could just ease a little. I also wish I can be better at it, but why does it seem that everytime I do it, I fail at excelling in it? Oh God, help me to love beyond my own ability. Many times I may not understand, but God, there are things that I still pray for hoping that things will take a turn, yet at the end of it all, my trust is in You. Oh God...제발요...제발.

Elison.

updates.

2009-07-09T10:02:00.003+08:00

I really like this shot cause you can see SHINee and Hongki together, but Onew and Minho got cut out... :(

Ahh, anyway, my threadless tees just came! YAY! I'm so happy to finally get the clothes. It took about 2 weeks. But nonetheless it's pretty! :D

See, I haven't registered for my Korean Placement Test, I'm kind of afraid. I don't know if I would be able to do well. Cause I'm using the sogang book and not kyunghee. But I've been studying a lot for it already. And there's oral. I don't know...I don't seem to have much faith. It's like I'm okay talking to my classmates, but talking to the natives gets me tongue-tied and all. Aye...HELP~But I really think that these few days my Korean has improved a lot. New grammar, new ways to form sentences. I guess as I study more grammar, I realised what I studied earlier becomes linguistically and socially irrelevant. This language has SO much to learn! When will I ever master it....ㅠ.ㅠ

Ah, I bet I haven't talked about the book. It's called 황소와 도깨비. It's really interesting. Finally finished hearing the whole story yesterday. But I haven't finished studying it yet. 참, and the writer is very amazing. He died at 27, but at that tender age, he has written many titles and Korean students study his works for literature. Isn't it amazing? 훌륭해요! But poor guy, I don't know why he died so young, so don't ask me. ><

오빠 정말 고맙습니다. 오빠는 없이면, 난 어떻게하면 모르겠어요. 그래서 고마워요. 가르치기 전에 한국말이 영어보다 어려워요.그분이 제일 잘 가르쳐요! 은혜는 평생 잊기 않겠어요.난 약속하고 한국어를 열심히 공부할 거예요.오빠도 영어를 열심히 공부해? "티끌모아 태산."오빠는 기억해? ^^

I like the weather lately. It's not too warm. In fact, it's cooling. 좋아서...

Elison.

contemplates.

2009-07-05T22:54:00.002+08:00

Today is a bad day I suppose. How should I put it? It isn't exactly bad, but bad things did happen you see...

Dragonboat. Aye, why did it have to rain? Because of the rain we had so little time on the water, we barely got started and the race ended. =.= It'd be so much more fun if the hands-on was much longer..really.

Next, I had to take the extremely long and chilly 67 home. It was so crowded with people, you'd know what I mean if you know where the bus passes through. =.=

After that, I was supposed to meet Mr Kim. We already agreed to meet. But he didn't show up! fndjasowruiaskl;'! I bet he fell asleep cause until now, he hasn't replied my smses or given me a call. ifpofkcal;sd,lawkeropk;L,! So I ended up with Bron, Chenyang, Mingjie and Sarah. Oh yea, I partly lost my voice by the way. o.O

If not for Mr Kim, I wouldn't have been waiting at the mrt station, and seen that person. To me, she'll always be a hurt in my heart, an old wound that seems to get inflamed time and time again. Let not the past hold me. To me she was so important, now she's gone. We stood at different corners of the station, no words. Why? We used to be so close...Maybe the reason why Kexin is so dear to me also cause they looked alike? I don't know...but I know Kexin won't leave me like she did...sigh.

Indeed, it was a looooong day. Sigh.

Elison.

oh...두부...

2009-07-03T01:51:00.003+08:00

I really like this picture of Onew. And I love the little sketch at the side! It looks so much like Onew! haha, no one can ever resist the cuteness of Onew. ><

Hmm, today was spent rather meaningfully I guess. Woke up early in the morning to practise my guitar, then rested like for an hour or so. After that I baked gingerbread cookies to bring for cell group meeting tomorrow. Then I realised I couldn't eat it cause I was fasting! I'm so duh la, I couldn't even tell if it was cooked and all. But thank God it turned out just great! ><>

After that we went for dinner at Clarke Quay and we saw Yunrui there. We were shopping at Clarke Quay when we got psychoed by this auntie who tried to scam me into buying this vest. It's like freaking 70 bucks can. And the label doesn't look like it's MIK at all. She was shocked when she realised I could read the Korean words on her catalogue. And no, she's not korean. Smart enough, we left the place and walked to city hall. Van couldn't find the bag she wanted, so we walked to Marina Square. LOL, we saw Lucas there at Club Marc. So funny to meet him there. And our awkward conversation. HAHA.

Yes, and Zara was on sales. Wah so happy, I got like 3 new tops for about 100 bucks. But it was definitely worth the buy as compared to that nicely designed MIC vest. ><>

Ah, I suppose this post is rather boring? I'm bored. Korean grammar is killing me. I hope the phone won't ring. LOL.

Elison.

재미있었어요!

2009-07-01T11:09:00.003+08:00

5! LOL, ah, I was so tired yesterday, so pardon for not updating my blog although I wanted to.

Hmm, yesterday I went to the beach with Kyungsoo and his Korean friends. Ah, I must say, initially it was very awkward and all, cause they were mostly speaking in Korean and since they've been together for so long, it was difficult to be included in them. And I guess I wasn't myself, cause I got super quiet unlike the usual me. LOL, yea, I can be quiet one okay. We swam and played a little in water, then ate some food that Kyungsoo bought from Korea and sandwiches that Minjung made. We also played GoStop! Ah, it was fun! Initially I was watching Kyungsoo, Steven and Minsun playing, I couldn't catch it at all. So I begged Kyungsoo to teach me. So Steven and him taught Minji and me how to play it. So the next game, Minji and I played it! First round, Steven played alone while Kyungsoo paired with me, Minji with Minsun. And we won! ><>

Hmm, but in all, it was a good experience la. I guess for very long, I've not felt what it means to join a new group. Like it was a chance for me to experience how a new friend would feel when he or she comes to church or cell group. It takes alot of courage to be willing to even meet up with these people you hardly know, let alone spend a day withe them. So I learned that we need to be more inclusive of other people...so that they won't feel so awkward and all. Hmm, yea. n444 jiayou! <3

Elison.

bloob bloob blue~

2009-06-29T22:26:00.003+08:00

하늘 색! Yay, recently my things are turning blue. It all started with my DS lite. ㅋㅋㅋ...예뻐요? I'm so bored staying at home the whole day! ><

LALALA~ 프리마던나!~아, 홍기야...

사랑해,

Elison.

F.T 아일랜드 쇼케이스

2009-06-28T22:55:00.002+08:00

F.T 아일랜드 쇼케이스 @ St James Power Station, Dragonfly.

One word to describe the showcase- Phenomenal. The boys, they looked exactly how I've seen them in the photos and videos. They have not been excessively photoshopped. They just look as if they walked out of the poster. Amazing. 진자 잘 생긴 남자들이.

I think that the venue for the showcase really sucked. It was definitely not a place to hold crazy fangirls and rockprinces. But nonetheless, the boys made it work on stage. Hongki's voice is just amazing! I mean, how could a 19 year old sing with such emotions? How can he be so much more accomplished than I am at my age?Pretty boy. I'll always remember how he sang live on stage, esp for ft vs pri. Amazing. And Jonghoon, he's soo handsome. His nose! Ahh, so nice. :)

I think the 3 of us weren't crazy fangirls who stalked them all over the place. I think it's so stressful to go everywhere and end up having to face crazy girls staring at them all the time! Why did some people have to go and piss them while they were trying to enjoy their day? This is so stupid. Hongki is too cute. I guess he badly wanted to go shopping since it's the Great Singapore Sale but that wasn't in the organisers' itinerary for them. And to the idiot who stuck the sticker on his neck! You just made Hongki noticed you, for the wrong reason. =.= congrats.

I just hope they won't be too pissed to return to Singapore. I hope like what they mentioned during the fanmeet, they'd be back at the end of the year...><

The experience to watch the boys is still really memorable! I just fulfilled a lifetime dream of watching the boys live. <3><

Elison.

미쳐 미쳐 미쳐 미쳐 미쳐!

2009-06-24T23:16:00.006+08:00

I'm doing the same expression as Key right now! I'm wrecking my head trying to think of what to do for F.T's present and what to write for F.T's letter! I'm also wondering if i should ask Hongki to help me pass a letter to Key and Onew. 아이구...미쳐 미쳐미쳐요!

I met up with ruiliang today to do some shopping at Queensway. I spent like 120 bucks. LOL. I really love the stuffs I bought today, especially my new heels! :D Amazing... I'm missing everyone from dm and makeup! Aye, I wish there are rehearsals again...then we can laugh and talk crap, go for late night supper and chit chat...Hahah, loves.

I had a good talk with Barry earlier. Sometimes I guess I'm too urgent about things. Talking to him helped set somethings into place. And I feel so encouraged just merely smsing my leader! :) Many things are soon going to be happening. I need to gear up spiritually stronger this year-more prayers, more fasting, more serving, greater commitment. I'm excited of the things to come. I've made some decisions. 21 it shall be. I'll do it again. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done. Draw me closer to you...

[edit]경수오빠 만세! 오빠가 진자 친절한 사람이에요...Lalala, he promised to help me with the letter and revise my korean. Yay, 오빠 만세! :D

Elison.

리허설

2009-06-19T02:05:00.001+08:00

I am so tired....just 3 more days. Keep me alive God...제발요...

Elison.

Iqueue.

2009-06-15T00:05:00.004+08:00

I was facebooking today when the screen showed this. LOL. if you are wondering who those people are, from left to right: ruiliang, grace, vanessa, collin, me.

Haha, see you must know that this facebook ad is totally random. To have my cell group members there is really by chance. And the IQ levels are so adorably allocated. Grace, by chance, might be considered a genius. And Collin might be dumb. And me!? I might be either ridiculously smart they don't know what to call me, or so stupid that they are speechless! LOL, this is sure something funny! 재미 있다!

Elison.

피곤해...

2009-06-12T14:50:00.002+08:00

This week has been packed and tiring. Physically, it's tolling having to wake up so early to pray. I guess I really felt it crucifying my flesh. But God has been really faithful. No matter how tired I was, during the prayer meeting He's so faithful to come and refresh me, especially on days that I can't go home to sleep. However tired, it's a great experience for me. Something is just different about this week's prayer meeting from the rest. I did enjoy myself really. Fellowshipping with Jon and Chenyang and Gracie. Hahah, interesting times. Like back to old days?

I've decided to leave it as it is. Not what I do. It cannot be maintained by me alone. That was my ultimatum.

I think there isn't a place like ministry anywhere. A place to be edified, to have another family, to be filled and encouraged. The purpose of drama ministry is not about showing off our talents to others, it's not just about serving God with the talents He has placed into us, but about the anointing and presence of God that we will bring down that will touch thousands-members and new friends. I guess that's the really fulfilling part of DM eh? The long hours we spend together, chatting rehearsing, laughing..haha, I mean in the essence I may not be close to everyone, especially the veterans, it's this trust that I know they are people that I can rely on. Fathers' day is going to be just great. I know it will. :)

Dang, shall end it here. I've gotta go to prepare to go to church. It's going to be great tonight! :)

Elison.

put me to sleep

2009-06-09T00:24:00.004+08:00

At this hour, I know I should be in bed already. But I can't get to sleep with those thoughts on my mind. I tossed around in bed for a while and finally decided to get up and switch on my macbook again to blog.

I guess it's hard. But that's just my primary love language. When it's not met, no matter what you do, it doesn't make me feel that you love or care for me.

What are friends? What is friendship? Everything seems blurred. Badly defined? You are best friends with someone because you chose to be close to that person. Sad to say, sometimes, such love is not mutual, and is left unreciprocated. It's just foolish thinking on my part. It's just me and my wishful thinking to perceive that we have a strong friendship. I had to take so long to see things clearly. I feel like i'm used and abused. I'm willing to meet your needs. But hey, I have my own too.

If we are best friends, why don't we meet?

If we are best friends, why do you only know what I think or feel through my blog?

If we are best friends, why is it that my latest calls or messages have nothing to do with you?

Take this, it's reality. we aren't.

I don't know about your lives, cause maybe to you I'm not that important. You don't know about mine either, cause I'm tired of taking the initiative to type smses.

I hate it when my life encircles around this. It's always in a circle. Some point later I'll be back to this again. God, since you can give me salvation, please, give me strong friendships that are built to last. I'm sick and tired of getting back to this issue again.

Like what meitong said, friendships in lives have phases. Maybe I should just be taking it as it comes. What's there to be upset about? You guys just stayed slightly longer than others. That's something maybe I should be grateful for. Because I don't know how to love.

So for now, 잘 가.

Elison.

열심히해주세요!

2009-06-04T16:34:00.004+08:00

I just got home from school. Actually had my reservations about going for the LPP talk since I can't apply for the LPP, but nonetheless I went. Wow, it was amazing, I have to say I don't regret going. Cause afterall I met a few people who were like me, can't take part in the LPP, but still going to sit for the CLS placement test and bid for higher level Korean modules. It was fun taking the bus home with Pamela, cause though we just met, I think the love for Korea connected us pretty well. Ah, just hope she'll be my future classmate. Okay, so I have slightly more than a month to start mugging now for my Korean test. I hope I do well and don't get placed in level 1. LOL.

난 집에 금왔어요. 오늘 대학교에 강의 들르러 갔어요. 근대 강의를 재미 있었어요. 많이 한국어 학생을 마났어요. 7월15일 CLS 시험이 있어요. 이제 부터 나는 열심히 공부해요!아, 파이팅!~

아, 토요일에 콜린 씨 한국친구 켱수 씨 교희에 올 거요.나는 너무 너무 흥분예요. 기다려요!

Oh goodness, the korean dictionaries are so cool. Pamela makes me so want to own one. Check them out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQbUSe1jjUw

http://www.loopygadgets.com/sharp-rd-pm10-e-dictionary-and-media-player/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBkKjkItOGE

Elison.

Bad night.

2009-06-04T11:18:00.003+08:00

심장이 떨리는 Rush
이 순간 모두다 Hush
음악과 하나 같이
Let me talk to U~

I didn't sleep well. I had 2 nightmares in a row. I'm so drained. :( Take it away. The nightmares felt so real. Urgh...I still have to go to school later for the LPP talk.

It feels so good to be back serving God with everyone again. Thanks for giving back my sanity! I love DM. <3

Elison.

given away.

2009-05-31T12:19:00.002+08:00

The mouth, or the tongue to be exact, is a very powerful tool. As Man, we can try to package ourselves nicely and hide everything evil beneath to cover up our hearts, but the moment our mouth speaks, everything just crumbles and falls off. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

I feel sorry for you. Cause when you spoke, we witnessed your true character.

Elison.

잠꼬대 (Please, Don`t Go)

2009-05-27T11:59:00.005+08:00

[온유] 어젯밤 꿈속에 네가 내게 다가와

속삭인 그 말이 내 얼굴 만지던 그 머릿결이

[종현] 꿈에서 깨보니 너무나도 선명한데

네가 있는 게 꿈이었단 걸 내 눈가에 고여진 눈물이 말해줬어

*[종현/w온유] 안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요

[종현] 다시 눈감아 널 보러 가면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

[종현] 눈을 떠 보아도 네 모습만 선명한데

네가 있는게 꿈이었단 걸 내 눈물에 비춰진 슬픔이 말해줬어

*[온유/w종현] 안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한번 만 한번 만 날 다시 안아줘요

[온유] 다시 눈감아 널 보게 되면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

[종현] 애를 써 애를 써도 떼를 써 떼를 써 다시 돌아와

*[종현/w온유] 안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요

안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요

제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요

[온유] 다시 눈감아 널 보러 가면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

Last night
You came to me in my dreams
Whispered those words..
The soft hair that brushed my face
Even after waking from this dream
Everything seems so vivid
The only evidence that you were but a dream
are the tears pooled in my eyes

It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Just once more, just once more, hold me like this
If I close my eyes to go see you again
Hold the one who has stopped right here

Even after opening my eyes
Everything seems so vivid
The only evidence that you were but a dream
is the sadness reflecting from my tears

It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Just once more, just once more, hold me like this
If I close my eyes to go see you again
Hold the one who has stopped right here

I’ll try and try again
Attempt the impossible again and again
Come back to me

It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Please hold me again just once, just once
It can’t be, It can’t be,
Please don’t leave like this
Please hold me again just once, just once
If I close my eyes to go see you again
Hold the one who has stopped right here

After I posted this, I went to Ruiliang's blog and I realised we have the SAME blog song. LOL. Shabang Shabang!~

Elison.

하나님 밖에 없는데

2009-05-25T12:28:00.004+08:00

Okay. I've finally chosen the course to go to. NUS Bizad. Ahh, thinking about it just makes me wanna laugh. I really vividly remember saying that I'll never study in NJ and I'll never study business. But I guess God has proven it the other way around. Whatever it is, although I'm going to battle with Economics once again, I'm pretty much still excited for school. Yay, Nus Bizad. Here I come! I have so many goals set just for this. LOL.

와오! 어제 너의 메시지 받아요..
사실이, 난 너무너무 충격이에요.
왜냐하면 너를 처음 이런게 하다.
2년전 부터...
왜 지금까지 기다릴까요?
흐.
난 필요 없어.
나가!
남자는 사랑을 몰라.

To me, you no longer matter.
너 상관 없어.

Elison.

2009-05-20T23:13:00.001+08:00

That post is so not done by me...=.=

Under my skin~

2009-05-20T17:13:00.002+08:00

I'm so bored. Avid readers like Gracie, I'm so sorry for not updating for a week. Ah, i guess it requires some inspiration to write here. Hahah, I'm currently at Grace's house with James. Very bored... what should i do now? hmmm... should i bath? should i play with my hair? or should i adore myself in the mirror? any comment? of what should i do? so sorry i am obsesses about myself! oh my oh my, why the weather is so hot today? feel like not wearing anything at all... do you agree with me? Grace mum is cooking "Kong Ba Bun" for me to eat, cant wait for it!

Hmmm ya remind me to take $$ from James for the guitar picks, i think it around $2... haha oh my, james is indecisive, so lazy... grace is so hilarious, as usual... she cant wait to watch the legend... it the korean drama that aired quite long ago... She wanna watch monster VS alien in 3D format, anybody wanna tag along?

Felt abit tired now, after helping james to translate the korean word for his assignment... haha, i am seriously indulging in myself... i am so high because i listen to the song from the legend... heehee... i am eating the Bun now... Grace mum deliver the food to me liao... but i havent say grace yet... Lol... Grace is here, why do i need to say it? lame lah... agree with me?

we are watching the korean drama now, the guy was shouting "city hall" for no reason... Lol... oh the drama has no english substitles, too bad for james and grace... i can understand what they talking... i am evil... now grace is restarting the whole drama again... wasting time... i keep on saying setup but grace dont follow my instruction... hai... i am smart yeah? somehow i feel so "ke lian" now Grace said the girl is"chio" in the drama... hmmm i dont think so, i think i more chio... heehee, self praise = international disgrace... Grace again, but now i DIS grace... sorry grace...

Steph-

irony.

2009-05-12T00:09:00.004+08:00

I was watching channel 8 drama earlier and a thought struck my head.

I think that people who commit suicide are actually very courageous people. Having walked out from depression before, I know how difficult it is to take one's own life. It requires a lot of courage. So actually people who kill themselves are very brave. But ironically, they are brave enough to kill themselves, but not brave enough to face up to life's challenges. How funny. =.=

Yay, stephie loves xuanie and oppa! :DDDD

Elison.

wonder

2009-05-10T22:02:00.000+08:00

Currently listening: Reset-Super Junior

It's LEETEUK! XD

In life, there are just so many things that we don't understand. As humans, we try to understand everything possible. But God doesn't require us to do that all the time. It's funny isn't it?

Happy mother's day...

If in life, we could just press the reset button, things would be much easier ain't it so? When the exams are here, we reset it back to the holidays. If we said or done something that we shouldn't have, we reset it back to where things used to be. Life would be simpler. Corrections anytime. But sadly, it doesn't work like that. We pay for our actions. We bear the consequences.

I wish I have more time. I wish I can be more stretched. I probably cannot have enough time for everyone and myself...But still I wish to be more involved in everyone's lives. Use me O Lord. Stretch me and enlarge me I pray.

Elison.

너 올 때까지

2009-05-05T00:56:00.000+08:00

I suppose this is the first F.T. Island song I've uploaded onto my blog. It's a very nice song...As usual, Hongki is emo enough for this. Amazingly, he sang this song when he was merely 17. Let me think what I was doing when I was 17. *scratches head*

Anyway, it's 12.33am but I'm not at all tired. All thanks to the mynah this morning. Let me go on to elaborate on this mynah (minor) incident. I was happy in lala land when I was awaken by the flapping of wings against my glass windows. For those people who have been into my room, you'd know that my entire section of the wall is covered with windows, so the flapping was really loud. I tried knocking on the window to chase the bird away, but the noise continued, and the bird even started chirping. It was like 7am. So I decided to move out of my bed and headed off to the living room sofa to attempt to catch some sleep. But the mynah probably wanted to play with me, flew to the living room window ( which is just next to my room's) and started chirping like nobody's business. I tried to shoo it away many times, but it just went on and on! I closed the window cause I was afraid it might fly into my house, BUT I COULD STILL HEAR THE BIRD! The incident did not occur for like 30mins, it went on till about 10 plus in the morning...Finally I managed to get back to sleep. After sooooo long. I hope the bird doesn't come again tomorrow morning. I need proper rest. ahhhhh, 鸟鸟... =.=

Ah, parents and kids. I think God has created us with this really strange relationship. We all want the best for the people we love. Our parents want the best for us, and likewise as children, we want to give the best that we can to them. At this age, I guess my "best" is so limited. Financially I am not independent. I can't give them all the gifts and money that they may need. With the approaching mother's day, I'm really wrecking my brains on what to get for my mother. Aye, 나 알아, study hard and earn big bucks right? We've all said these since we were like toddlers. The future just seems to far away. Money may not be the most important thing in life, but without money, we'll all be in trouble. Ah, messed out. My brain is malfunctioning at the moment. 죄송합니다. It's an aimless fight. I'll never be able to outgive them. The great love of our parents. Just like daddy God, we can never outgive him.

Elison.

홍기야...

2009-05-03T22:36:00.003+08:00

Ahhh, 홍기 is such a pretty boy, 너무 에쁘다..I feel happy just looking at his pretty pictures. Anyway, I'm sorry that I haven't blogged for the entire week. As most of you would have known, I was caught up with the SAT. Now that it's over already, I'm so glad. I felt that I had been neglecting my Korean because of the exams. I didn't have the time to revise and memorise my Korean words. Yay, finally today, 시간이 있어요, 그래서, 집에서 공부해요. ㅋㅋㅋ...나 알아, 난 아주 열심히 오전.

Yesterday, it was really funny how we met the 2 Korean girls on the train home. Ahh, I suppose taking the train to tanah merah each week would give us ample chances to meet koreans. But I need to pluck up my courage to so randomly talk to them. I felt so embarrassed yesterday! Ahh, I wished my Korean was better, like at Level 4 or something, then I probably would be able to converse more effectively with them. But it's okay! I'll study hard now. Lest I regret in the future...

Mam mam mam. I'm so bored. Ah, someone, save me! :(

Elison.

행복이란

2009-04-26T00:24:00.006+08:00

오늘 기분이 너무 너무 좋아해요.

I guess I had a really good talk with Barry. He reminded me of things I've forgotten and taught me many things along the way. Ahh, I was so nervous preaching earlier. But I'm glad I still did it! :D Thanks Barry for believing in me.

Anyway, this was something I learned from Barry today...

To know God as three persons is to know the Godhead in its fullness. There is only one God — the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. "Hear, O Israel : The LORD our God, the LORD is one” (Deut. 6:4). The three are one God. To illustrate this in a simple way, we have one sun in the sky, but in that sun you have the light and you have the heat that comes off the sun. You can't separate them even though they are distinct and have three purposes. The sun could represent the Father, the light could represent the Son and the heat could be the Holy Ghost. You can't separate the Godhead, sometimes called the “three-in-one.”

What a unique but easy to understand way to explain about our triune God. The Sun. I thought it was really interesting and I'd just share it here with you...

There are many things to learn. Nonetheless, the walk with God is most important. Things may not always go the way we want them to. The important thing is to know that Man disappoints, but God doesn't. For everything you do, do it unto the Lord. For everything in life, trust in the Lord, and not in Man. Your confidence and esteem must be built on the Lord. Love, and let love.

Taking time to set the foundations right...

Elison.

deep thoughts are not always visible.

2009-04-20T19:43:00.002+08:00

Ah, I was surfing the net today...watching maangchi teach her readers how to prepare all the korean dishes, I started looking for pictures of 도시락..This bear is so cute right? I think if someone ever makes me a 도시락 like that, I won't BEAR to eat it cause it's BEARY cute. LOL.. Anyway, yesterday I finally managed to find the food thermos I had been looking for! Yes, it has 2 separate containers inside, one for rice, one for soup and one for side dishes. Really cool eh? With this I think I'll cook more in the future, since I can bring them out.

Ahh, I'm learning. Thus far, I've succeeded in making 닭죽, 김밥 and 김치 볶음밥...When I find the time to make a trip to a korean groceries store, I'd go grab some ingredients to make 순두부 찌개 and 잡채. I ALSO WANT TO TRY MAKING MY OWN 도시락! Hahah, I really want to try making the egg rolls that Lee Minho ate in Boys over flowers. Kekeke.

I'm a really good girl today. I stayed home and cleaned up my room. It amounted to six sacks of rubbish to be thrown away. A lot eh?

I found the old letters that people have written to me over the years. I suppose I've already thrown some away cause I couldn't find those really antique ones...My letters have amounted to 2 giant ziplock bags full. When I took them out to read today, I thought about what the person was trying to tell me at the point in my life, and what I probably would have replied to that letter. I thought about the kind of friendship we used to share. I found letters from people whom I really wished our friendship lasted. It's sad they didn't survive the test of time. I relinquished the promises that didn't last. Letters written for the sake of doing so? Letters that lacked sincerity. Letters that I wished I never received. But it was heartwarming to read letters from friendships that did, and I guess these letters did draw me closer to them. People like Meitong, Yunrui, Peixuan, James...their letters were of comfort and support to me. James wrote me the most letters. Aye, cause I know him for the longest time in church. Peixuan wrote me the longest letters, she's so longwinded? Hahah, jk jk, I love long letters. Actually I just love letters. I think they really bring back valuable memories.

Currently listening: 마주치지 말자(Let's not) - Super Junior

이 순간이 마지막이라고
그토록 사랑한 그 대가에
넌 돌리려 해도 울며 매달려도
그냥 싫다며 헤어짐을 말한 나야.

난 항상 강한 척만 하지만
평생 너 하나 지킬 자신 없어 떠난
비겁한 남자야

다신 나 같은 사람 사랑하지 말고
다신 그리워할 사람 만들지 말고
너만 바라보고 너 아님 안 돼서
하루도 못 버틸 만큼 사랑해주는 사람 만나 제발

넌 아파 날 잡으려 하지만
평생 내 곁엔 행복해질 자신 없는
비겁한 여자야

다신 나 같은 사람 사랑하지 말고
다신 그리워할 사람 만들지 말고
너만 바라보고 너 아님 안 돼서
하루도 못 버틸 만큼 사랑해주는 사람 만나

언젠가 우리 헤어짐을 후회한대도
이별 밖에는 난 해줄게 없어

지난 시간을 세며 아파 울지 말고
지난 바보 같은 사랑 그리워 말고
너만 바라보고 너 아님 안 돼서 하루도 못 버틸 만큼
사랑해 주는 사람 만나 제발 행복하기를
두 번 다시는 마주치지 말자

Saying that this moment is the last
To you whom i loved so much
Even if you try to turn it back
Even if you hold onto me crying
I was the one who said no and bid our farewell

I always act strong
But I'm a cowardly man
Didn't have the confidence to protect you forever and left

Don't love someone like me again
Don't make someone miss again
One who looks only at you and needs only you
Meet someone who loves you so much that he can't go without you for a day, please..

Hurting, you try to hold me back
But I'm a cowardly man
Who doesn't have confidence
to give a lifetime of happiness to a woman

Don't love someone like me again
Don't make someone miss again
One who looks only at you and needs only you
Meet someone who loves you so much that he can't go without you for a day

Even if we are ever to regret our breakup
I can't do anything but give you our farewell

Don't cry in pain counting the time that has passed.
Don't miss a foolish love that's already passed
One who looks only at you and needs only you
Meet someone who loves you so much that he can't go without you for a day, please I hope that you'll be happy.
Let's not ever meet again.

It's a very touching song which talks about a man giving up on this woman he loves because he believes she can find someone much better than him. I think it'd be suitable as a drama song...Probably can make me cry. Haha, but K.R.Y sang this song with so much emotions in it. It's really beautiful, and their vocals are just amazing. Nice ballad! XD

Okay, post getting too long. I'll update again soon.

Elison.

생각

2009-04-19T23:35:00.002+08:00

Maybe I demand too much. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe. Maybe. Why would our friendship reach this stage? Perhaps our problem was never solved. We're merely going in circles.

Yea, if you noticed, my blog is now white.

Elison.

병든

2009-04-16T11:15:00.003+08:00

Current track: 눈물이 흐른다- F.T. Island

Aye, thinking about Tuesday, I really want to laugh. Like how I had thoughts about walking into that place but ended up not doing so actually saved myself from an extremely awkward situation. I mean I won't know how to react if I actually walked in. I would probably be very overwhelmed by the situation and be affected. It pays to listen to the Holy Spirit I guess. I can't imagine what would have happened if I stuck to my thought of going to that place.

Sometimes, I really think I handle situations badly. Or maybe I'm just like many others out there. When faced with something I don't want or don't know how to react to, I'd run away. Avoiding it seems to be the best solution. 나는 다치고 싶지 않다. We all want to be happy, don't we? Aigoo, but I know it's bad. Xuan and James will always tell me to talk about it. But I guess it requires a lot of courage to do it. Many times, I just can't garner enough courage to do so. I'm not coward, it's just not easy. I need to be sure of myself, what I am feeling, whether I am in the wrong, whether it's just my solitary biased opinion, so on and so forth, before I can confirm my view about something. I'm not a reckless person.

Not everything needs to be expressed in words. Actions tell a lot too. Feelings are more than 70% reliable. We must realise that God moves, and He speaks. The heart senses and can discern. No matter how hard you may try, to me, it's nothing but a facade.

미안해요, 미안.

Elison.

poladroid

2009-04-15T00:21:00.003+08:00

Yea, poladriod is the current program that I am using on my mac. My brother introduced this to me. It makes polaroid pictures that are very realistic and the effects they create are simply gorgeous. It's like a fast way to edit your photos. Perfect for lazy bums like me! Hee. Oh by the way, this picture is Nickhun from 2pm. He's a singer under JYP but he's half a Thai and Chinese. But he looks cute huh? ^^

Aye, this is bad. I should be studying my SAT more, but the past 4 days I haven't done anything! I had to run errands for my mum. I really never knew how far Serangoon was until today. Man. I took like more than 1.5h to get to Highland Centre from my house! Ahh, I hope my mummy won't give me this kind of jobs in the future. Really. =.=

Hmm, I need to be more courageous to step out! Lean on God. This week is a brand new beginning, a brand new future, a brand new life ahead! :) With God, all things are possible. ^^

Grace says i've been using ^^ lately. It must be my korean net pals. LOL, they all use ^^. tsk tsk tsk...

Elison.

Assuming..

2009-04-08T21:05:00.003+08:00

Current Track: 사랑하지마요 - F.T 아일랜트

Ah, I just love the sound of Hongki's voice. It makes me want to sing along with him because the songs' emotions were just rightly expressed.

I'm so random. I tried looking for ft's album at Sembawang Music and CD Rama today, but they were not in sight. =.= But I saw SHINee World at CD Rama! Awww. so tempting, despite it being the chinese version (with this I mean the words on the album. not the song). I lalala and sang all the way home. Actually I kinda enjoy doing it. Heh, so if some day you catch me on the ipod, don't be shock by my random nature.

Ah, time to address the title. Hmm, I had a phone call with xiaoLEE. After that conversation we had, it set me thinking again. Sometimes we tend to be so quick to judge, so quick to jump to conclusions about someone or something, just because what they do are contrary to what we believe or expect them too. Many a times, as humans, we tend to be so myopic, and we don't look at the big picture, the reasons behind the actions, but we only see the current action at the current time, ignoring the possible background situation. The Bible shows us that assumption is sin. Barry mentioned before that sometimes we just have no idea what that person is going through. Now, I begin to understand what it really means. Even for myself, I do struggle in this area of my life. And it's an area that I think I really need to set my heart to change. Help me O Lord, to look beyond, and discern with the help of the Holy Spirit, so that I won't be critical and judgemental of others, and not hinder the works of Your Kingdom.

Ah, I'm going to get back to the tons of ft island videos now. Kekeke. I'll be back to update again soon!

Elison.

clride.n

2009-04-02T16:39:00.005+08:00

This is SHINee in Clride.n webpage. Ahh, my almighty Key-gun.

Anyway, I had been really busy this few weeks, last week I was caught up with university application, and this week there has been lots of work to be done. In addition, morning prayer meetings were on, so I didn't exactly had the time to use my computer at home. It's a pity that I can't blog of my apple though I really want to- I'm using the office labtop here. Hmm, 3 more hours to cell group meeting!

Updates? So far, only NTU has called me to go down for an interview on the 13th. Well, NTU School of Business. Okay, I've heard many told me it's a prestigious school. Yea, I guess I oughta be thankful to God for an opportunity like this, but I've never dreamed of studying business or accountancy. Medicine and Law have always been my ideal choices of education, but i guess...ahh..Whatever comes is what.

Sometimes, things often don't go the way we want them to. The Bible calls us to guard our hearts. As humans, this heart that God has given to us is vulnerable. It's as if it has a mind on its on. It thinks the way it wants to depsite conscious efforts by your brain to control it. If we are not careful and let everything in without caution, the consequences can be dire. We musn't forget that we cannot turn back time. James often says "If only, if only we always know what's the consequences, then there wouldn't be so many regrets already. " And it's true. If only we know that what is happening today would happen, maybe we would have used a different approach. We would have been more accountable. We would have been more careful. We would, we would...but for fact, we didn't. Even for myself, sometimes I find myself trapped in this "we would" and "if only" kind of situations. There are many things, we as carnal flesh, cannot see, but our spirits, with the help of the Holy Ghost can look beyond and unto God, who is all-knowing. Bible calls us to walk by faith, not by sight. Faith is trusting in God amidst of all that is happening around us, and flowing with the Holy Spirit, doing that of which gives us peace. I hope I won't live life to regret it, but every bit of it, I'm still learning how to make the fullest of life, for the His works.

Submission is never easy. Each one of us, regardless of gender, has ego. Some bigger than others. Many a time, our ego gets the better of us. I mean it's always easier to share your views and opinions with someone than for that someone to correct your views and opinions. We enjoy winning, we like being right. We all desire to feel smart and good about ourselves. That is why submission requires courage. The boldness to accept the fact that you might be wrong, the boldness to admit to your wrongs and start all over again, the courage to accept new ideas and methods. Many of us are egoistic, but not courageous. We report, not account. To submit is to to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others; to yield oneself to the power or authority of another and even to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision. 10 letters. 1 BIG WORD. I hope to be someone more submitted to authority as well.

This little brain of mine. It's often preoccupied with many thoughts. Is it because I'm a woman? I remember the conversations I hold with the people around me. Every now and then, the entire conversation will replay in my head, and I'd ponder over what was said, whether there could be a better response, a question that I could ask, or something like that.

Opportunities are rare to come by. Know what is right and flow with God. Cherish. Don't take for granted.

I'll be back to pen down my mountain of thoughts again soon.

Elison.

질식사

2009-03-20T23:27:00.005+08:00

Please, you're suffocating me. You are pushing me. You are pressurising me.
It was supposed to be something happy, yet you are making me sick. The stress that you give me, deters me. It's not supposed to be this way. Please, don't kill me... You are making me go crazy! 당신이 우리의 우정을 걸고있다. You're hurting me. You make me feel condemned. You make me feel like a lousy person. I need a breather.

To each a level of faith, to each a level of consecration. Pardon me if mine doesn't match up with yours, but please, don't judge me.

My heart, needs to be touched, needs to be refreshed. God, I'm sorry for feeling so.

So many thoughts.

Elison.

crap?

2009-03-17T01:12:00.003+08:00

Talking about crap, I realised it is also a vulgar word like s**t. I only realised when I went to dictionary dot com today. Haha, the right word to use is defaecate. LOL, I must apologise for how explicitly and unsightly this blog entry is due to the foul language. but I guess educating my readers is a very important mission you see. Heh, I'm so sorry. :D

I realised many ppl have been asking me where I go to to fangirl. rawr, i'll put up the links to the websites soon so you can go there as well...

Anyways, I have nothing to blog about really. Pardon me for changing blog songs so rapidly, cause song addictions do change, and this song by Ast'1 has a really nice catchy tune...So I couldn't help it.. I met up with Peixuan for dinner today, had a good talk with her. After that Yuanling and James came to join us. Haha, we fought over Thomas again. =.=

I guess the multiplication challenged me to look at things in a different perspective. And because the group is smaller, it's easier to take a step back to evaluate all the relationships I have with the people in n444, giving me room to contemplate and plan for the times ahead. A new cell group marks many new beginnings, but it all buoys down to Him, our first love. It's important not to keep chasing after a vision and forget the one who is the source.

Elison.

사랑 하지 마요

2009-03-11T13:56:00.005+08:00

It's lunch time now in the office, and I'm so zonking out. Rawr, the rush in blood glucose level just makes me sleepy. But Ft Island makes me happy! :) Currently listening to 사랑 하지 마요 ( Don't ever love) from their Colorful Sensibility Album. Initially, it was the tune of the song and Hongki's amazing voice that captured my attention. But the lyrics of the song are so sad, and you can feel the emotions through Hongki's voice. :D Kpop is just awesome.

사랑 하지 마요 ( Don't ever Love) - FT Island
I have to leave, I have to hurry and leave
Affection will turn into tears
So that I can’t see the one I left behind
I have to hurry a bit more and leave
She is crying,
the love that I leave
The overwhelming sadness is flowing
It is so difficult to take a step
With her back to me
She stands, crying

Don’t ever love
Heartbreak will surely come
It hurts to even breathe
I thought that this would only hurt as much as I loved
But I was wrong. It hurts a thousand times more

I’m afraid of living with my eyes open
Because I know I won’t see you even if I look for you
It seems better to fall asleep exhausted
After longing for you

Don’t ever love
Heartbreak will surely come
It hurts to even breathe
I thought that this would only hurt as much as I loved
But I was wrong. It hurts a
thousand times more

Just once, one
more time, can’t we try it? Can’t we?
I cry out like an idiot to myself

Don’t ever love
It hurts enough to die
You will cry everyday
I told myself that when love comes again
that it would be easier
and that it would last
But I was wrong.
Not for my love
Not for me

However sad it may be in the song, God called us to love! So about 사랑 하지 마요? Haha, not that applicable?

Just have some thoughts in my mind. I guess we need to learn to be less concerned about ourselves and begin to learn how to make sacrifices. Holiness in it's essence, it's not about how many prayer meetings you attend, or how many christian songs you listen to on your ipod. When the heart is right, all that flows out will be right.

Elison.

Work

2009-03-09T14:21:00.003+08:00

I'm currently blogging in the office. I'm trying to catch a break from the endless list of names we have to mail letters to. Kevin is sleeping, and I don't know what Ivan is doing.

But anyways, the results are out. I don't know what to say, it's not too bad, but it isn't all that excellent either. Well... multiplication. New cg, new beginning. But may friendships continue to burn strongly.

I'm fangirling over ft island in the office. HAHA..Gotta get back to work. Will blog again soon.

Elison.

destiny of love (shinhwa)

2009-03-01T23:04:00.003+08:00

Yeah I want you to listen closely to what I have to say
first thing you left me The next thing I got nothing
everything was gone with you check it

Although I used to hope that the morning would arrive
But I tremble from my sad longing and I cry again

Everyone lives happily but why am I trapped in darkness
I long for you who have left, will I live my days in hell

You're breathing in my heart, how do I forget you and continue to live
The shattering separation, the broken pieces are hurting my heart
Deciding to leave it behind and trying to forget, but there's a huge void without you
Even if I hurt til I die I will still wait for you, until you come

Even if I try to close my eyes I will keep seeing you, I seem to be going crazy
Even if it's just once, if I could see you, I will be fine

you see I'm a helpless all I can do
I have nothing hopeless want no more or nothing' less
you said it's all for the best from one to ten I can't forget it
From the beginning til the end you say time go fast don't tell me that

you know I want you back
You're breathing in my heart, how do I forget you and continue to live
The shattering separation, the broken pieces are hurting my heart
Deciding to leave it behind and trying to forget, but there's a huge void without you

Even if I hurt til I die I will still wait for you, until you come
Even if everything in the world disappeared, I still couldn't erase you
Your scent still remains even now, only as the hatred that is my wound
I can't let you go, I definitely can't let you go
baby please don't leave me alone please come back

I wrote a letter without an address, I called a number that has already been changed
I smile and greet you in a photograph that has yellowed
Are you living well without me, or are you sad
Is there anything that makes you worried more than hating me

If I erase the love in my heart that has cooled, how do I live
I hate myself for not forgetting this love, although I really hate it
I'm using this heart to say I love you, I love you, I love you
Even if my heart stops beating I will still wait for you, until you come
Elison.

gee

2009-02-22T12:51:00.009+08:00

LOL, Infinity Challenge is so cool!Sorry to john, but I found it really interesting that Park Myung Soo seems so suitable to be a SNSD member! See...
I don't mean the pose, I mean I really think PMS belongs with SNSD. LOLx...

Anyway, I'm videoing all I can today since I'll have less time to do so when I start work tml...So, I was on allkpop today, and there was some discussion about MR videos. Netizens have been spreading MR removed videos all over the internet lately. MR stands for Music Recorded while in MR removed videos, the music and instruments are minimized, resulting in a maximization of the artist vocals. It's really cool cause it helps you gauge the singers you're supporting, whether or not they really possess good vocals, or are just pretty/handsome faces.

Ignoring Lee Soo Man and whatever he had done to his artistes, we have to admit that SM entertainment has some of the BEST singers in the entertainment industry. SHINee, TVXQ, originally Shinhwa, BoA, etc. SM really knows how to screen and select those with potential then groom them into awesome singers.

dang, I'm bored. I want to eat salmon.

Ahh! I want to watch kkot! 2 more days! Hyun Joong cut his hair, now he looks so much like jaejoong! the hair is so similar.

it's time to grow.

Elison.

kkotboda namja

2009-02-18T12:30:00.004+08:00

There are some reasons why I really hate watching korean dramas.

Number 1.
They make you cry like nobody's business. Episode 14 of kkotboda namja was so horribly sad. Seeing how Goo Joon Pyo treated Jandi despite his love for her was just too much to handle. Plus, the evil mother of his at work, I could just die from detesting her. I cried so much! Just feeling the emotions given out by the actors and actresses...I must say they are really good at giving and taking, bouncing off each other.

Number 2.
There are those super sweet guys that make you feel like you'd want a guy like them in the future. LOL, looking at how sweet Jihoo is to Jandi although he knows that Jandi's heart is for JoonPyo, he only wants to try his best to cheer her up, and make her happy. The thing is...he knows just how to do it! Success. Yi Jung is very cute and sweet too, deep inside, he's starting to develop feelings to Gaeul..and it was interesting how he was standing up for Jandi against JoonPyo, teaching him what a real man is. Aww...korean dramas.

Lalala, I think Kim Hyun Joong is soooooo good at being Yoon Ji Hoo...Not just because he plays the violin like me okay...it's the charisma he exudes! charming...

Okay, enough sobbing for the day. next episode will have to wait till monday. I've gotta go get ready to go out...

Now playing- SHINee 그녀가 헤어졌다 (One for me)

A lot of thoughts came when I picked up the phone just before.
She said her boyfriend whom she loved cheated on her yesterday
Even though I’m going to the girl who’s crying,
I can’t suppress my happiness.
I have been waiting for this day
The day I can lend her my shoulder and wipe away her tears

I want to make a place by her side, always by her side, not as a friend, but as a man
I’ll hold her in my arms and tell her I’ll protect her from sadness

Over there is the girl crying with her neck down on her two knees.
I first take out a handkerchief and hand it to her
“Forget it! You will forget it, trust me.”
I cheered you up like that
And said to find someone who’ll only look at you
She was sorry, but she looked more prettier
Definitely today more than yesterday

I want to make a place by her side, always by her side, not as a friend, but as a man
I’ll hold her in my arms and tell her I’ll protect her from sadness

The time has come
Even though she’s in my arms, crying,
It’s the time I can
Become a comfortable place for her (Like a blanket)
I’ll become a dependable man that you can look at.
You are the one for me!

I want to make a place by her side, always by her side, not as a friend, but as a man
I’ll hold her in my arms and tell her I’ll protect her from sadness

I want to make a place in her heart where no one can break into.
Even when you’re in pain or full of tears, you’ll be a strong person who’ll never fall down

Oh! Not again will we let go after being apart and her finding me
I’ll hold the girl I’ve been waiting for in my arms. Leave her to me, believe me.
That person is the one who left a scar on your heart! Crazy!
The unforgettable memories are disappearing. Love is forgotten by love.
Now just look at me standing beside you.

Okay, sometimes it seems as though the lyrics makes no sense, but somethings are lost in translation..tsk tsk

간다..

Elison.